Pale Pink Packet Part 2

Pale Pink Packet Part 2

Walking up to the front door of our home, I’d never felt so deflated or bereft of energy. The car journey back from the hospital was dire and my mom's attempts to talk to me about my situation went down like a lead balloon.

After being told that I’m going through female puberty, I had no idea what to think or feel! All I want to do is go hide in my room.

Not that I'm going to be able to hide from my own body. These changes are apparently here to stay!

“Aiden….,” mom asks softly, closing the door gently behind her. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t….feel well,” I answer, turning to face her, but continuing to stomp up the staircase. “I’m going to bed.”

“Okay….,” mom sighs, now looking up at me from the bottom of the stairs. “Please don’t hide up there all night. W-we should really talk about what's happening to you.”

Stopping halfway up, I look down at myself and the lumps bouncing on my chest as I move. I rub my face in frustration, then loudly exhale.

“Not right now,” I growl. “You have no idea what I’m going through.”

“Of course I do!” mom firmly replies. “You’re not the only one who’s grown breasts…y’know!”

Feeling the tears welling behind my eyes, I don’t want to turn to face her. Exhaling again, I just stare straight forward.

“Stop talking to me as if I’m Pheobe,” I angrily snarl. “I’m not you’re daughter.”

That’s when Pheobe appears from her bedroom. Clearly curious, having heard our heated conversation, she stands at the top of the stairs. She looks down at me in confusion.

“What’s the matter..?” she questions, looking past me and down at mom.

Now rushing up the stairs, my long hair falls in front of my face. Brushing it all aside, I push past Pheobe and head toward my room.

“Nothing Pheebs,” I grumble, wiping my eyes. “Just leave it.”

A few days later….

Slamming the car door, I slump into my seat. Pulling up my hood, I obscure my face as much as possible.

“Are you at least excited to get your cast-off…?” Mom asks, turning the car's ignition.

Slumping further into my seat, I just grunt in reply.

“Did you do as I asked and put that bra on I’d left out for you?” she questions, badgering me further.

I frown in her direction, but she’s pulling out of the drive and doesn’t see.

“No….,” I huff.

“It’s going to be cold in that old hospital Aiden,” mom then lectures, concentrating on the road ahead. “Don’t blame me if people stare at your pointy chest.”

“Whatever!” I mumble back, folding my arms tight together.

Eventually, we arrive at the hospital and mom helps me to the correct ward. It was agonizing being seen by so many people. I’d been held up in my room for days now and for good reason!

The only thing I could think to do to help with my anxiety was to wear the baggiest clothes I own. Although my curves are hidden, walking without a bra was making me extremely self-conscious!

Entering the ward, I slump in a seat in the waiting room while mom talks to one of the nurses. Mom then sits next to me but the tension between us is noticeable. It’s like a thick rain cloud hovering over us both.

“Bet you can’t wait to get that cast-off….eh?” mom asks, trying to break the tension.

I nod.

She giggles and points at the cast.

“Guna need to do some serious shaving…I bet,” she chuckles.

I glare at her and her smile soon disappears.

“Sorry,” she mutters, rhythmically tapping her knees with her hands. “It’s easy to forget sometimes.”

“Forget what!?” I growl frustrated. “That I’m actually a boy!?”

Clearly sensing the anger in my voice, mom then gets up and walks away. She swiftly walks around the corner without even looking at me.

I’m left waiting on my own as the rest of the waiting room looks over in my direction with interest.

I slouch in my seat and allow my hair to fall in front of my face.

“Aiden O’Brian?” A nurse then calls out as she faces the waiting room.

I hold my hand up to gain her attention, but she just looks at me in real confusion.

“Aiden O’Brian?” she calls out once more, double-checking her chart.

Clenching my teeth, I raise my hand once more to grab her attention. I can feel my face going bright red as the people sitting around me continue to gawk at me.

The nurse awkwardly smiles and hurries over in my direction. She leans down to talk to me.

“Miss,” she whispers. “Please wait your turn.”

From behind the hair covering my face, I look up at her in desperation.

“That’s…..me,” I whisper back, trying to keep calm. “I’m Aiden O’Brian.”

Standing up straight, she rubs her tired eyes and stares at me for a moment. Then checking her chart for the third time, she gives me a wry smile.

“Sorry Aiden,” she continues to whisper gently, leaning down towards me. “The chart has got you down as male. I didn’t mean to just assume from your appearance.

Feeling a little relieved that she finally believes me, I let out a long sigh.

“Great,” I grumble slowly getting to my feet. “Can we just get this thing off me already!?”

The nurse then steps aside and points at an empty hospital room. As I amble off towards it, she follows at my side.

“You’ve got lovely hair,” she politely comments. “What shampoo do you use?”

I rudely answer with a grunt and shrug of my shoulders.

The following week…..

Tangle after tangle, Pheobe tugs at my hair with her brush. I flinch with every movement she makes.

“Stop being a baby!” she complains. “It’s not my fault you haven’t brushed it for weeks!”

“Do you have to be so rough!?” I criticize.

Still brushing as intensely as moments ago, Pheobe then stops and rests a hand on my shoulder.

“I don’t understand you Aiden,” she says with a curious tone. “Before you found out about all this – you weren’t batting an eyelid at borrowing my clothes to wear. Now you’re even refusing to wear a bra!”

Feeling a chill run down my spine, I don’t answer. I don’t want to answer.

“Aiden….?” She says, starting to brush my hair once more. “I don’t mean to be rude—I just don’t understand it. Like we haven’t spoken in days and all of a sudden, you want me to help brush your hair”

“Please stop, Phee!”

“I can’t! I’m worried about you.”

“Well don’t be. It’s got nothing to do with you.”

“It’s got everything to do with me Aiden. You’re my brother and I love you. I hate seeing you so upset. You keep hiding away and refusing to talk to anyone about it! It’s breaking my heart.

Bringing my hands to my face, I cover my eyes and Pheobe stops brushing. I couldn’t help but let out a little whimper. It’s not like I don’t want to talk to them about it—it’s just what do I say? What do I do? How did this even happen to me!?

Tears form and then slowly roll down my cheeks and hang from my chin.

“Please talk to me Aiden,” Pheobe says softly. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but talking might help.

Taking my hands away from my eyes, the sunshine stings as my eyes adjust. I glance at Pheobe with my sore eyes – still a little blurry from the tears.

“I just don’t know who I am anymore Pheobe!” I answer, feeling the pain of heartbreak weighing on my heart. “I keep waiting to act macho and be a man I’m grown up being, but whenever I look down I see this feminine-looking body!”

Pheobe raises an eyebrow. She looks deep in thought.

“Does that make you sad?” she asks.

“Not knowing who I am?” I question in reply. “Yes! Imagine someone took away your identity!”

“No…that’s not what I mean. Does not being ‘macho’ make you sad?”

“Not really….but you're missing the point!?”

“I don’t think I am,” she replies, now giving me a huge grin. “Do you trust me?”

“What!?-- What does that matter!?”

She leans in and places a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“Do you trust me?” she repeats, giving me a comforting smile.

“YES, Pheobe,” I grumble, feeling like I want to end the conversation and leave the room.

“Ok, hear me out before you say no!-- Let me do a makeover on you. You’re cute and I think with some hair styling, some cute clothes, and some makeup—you’ll be absolutely stunning”

“and why exactly….would I let you do that?”

“Aiden!” she moans, placing an impatient hand on her hip. “Think about it this way. If we make you feel more feminine and you really hate it, you’ll have a deffinant answer to your predicament. If you like it – we’ve taken a huge step forward!”

Even with my heightened emotions, I can agree with her logic. I slowly nod my head in agreement.

Clapping her hands together, Pheobe rushes to her closet and swings the doors wide open. As she runs her fingers across the garments hanging, she turns and smiles in my direction.

“I think you should try wearing a dress.” She says, unhooking one and pulling it from the closet. “Now your leg out of that cast, I’m sure you’d rather have your legs uncovered…right?”

She holds it up in front of herself to show me and waits for my reaction.

“It’s a little girly…,” I say, looking at how short the skirt is.

“It’s perfect!” she says, grinning. “If this doesn’t make you feel so super cute in your body – nothing will!”

“Okay,” I answer calmly, wiping any remaining tears from my eyes. “What do I need to do?”

Pheobe’s face lights up. “Just trust me and do as I tell you!”

I nod again and Pheobe smiles.

That’s when she starts pulling open drawers and dumping clothes and all sorts onto her bed.

“Hey,” she says, continuing to gather items from her room. “Mom asked me to make sure you’re still taking your medicine. Have you been?”

“She’s such a pain,” I sigh. “Yeah, I’ve been taking them still. Not really sure why I still have to though.”

“Good,” Pheobe answers, tucking hair behind her ears as she pulls stuff out from the bottom of her closet. “Yeah… seems a little odd now you’ve had the cast off—I’m sure it's for good reason.”