corwinprescott

Miss Miranda in Santa Monica

Added 2018-01-14 03:53:14 +0000 UTC

How do we avoid becoming caricatures of ourselves? I am turning 30 this month. It feels like with the passing of time I should be finding a way to reconcile the person I am now with the person I was in my 20's when this all began, but it is a struggle.

I worry that I am losing growth.

It would be easy to settle in and say this is work this is who I am. But I have had so much to say. Is it redundant to keep repeating the words and work? Some days it feels hallow. The words come out but the change that comes comes slower or not at all. Can I just say "I found this moment beautiful, and finding that moment gave me a sense of peace that I was looking for?"

I am always looking for peace. A silence to the anxiety that drives me. But still I am not at peace. My brain holds me captive well past sunrise, my peers have started to become adults settling into a stability I have ran from for as long as I have been able. I wish we were still running together.

The truth is even with the success I have been afforded life can feel impossibly lonely. Nicole and I spend hours on planes, on highways chasing our goals. Some days we carry one another. Other days people reach out a helping hand, and they carry us. Those are the days I cherish. We can be anywhere but really we live in a different city, one that floats above us in the cloud. Over enough time away our community becomes avatars that we may never see again. The avatars can go silent. We are surrounded by the ghosts that have left us. People who have stood in front of my camera and vanished. I think I have loved nearly every person I have photographed in some way. Is that the romance of a present that immediately fades to past?

Some days I can't tell if I am dropping my love into a city or a void. The internet can be so loud, but echo back such silence. It is enough to drown in.

I feel like I should acknowledge that this doesn't have anything to do with my shoot with Miranda, but I feel like I need to be saying more when I post even if its just for me.

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