Mr. Faire: Part Four (complete)

I was left on earth to die. I had not been strong enough, and I was remade into one of the fallen. Debased by one side, and refused by the other, I was the outcast of outcasts. For ages I wandered, trying to find a place I could call home and make a family of my own. No matter where I went, I was always found out. I could not hide it for very long.

I was not an angel. I was not a demon. I was not even man, but I was sure that I was not nothing. I was something, just what that was, I didn’t know. I was not one for giving up, so I kept moving, going wherever I could for as long as I was allowed. 

Weak and tired, I collapsed in a valley near a spring. I drank deeply of the water, feeling refreshed for the first time in… I could not remember. As I raised my soggy head from the cool waters, I noticed I was not alone. Nearby, there was a man sitting on a stone. He was strong of body, rugged, and with a devilish glint to his eyes. He was all white as I was, and his legs were covered in thick, woolen fur, capped with silvery hooves. 

“You’re a stranger if I ever did see one!” he laughed, and leaned forward. His grin was unnerving, but it had been so long since I had seen a kind face. “What brings you to my woods, stranger?”

I sat up in alarm, fearing I would be beaten and driven away again. “Please. I’ll leave. I was just so thirsty.”

He looked me over with those black eyes. “Then are you hungry?”

I gasped softly, unsure how to respond. If I answered incorrectly, I could get hurt again.

He slipped off the stone and crossed through the spring towards me. “You must be hungry.” He stepped up onto the shore beside me and stuck out his hand. “You’re in my country now, stranger. You will be under my care as long as you are here. Now tell me, what do you call yourself?”

I rasped slightly, in disbelief that such a beautiful creature was talking to me kindly. I bowed my head low. “I do not have a name anymore. I am not nothing - though, believe me when I say that I am something!” I looked up at him in awe. “What that is though, I no longer know.”

Looking back now, I know that his smile was not genuine. In fact, had I not been so starved for love and acceptance, I would have seen it then. But I took his smile as kindness, and as a genuine outreach of friendship.

“My name is Pan.” He took hold of one of my hands. “And from now on, the something that you are is a friend. From this point on, I will call you Diamantaire.”

I had never been called friend before, and Pan was so lovely that I actually felt blessed. I stayed in Pan’s woods, a pet to the old Satyr. I did not realize it at the time, nor did I understand how he controlled me. I was simply happy to have a friend and a place I could call home.

Pan had many people around him back then, beautiful men and women of all kinds. He also had lots of children, something I came to envy Pan more than anything for. I loved to watch over the children as they played. Their smiles brought me joy, and their laughter was my greatest music. I knew that Pan called me friend, but in the deepest parts of my heart, I knew the something I was supposed to be was a father.

One afternoon, Pan was away from his woods and I noticed two of his young sons were playing near the edge of the forest. Both were young and handsome - one was willful, one was cranky. They looked like their father, but there was something about their eyes that set them apart. It would not be until years later that I realized it was a soul.

The two young boys, Robin and Puck, were gathering sticks from the woods, intent on using the limbs to build a treehouse of their own. I followed along beside them, watching them as they scoured the forest floor for big enough sticks. I went ahead of them, tearing down tree limbs to lay in their wake for them to find. Watching them get excited over it made me feel a greater happiness that I had never known before.

“Wait,” Robin, the eldest, stopped for a moment and scoffed at Puck. “Doesn’t this seem weird to you?”

“Your face is weird, but it has never bothered me before,” Puck said with a shake of his blond head.

Robin scowled, his dark curls falling before his eyes. “No, you nitwit! Look!” He pointed to one of the limbs I had just pulled down for them. “It’s fresh.”

“So? Tree limbs fall down all the time,” Robin grunted. “Why are you so worried about it?”

Robin started scanning the trees, looking up in them. “Because if Father thinks we were going around and taking whatever we wanted from his woods, he’d beat us half to death.”

I shivered all over. That couldn’t possibly be true! Pan was kind. He was a good father. He’d never raise his hand to his children, let alone his eldest sons.

Puck suddenly looked distraught as he glanced around. He sorted through the limbs they had in their cart. “There’s a lot of them.”

“Leave them,” Robin insisted. “I won’t be getting in trouble for this!” They left the wood in a pile and readily went on their way home.

I thought for sure they must’ve been mistaken. There must’ve been a reason they were reacting this way, but I doubted that Pan would act cruelly towards them. I gathered up the limbs and left them in their backyard.

That evening, when Pan returned home, he saw the wood and he called his sons to his side. I watched, curious to see why Pan even cared why limbs were cut down. Pan seemed angry, but perhaps he was trying to teach the boys a lesson. But when Pan slapped Robin hard enough to knock him down, I realized my mistake. 

Then Pan turned his attention to Puck, going towards him with a look of horrible rage in his eyes. He lifted his hand to strike the child, but I would not have it. I rushed out and put myself between Pan and Puck.

“What is that?” Puck gasped in horror.

“Please! My friend!” I cried to Pan. “Don’t hurt the boys, I was the one who did it! They only wanted to build a playhouse. I tore down the limbs for them to find.”

Pan steadied his hand and glared at me. His teeth were bared, and there was a darkness in his face I had never seen before. Puck rushed around me and went to Robin’s side. The dark-haired boy’s nose was bleeding and his eyes looked bleary.

“Is this true, Diamantaire?” His voice seethed like a simmering pot.

I nodded at him. “Yes, my friend,” I whispered. “I swear to you, I was only trying to help your sons! I simply wanted them to be happy and smile.”

Pan chuckled and lowered his hand. “My, my, the innocence that you have.” He reached out and petted the top of my head, between my horns. “Did I ask you to look after my blood?” He asked.

I looked up cautiously at him. “No, my dear friend.”

Pan sniffed, and his smirk grew a little more wicked. “Did I ever tell you that my trees needed pruning?”

I shook my head. “No, my dear friend,” I whispered.

Pan clicked his tongue and nodded. “That is what I thought.” He grabbed one of my horns and snapped it off.

I cried out in pain. The agony was indescribable and I fell backwards, writhing on the ground. Pan stood over me and kicked me as hard as he possibly could.

“You do as I tell you!” he screamed at me. “That is your role! That is why I keep you here!” He kicked me again as I began to cry.  He spat on me then tossed my horn aside. “How pathetic you are. Learn your lesson, Diamantaire. I named you. I gave you purpose. Do not disobey me again.”

He walked away, leaving me sniveling and whimpering on the ground. I shivered and convulsed as pain continued to ripple through my body and out of my broken heart.

“Let’s go,” I heard Puck whisper.

“We can’t,” Robin hissed softly. “It stood up for us.”

“Robin, don’t! We don’t know what that thing is!” Puck shouted after his brother.

Robin knelt down beside me and his small hand touched one of my arms. As I looked up at him, I saw the blood on his nose and the bruising under his eye. I reached up to touch him and he caught my hand in his. 

“Are you okay?” I whimpered.

Robin frowned down at me. “Why did you do that? Don’t you know who my dad is? You’re lucky he wasn’t mad today.”

“He’s my friend. He saved me,” I rose slowly from the ground. Puck had picked up my horn and was looking back at Robin and me.

“My dad isn’t friends with anybody,” Robin laughed. “The sooner you learn that, the better.” He smiled at me, and for the first time, it was a truly kind smile. “I’m Robin, and that’s my baby brother, Puck.”

“I am not a baby!” Puck snapped.

Robin grinned. “Who… What are you?”

“I am not sure on either.” I slouched down. “I thought I was a friend. Your father called me Diamantaire.”

“He can give him a fancy name, but my name is Puck?” the blond boy scoffed.

Robin rolled his eyes. “Well, you can still be a friend,” he told me. “But you can be ours when our dad isn’t looking.”

I sniffled and rubbed at my face. “Why would you do that for me?” 

“Because we hate our dad,” Puck joined in. “So doing anything behind his back to piss him off is really fun.”

“We know what it’s like to be kept under his thumb,” Robin murmured. He extended his hand to me. “We can protect one another.”

I took hold of Robin’s hand, and from that point on, I never let go of it. 

As the boys grew, I continued to watch over them. I also kept a close eye on Pan’s brides and grooms, who he kept in his wood as his playthings. As Puck and Robin became young men, they started helping those trapped by Pan to find their own freedom. With my help, we were able to safely lead them away from the wood. Pan was so self-involved, he sometimes never noticed the lesser ones missing.

Robin had fallen in love with a beautiful nymph named Eira. Pan wanted the nymphs all to his own, so Robin and Eira had to keep their romance a secret. I could tell the relationship made Puck agitated, and he would often come to me when he was most perturbed. 

“He’s so stupid! He should know better!” He chucked stones into the spring while I sat beside him.

I smiled at him. “I’m sure he’ll say the same thing to you when you fall in love.” 

Puck glared back at me. “I’m not going to be stupid.” He tossed a rock that ricocheted and hit him in the ankle. He cussed and plopped down on the ground. 

I placed my hand on top of his head. “You’re worried about him. I am too.”

Puck grumbled and snarled under his breath as he rubbed his bruised ankle. “If our father finds out, he could die.” He looked up at me, his blue eyes wide with worry.

“If he tries, I’ll take his place,” I assured Puck.

“But...” There was a hitch in his voice. “I don’t want you to die, either.”

Puck was never forthright with his feelings - he was always dour and grumpy. I knew Puck cared deeply for things, or else why would he so desperately try to hide it? But hearing him say that cut me deeply, and I knew how worried he truly was.

“It will all be okay. I promised to always watch over you two, and I will do everything in my power to do it.” I patted his back. “So do not fret so and do not be angry at your brother for what all healthy young men do.”

Puck scowled again. “Don’t tell him I said that, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Not long after, Puck came tearing through the woods, screaming for me. Pan had found out about Eira and Robin. He had already taken away the poor nymph, and Robin was on his way to challenge his father. I ran ahead of Puck to find Robin. When I came across him, he was seething with rage and clutching a sword. I tried to talk to him, but he was listening only to his anger.

“You cannot do this! Let me speak to your father for you!” I tried to reason, but Robin knocked me aside.

Puck came along and helped me off the ground. “Diamantaire, what are we going to do?” he whispered.

“Go back to your mothers,” I told him. “Do not get caught in the crossfire. Act as if you didn’t have a clue.” I grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “I will take care of your brother. Go.”

Puck didn’t want to listen, but he knew I was right. He gathered himself and left, running back home to their mothers. I followed alongside Robin, who kept trying to strike me to send me back or scare me away.

“Why are you following me?!” he screamed, tears streaming down his face. “Go away! I don’t need you!”

I remained silent.

“This has nothing to do with you! Leave me alone!” He ran ahead, charging towards his father’s temple.

The building was made of stone, and all the windows were made of red stained-glass diamonds. Pan’s worshippers had built it for him, and it had become both his home and the altar which he was worshipped upon.

I chased Robin inside, where Pan and his followers were waiting. Pan looked down from the altar as Robin rushed inside, halting as the worshippers blocked his path.

“Where’s Eira?” Robin screamed. “Give her back to me!”

“You stole her from me.” Pan stood up from his throne. “How dare you be so arrogant? I raised you to be better.”

“You didn’t raise me at all!” Robin cried. “You hold me by the throat, but you did not raise me!” 

I came up behind Robin, rising up to tower over him and the worshippers. The worshippers shrunk away, terrified by my visage. 

“Diamantaire, I expected better of you as well,” Pan sneered. “Have you come here to talk me out of beating this idiot again? Is it somehow your fault?”

“No, my dear friend,” I answered him.

I heard Robin’s breath catch. 

I stiffened my jaw. “I saw him coming here with sword brandished. I wanted to make sure my friend was safe.”

Pan smirked. “I was worried, my friend,” he chuckled. “I am relieved to know whose side you are on. Take care of your friend.” He nodded towards Robin.

Robin screamed and started to charge at the worshippers. I grabbed hold of him and threw him from the temple. The doors instantly shut, and I was locked inside while Robin banged on the door.

“I see.” Pan stepped down and the sea of worshippers parted for him. “You’ve made your choice, have you?”

I glared down at him. “Leave the boy be. Do not harm him anymore. Take everything you have out on me! Every trespass he does, every twinge of regret he makes you feel, make it mine to bear.”

Pan grinned at me. “You’ve always been a sentimental fool. Your appearance deceived even me all those years ago.” He sniffed and turned his head away. “Fine. From now on, you will take the punishment my son incurs, though he will not know it. But know this - I will not go easy on him. Even if a breath annoys me, you will know it!”

Pan snapped his fingers, and his worshippers surrounded me. “Take him above,” Pan commanded. “If he is lucky, the red room will be his crypt.”

I was taken upstairs, unsure if Pan would keep his word and spare Robin. The red room was made of red stained glass fashioned into diamonds. I was strapped down to the floor, and there I stayed. During the day, the heat of the sun burned the red diamonds into my skin. At night, I was beaten or flogged while Robin’s supposed crimes were listed to me. This went on for days, months, years - I was not sure. I took it all, just for my friend. 

One day, there was a horrible storm. I found respite from the burning diamonds, and I said prayers that might have been my last. As I closed my eyes, the sky fell on me. A tree crashed through the red glass, shattering it and opening the world to me again. As rain fell on my face and I felt the cold, whipping winds, I was renewed. 

“He’s here!” A figure jumped down from the tree, quickly followed by another. My restraints were removed from me and gentle hands lifted me up.

“We’re here! It’s okay!” The voice was familiar, but it was aged from when I last heard it.

“Robin,” I whispered. “Oh, good. You are alright.”

Tears streamed down Robin’s face as he held me. Puck was examining me, and there were tears falling from his eyes as well, which he excused as the rain. The two of them removed me from the red room, and from Pan’s woods altogether. 

Puck took care of my wounds and injuries. He had become a doctor during my time in the red room. Robin was fretting, panicking over my condition. His guilt was palpable, but I needed to assure him I had no ill feelings.

“Why would you do something like that?” Robin cried at my bedside. “It wasn’t worth it! It wasn’t!” He sobbed bitterly every time he looked at me.

“I love you, Robin,” I told him. “You were my first friend, and you were like my own.” I reached out and patted the top of his head. “I would do it again, no question.”

“Your nightmares...” Robin blurted. “Even with all the pain, all the screaming, the fact you no longer sleep, you aren’t healing! You’re going to die, and for what?” He was breaking. “I am not worth it.”

I smiled at him. “You and Puck are very worth it.”

“There’s something we can do,” Puck murmured from his corner. His blue eyes appeared gray now, clouded. “If we take his memory, the stress placed upon him could alleviate and he could heal.”

“But...” Robin whimpered. “His memory… All of it?”

Puck nodded. “He has one horn left,” he replied. “If we remove it, it’ll be like he’s made new. He’ll go to sleep, and when he wakes up, he’ll start over.”

“But...” Robin looked at me. 

I took hold of his hand. “I don’t want to leave you alone again,” I whispered. “If this means I’ll get to watch over the two of you a little bit longer, then I’m okay with starting new.”

Robin wiped the tears from his face. “Are you sure?”

I nodded. “But you must make me two promises.” I held up two fingers. “One, I want you to give me a new name when I wake up.”

“Of course,” both boys agreed.

“And two,” my breath rattled, “unless I ask you, tell me nothing of who I used to be. If I am starting new, I will start the way all children do.” 

“I’ll take care of you, I promise.” Robin kissed my forehead, and in that same moment, Puck took my last horn.

I went into a deep sleep as my body healed. Everything reset, and when I awoke, I saw a stranger sitting at a desk, going over papers. He seemed to sense someone was looking at him and he turned from his desk. He adjusted his glasses and he smiled at me in a way that made me feel safe.

“Authaire! Good to see you.” He came to my bedside and took my hand. “How do you feel?”

I blinked a few times as I looked at him. “Who are you?”

Sadness wavered over his face for a moment. “I’m Robin,” he told me. “And I am going to take care of you.”

From then on, Robin took me under his wing. He gave me a glamour so that I would blend in with the world around us. He took me on his treasure hunts, and we sought out ancient treasures. Robin’s goal was not merely to collect the relics of ages past, but to rescue others. The treasures he sought were often prisons for the creatures inside them. Djinn, ghosts, lost souls, and broken works of art were what Robin searched for. He also worked to right the wrongs his father did in the world.

It was during the start of the First World War that I felt a calling. While Robin was against it, I enlisted. It was while I was overseas I met a small band of traveling performers. They put on shows for the troops, smuggled children away from war zones, or helped people with nothing to evacuate and escape overseas. Muna and Fye lead this troop, and they saw me underneath my glamour and accepted me. 

It was because of them that I stayed in Europe and joined their traveling carnival. Using what I had learned from Robin, I was able to find others like me who needed a place to call home. I hated being away from Robin, but I felt called once again to do this.

At the start of the 1920s, I took my new family home with me. I visited with Robin and asked him what I could do for these lost souls. 

“What do you want more than anything, Authaire?” Robin asked me. He patted his fingertips over my chest. “Look deep inside your heart, and you’ll find the answer.”

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. “I want a family.”

Robin nodded knowingly. “Then you take them and you grow your family, Authaire. I’ll give you supplies, help you build your carnival. Do what you feel is right and travel this world, saving the lost, taking care of the sick, loving the unlovable. Just like any parent would do for their children.”

I hugged Robin tight. “I love you, Robin.”

“I love you too, my friend - my son.” Robin pulled back, removing his glasses and wiping his eyes. “You brat. You’ve gone and made me cry.”

We laughed then and, together, we worked on building up the carnival. Robin created a character for me that I could use to take the center stage, and he called me Mr. Faire. 

“I’ve never quite known what I was,” I told Robin before we were to leave. “But I’m starting to think I know.”

Robin placed a top hat on my head. “Just remember, you are never nothing,” he whispered. “You are a friend, and the kindest one in the entire world.”

I traveled the world after that - worlds, actually. Using the powers that Muna and Fye had, we were able to go anywhere we were needed. My family grew, my carnival grew, and my horizon was endless.

“Authaire?” Ruby whispers to me. “Are you okay?”

I look up through tears, seeing her and then seeing Robin. I blink several times as the tears fall. My horns have reattached and, with them, all my memories.

“You did all that for me?” My voice breaks as I speak to Robin.

He nods. “And I’d do it again too.”