To my Patrons and Anyone Else

I have been neglectful of this patreon and I deeply apologize for this. And I also apologize for how personal this post is about to get.

For the past few years after moving to Cali my life has been taking dips and dives every which way, and it hasn't been a healthy trip for me in the least. Money was always a fear I had to keep in mind, and more often than not I was barely scraping by to make ends meet. Even now I'm just barely keeping my life together, and it was approaching a point where I couldn't really keep it together anymore. So aside from working on the game, I went quiet.

I've never really been one for talking about my personal life. I always felt like no one really wanted to know any of the issues I go through, because they are here for art, not personal drama or anything of that sort. But having this 'grin and bear it' attitude has only served to internalize my problems and spiral me into a pretty heavy depression that has only gotten worse as time goes on. I can't really reliably say I'm doing all that well anymore, but I'm still trying to keep myself going. 

But at this point? I don't think more donations or anything of that sort is really going to help. At best it only delays things, when really what I need in my life is stability. Without stability I have to constantly worry if I can pay rent, keep food on the table, or pay my bills on time. It's such a massive, mental drain on me to a point where I have been unable to really draw for myself in a long time, and it has been heavily effecting 'The End's development and slowing things to a crawl. I would find myself unable to push myself into doing anything, having difficulty getting myself out of bed, just falling into a deeper hole as time went on.  

I can't really say I'm happy anymore. Trying to look on the bright side of things just doesn't help when I can't even get the energy to consistently draw like I used to. And I went to Cali to animate. Like, what the hell am I doing not drawing when that's why I was here in the first place!? I've been trying to assure myself things will get better, and that everything will be fine. But optimism can only get you so far after three years.

I've had successes, don't get me wrong! I got to animate on a TV show last year, and overall have had some good moments here and there. But they are always fleeting and that lack of stability has pushed down so many things I've found joy in as priorities. And it's becoming more and more clear to me that it's not only hurting me, but it's also hurting the rest of you.

I want to do better. I want to finish my projects and not let life beat down my motivation anymore. Poverty sucks, but I can't let that ruin the dreams I have. I want to prove that I care about all of you. 

Cause you guys are what have kept me going these past few years, and I want to make sure you all know how much I appreciate every single one of you.

Sorry for this huge ramble. If you have any questions, patron or not, please leave a comment. I am open to new ideas and ways to make this patreon worth your pledges, and if that means drawing daily to make sure there is always content? I am all for doing exactly that.

Thank you for believing in me, I don't deserve it, but thank you all the same. I love you all.

-Fatz