Power Dynamics

It’s funny to us now that she “isn’t kinky” because what we do is nowhere close to vanilla. Sometimes we’re in the middle of planning out some weird kinky sex and I raise an eyebrow and smirk and she says “what??” with that sheepish face. I just can’t believe we got so lucky, that the things we want and like fit so perfectly in harmony, balance, synergy.

“My twisted babe,” I say and she blushes a little. I love her twisted impulses, I play with them, toy with them, coax them. She out-twists me every time.

She loves the way I look when I’m pouting, she loves the sound I make when she slaps my pussy, she loves taking advantage of me and pushing my limits. She loves the fight in me, how stubborn I am, how I try again and again even though I know I can’t win. She didn’t know what masochism meant when we met, humble origins for such a solid sadist.

We talk often about The Pull we felt when we met, how it didn’t make sense at all, how there were a million good reasons we could never work, how we felt drawn to each other anyway. I muse about it often when we lay in bed, sweaty and shaking from another mind-bending orgasm, how maybe The Pull was because we fit so well.

Maybe somehow we knew, from pheromones or magnetism, that the things she wanted were the same things I wanted to give. The way she wants to please me is exactly how I’d been dying to be pleased. The way I take care of her is exactly how she’s dreamed of being cared for. Her dominance and my submission fit like they were made from the same stardust. Yin and yang.

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We’re planning one of the deepest kink scenes I’ve ever participated in. 😳 It’s still a couple weeks away, but it plays with (consensual) non-consent and it brushes against a few triggers I’ve experienced in the past. It’s another reclaiming of sorts, a way to set some wrongs in my past right. I feel really confident about experimenting this way with her, and I’m going to be writing about it here.

Because consensual non-consent is sensitive material I’ll be sure to start each post about this scene with a Content Warning, and enough space that readers can make their own choices for their own wellness. As a survivor of sexual assault I’ll be writing about how this experience interacts with my trauma history and the importance of communicating about these concerns, and steps I’m taking to ensure my own wellness and safety. (I will not at any point be giving graphic details about my assault or sexualizing my assault.)

I wanted to just give a heads up for anyone who might struggle with hearing about consensual non-consent.

And a heads up for anyone who might be super excited to hear about some super-hot consensual non-consent (with some solid pre-negotiated boundaries!) 🙈💘

(Photo courtesy of Max, my powerful babe who regularly sends me pictures of intimidating shit I don’t understand while she’s at work. It turns me on a great deal.)