Naruto: Freeloading is Great! [21]

Wearing his so-called invincible battle suit, Hoshino was at this moment pinned down on a stool by Guy, a washbasin clamped over his head.

Looking in the mirror at Guy standing behind him, scissors poised in his right hand, Hoshino felt an extremely bad premonition.

“Forgive-me-green… cough… shishō, what exactly are you planning to do?”

Along with the sound of scissors snapping empty air, Hoshino received the most despair-inducing answer.

“I’m helping you cut my same hairstyle! Although it’s winter and I don’t have a watermelon at home, if I cut along the rim of the basin on your head, the effect shouldn’t be too different.”

Hoshino had only casually described Guy’s and future Lee’s hair as “watermelon style.” He never imagined… that haircut actually really had something to do with watermelons.

These trivial little details didn’t matter. What mattered most right now was—

“Who the hell wants your damn hairstyle!? You seriously want me single for life—”

Snip snip snip snip…!

Before he even finished his sentence, a storm of metallic snaps cut him off. Then, as though teleporting, Guy appeared in another spot, struck a finishing pose, and both his scissors and teeth flashed with a sharp “ding~.”

As the comic-book sparkles faded, the cheap, patchy haircut Naruto once gave him to save money had now been “perfected” into a neat and tidy watermelon bowl-cut. Strands that hadn’t been covered by the washbasin rained down to the floor.

What terrifying speed—he couldn’t even see the taijutsu master’s movements. Just a blur of green afterimages, and his hairstyle was beyond saving.

“Wha—fuck!! Screw your watermelon cut! You screwing with me!?”

Hoshino, losing all rationality, had only just raised his fist when Guy forced him back into the chair. At some point, the scissors in Guy’s hand had turned into a marker pen, the cap clenched between his teeth.

“H-hey, if you keep messing arou—”

Before Hoshino could finish, his two thin silver brows had been turned into thick, long black caterpillars. Hideous.

“Don’t use permanent marker on people’s faces!!”

This time Hoshino’s kick actually landed—but it was already meaningless. His face… was unsalvageable.

Now, in Guy’s room, stood not only one black-haired Big Guy, but also a rather decent-looking silver-haired Little Guy. The two really looked like father and son… ptui!

“Uwaaaahhhhhh—!!!”

Even if what he’d lost could never be restored, his anger burned on. With the habit he’d developed of always carrying kunai on him, Hoshino whipped one out and lunged straight at Guy.

“Ohhh! Youth! This is youth—! You’ve barely completed the disciple ceremony, yet you can’t hold back from sparring with me already! What diligence, what passion, my student!”

Thud~!

Though Guy was moved to tears, his hands were merciless. One palm-smack plastered Hoshino against the wall. If he’d used any more force, Hoshino might’ve been stuck there permanently.

“But… far too many openings!”

For the sake of hiding his ruined face and enduring the massage “divine technique,” Hoshino shredded another battle suit with scissors, fashioned a makeshift mask, and put it on. Thus disguised, he continued to play the hot-blooded disciple, following Guy out to “sweat their youth.”

Guy was a man of dreams. His dream: to spread youth across the world and spark a wave of nationwide fitness.

So, to fulfill this noble dream, Guy led Hoshino to the bathhouse entrance. Under Hoshino’s puzzled stare, he suddenly shrieked toward the inside:

“Yaaaahhh—!! Outside the bathhouse there are two men in green tights with thick brows peeping at the women’s side! Their watermelon haircuts are so handsome!”

Rumble rumble rumble—!

In less than a moment, the bathhouse’s men, women, young, and old all came charging out in light yukata, brandishing washbasins and other “weapons,” murderous intent blazing as they shouted:

“Where are the beasts peeping at the women’s bath!?”

Yes—this was Konoha’s Blue Beast! Using this utterly beastly method that not only mobilized the entire populace to exercise, but also fully inspired his disciple’s will to train, he began what he called daily practice.

Originally, Hoshino wanted no part of it. But then he glanced down at himself—in the same outfit as Guy.

Of course. The matching battle suit made him easily identifiable. The brows ensured everyone knew what criminal’s face to look for. And the watermelon haircut… pure Guy’s lunacy, thinking it was cool.

“You set me up!!”

“Run, for youth! Run with everything you’ve got! Hahahaha…!”

Inside, a herd of ten thousand grass-mud horses stampeded across Hoshino’s mind. But this was no time to blank out. If he didn’t want to be beaten to death by the furious mob, he shouted a furious “Damn it—!!” and bolted.

That bastard Guy, instead of running normally, escaped on his hands—doing a handstand dash.

Yet even upside-down, with his ridiculous physical strength, he quickly outpaced Hoshino and the mob.

And so, deprived of their number one culprit, the enraged crowd instantly shifted their wrath onto Hoshino.

Transference of anger was a terrifying thing. Hoshino was just a five-year-old kid who could’ve strolled into the women’s bath in broad daylight without issue—but thanks to Guy, even if he didn’t die today, he’d surely be half-crippled.

“That silver-haired brat’s out of stamina!”

“Damn pervert! To actually do something as shameless—cough—as hateful as peeping at the women’s bath! Don’t stop me, I’ll beat him until he’s traumatized, so when he grows up he won’t dare follow in his father’s footsteps!”

“The beast’s kid turned down a dead-end alley!”

Amid the shouts laced with murderous intent, Hoshino—having lasted not even twenty seconds before his stamina gave out—stared at the unscalable wall before him. He could already picture himself beaten to death by the mob…

---

T/N: thick ass eyebrows and a bowlcut...

This is a fan translation of 火影之软饭真好吃 by 肾亏能力者 All rights to the original work belong to the creator. Please support them by exploring their original work or sharing it with others if you can. Thank you for reading and supporting my efforts to bring this story to a wider audience!