Next Level

“What do you mean, scary impulses?” I tried to keep my voice calm and even (sometimes I interrogate when I get too excited). I didn’t want to rattle her.

She looked at me, took a breath, looked away. She looked at me again and said “Sometimes when you say no to things, I want to make you.”

I covered my face. I could feel my cheeks turning hot and pink. “Dammit that’s so hot,” I squealed.

Her face was a little bit red too, “I’m lucky you think so,” she chuckled. Shame tinged her smile, just a bit. I didn’t want her to feel ashamed. I liked this side of her, I wanted it.

“Sometimes when I say no,” I swallowed hard, my tongue felt clumsy, “I want you to make me.” She kissed my forehead. We were quiet for a while, just close, the air heavy between us. I was turned on but I didn’t want to push her.

“The only problem with consensual non-consent stuff is that I kinda always want it,” I said it with a sly little smile, trying to gauge her reaction, trying to see if I should keep going.

Her response wasn’t what I expected, she raised her eyebrows a bit, almost scoffed.

“What???” I pressed, “When do I say no?”

I could see her choosing her words carefully. “You always wanna fuck, yeah. But there are things that you don’t want to do.”

I blinked. Swallowed. Stared at her. Waited for her to finish.

She didn’t finish.

“Like what?” I whispered, so quiet you could miss it. A squeak. A wisp of an ask.

“Like when I want you on your hands and knees. And you get self conscious after a few minutes and squirm around and change positions,” her hands flexed as she described what I already knew was coming next. “I always let you. But I don’t want to let you. I want to make you show me what I wanna see.”

I nodded slowly.

We stared at each other.

“I want to take what I want.”

“I want you to take it.”

She looked away and said thoughtfully “I guess I was wrong.”

“About what?” I asked.

“We do need a safe word.”

I climbed into her lap and she kissed me. I gave her what she wanted. Knowing she’ll take the things she wants later.

(And our safe word is “safe word”.)