Naruto: Freeloading is Great! [23]

Time flies like light, days and months slip past like a shuttle. In the blink of an eye, three… days had gone by.

Expecting three years to pass already? Behave. Stop dreaming.

During these three days, Hoshino’s gaze would now and then drift toward his shabby little wooden door. He wasn’t waiting for that dead homosexual Sasuke to show up again—he was praying that Guy would never, ever find this place.

Watching Hoshino, who after disappearing for a day had returned only to laze around like a parasite, too lazy even to step outside, always making him pack food, Naruto finally lost patience and hurled a slipper at his head.

“Hoshino, you’re getting more and more useless! Before, your eyes just looked like a fish dead for three days—now they look like one dead for a month! You’re not a turtle, stop hibernating already!”

“Quit yapping. That death-sprint from a few days ago drained half my lifetime’s worth of stamina. I need to hide in my blanket until spring comes to restore my energy, so…”

Knock knock~

“Brat, go open the door. If the one knocking is some guy in green tights, say you don’t know me. Tell him only you live here!”

The sudden knocking shocked Hoshino into curling up like a real turtle, pulling his head and limbs back under the quilt.

“Ah, Sasuke~!”

“Mm… Naruto, you’re holding too tight.”

Naruto’s delighted cry and Sasuke’s complaint made Hoshino poke his head out instantly. As much as he hated that gaylord too, Sasuke was still ten thousand times better than that lunatic Guy.

When Hoshino and Sasuke—the two people stuck being “liked” by someone else—met again, neither dared look the other in the eyes, let alone greet each other.

Naruto, totally oblivious to the atmosphere, tilted his head at Sasuke in puzzlement.

“Sasuke, what are you hiding in your pants? It’s poking me.”

“This… this is my long thing!”

“Eh? Sasuke, what are you—”

“Shhh—!”

Before Naruto could finish, Sasuke clapped a hand over his mouth. “Come with me!” he said, dragging him into the bathroom.

Already when Naruto had asked about Sasuke’s pants, Hoshino had secretly opened a slit in the blanket. Now he saw the huge bulge in Sasuke’s crotch. Dumbfounded, he crawled out.

W-what a colossal thing!

Could a five-year-old even have that size? It was practically adult-level!

Sasuke, already the type of protagonist who made people jealous, just made Hoshino’s envy boil hotter after this discovery.

But when he was still doubting if such a thing was possible—even in the ninja world—Naruto’s voice from the bathroom struck him like thunder.

“Wow! Sasuke, your banana is so big—!!”

“Really? Now that you mention it, this banana does seem bigger than normal…”

Bigger than normal my ass!

Shaken to the core by the two in the bathroom, Hoshino tugged his waistband and glanced down at his own brother.

Oh god… not even comparable. Straight-up damage to his pride.

“This banana’s so big… it looks delicious. Can I eat it?”

“You’ve already peeled the skin off, why are you even asking!?”

“Heh heh, because once I peel it, you won’t stop me anymore.”

Picturing that filthy scene, Hoshino staggered back to the door in shock. Since when did these two homosexuals develop this fast!? T-too, too… too outrageous!!

“Naruto, you swallowed half in one bite! Aren’t you afraid you’ll cho—”

“Cough! Cough cough—! Cough cough cough…”

“See, I told you you’d choke.”

The more he listened, the more nauseating it got.

Did these two forget whose house this was? They aren't even trying to lower their voices!

In the end, unable to endure their loud gay antics, Hoshino flung open the door and bolted outside.

His stomach twisted, gagging, nearly throwing up…

Not long after Hoshino ran off, Naruto and Sasuke came out of the bathroom.

“Huh? Hoshino’s not here? Well, good… Anyway, because of special reasons, I keep this banana in my pocket to disguise myself as male. But now I don’t need it temporarily. And in the future, since I’ll be coming over a lot, you really need to watch what you say—don’t carelessly say things that might reveal my gender. Naruto, are you listening?”

“Mm? Uh-huh, uh-huh.”

“Listen properly! If you want to eat them that badly, why don’t you just buy your own?”

After finishing the other half of the banana, Naruto sighed helplessly, tossing the peel in his hand.

“I can’t buy them. Hoshino seems to have some special hatred for bananas. Every time he sees a peel, he mutters something like ‘the bastard that killed me,’ eyes glowing blood-red.”

“Eh? Hoshino hates bananas? …That’s a bit surprising.”

“It’s not fear. More like… hatred. Yeah, hatred. Whenever he sees someone toss a banana peel, he can’t resist tailing them and secretly throwing a rock through their window.”

As he spoke, afraid that if Hoshino came back and found the banana peel in the trash, he’d get smacked, Naruto mimicked Hoshino’s window-smashing gesture and hurled the peel out from the third floor with all his strength.

“That’s littering! Totally immoral!”

“Don’t sweat it, special circumstances! If Hoshino saw this, he’d definitely knock me on the head. Maybe even knock you too, Sasuke.”

“Uh… then let’s pretend I didn’t say anything.”

...

Three hours later.

Figuring that no matter how “durable” Sasuke was, he should be finished by now, Hoshino returned to his cheap rental with bottles, jars, and herbs for mixing the green essential oil.

“No more slacking. Tonight—tonight I have to start massaging my thing. One day, I’ll go out flaunting my own colossal thing too.”

Carrying his swelling jealousy toward Sasuke, Hoshino strode grandly forward—

“Ow—!”

...

At the same time, the two little girls in the middle of their gay games both shivered coldly.

“Sasuke, I’ve got a super bad feeling…”

“C-coincidence, so do I…”

Before either could figure out why their skulls throbbed faintly, they heard a shout from downstairs.

“Who…!? Which bastard threw a banana peel!? Get out here, now! If you come out right now, I swear I’ll only kill you with a kunai—just once! Get out!!”

“Gulp…!” ×2

Naruto and Sasuke swallowed hard at the same time. Meeting each other’s eyes, they both clutched their heads.

“Let’s just pretend nothing happened.”

“Agreed.”

---

This is a fan translation of 火影之软饭真好吃 by 肾亏能力者 All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!