The Blue House of 1478 (25)

(disclaimer: i do not own lord farquaad's namesake, i removed an a, don't sue me)

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previous chapter

Liza is swooning at the idea of Adrian being back in town —and shows up with coffee at my work, hoping to impress him with her new hairstyle, which I can only call a Lord Farquad-inspired mistake.

Which I, of course, voice.

"Don't call me Lord Farquad, you little shit." She snipes, before taking a swig out of my coffee. My back presses into hers as I cross my legs over the bench, and she delivers a jab of her elbow into my side, "I came to have lunch with you inside, not on the benches."

"Boo-hoo."

"Bite me." Liza hands me a rolled-up newspaper, the 'for lease' section circled. "Find a place yet?"

"I'm trying." I've already left a voicemail on Levi's cell, hoping to set up a time to try and win over his neurotic newspaper-loving heart.  Twice. So far, he's ignored me. I try not to deflate at that. "I already told you I'm looking."

It was probably the handshake.

My sister turns forward just to glare. I turn to glare back.

"You need a place." Liza groans. "Now. In, like, less than two weeks now."

"I know."

"I'm not playing around. I can't focus on my wedding because I imagine the smell of your pizza pockets wafting in on my honeymoon night."

"Oh, wah wah. It's just like you, aka Lord Farquad, to want to evacuate the swamp and all — but I'm doing my best."

"I hate you," Liza simpers, patting a napkin around her chocolate-smudged lipstick, "You are the cause of all my stress — and speaking of, I came here to give my eyes a treat, not to burn them with this weirdly sunny weather.  Take me inside."

"I know you came here to ogle Adrian," I roll my eyes, "but I'm on my lunch break."

"The only age-appropriate hot guy in Sleepy Birch was your roommate for an entire year, and you never introduced us."

"I have an image to uphold."

"It's hot."

"It's called sunlight, you vampire. I want to enjoy the vitamin D before it's taken over by one of our signature mega-clouds," I hum when my sister sighs, taking an angry chomp out of her croissant, "besides, aren't you getting married soon? Where's your shame?"

Liza smirks slyly at me from her new seat on the pavement. She lays her head back against where mine rests on the arm of the bench, brown eyes sliding to mine.

"Married doesn't mean dead."

"It does mean taken, though."

"Archaic. I can feast my eyes on city-boy hotties outside of my tv-screen every once in a while," My stomach sinks. I hope it doesn't show on my face. My sister either ignores it or doesn't notice and squints at the sunshine — pulling out a pair of sunglasses from her maze of a purse, "Anyway — an eye for an eye. Aadesh totally has a crush on the bread vendor at his work. I choose to pretend he doesn't."

"Weird," I close my eyes.  "You guys are weird."

"What?"

"It's just — your temper doesn't match your jealousy level. Also. Adrian isn't even that hot."

"Oh," Liza snorts to herself. "Like you know what hot is. Please do tell me who is better in this podunk, mud-covered town?"

"What about Leviticus Blue?" I shrug. My sister is grinning. I blink, realizing what I've said.  "Well — Oh, shut up. You know what I mean."

"Oh, shut up." She mocks. "Is that who you're crushing on?"

I scowl, mildly disturbed by the question.

"... I'm surprised you don't have some weird desire to maim the bread vendor and wear her skin.  Come to think of it, that option suits you."

It's not a crush.

I peek over at my sister, skin warm with the temperature and rays. She's pouting.

"Hm," Liza wrinkles her nose, sunglasses moving with the action. "Well. Drama aside. Levi is hot. And I heard from Ms. Carrey that he has an overnight friend already. A male one."

I snort. I think of the man with bracelets on his wrist.

"And?"

"Well, I don't know. Just that he's more likely to be interested in you, which is saying something."

"I'm flattered and also insulted simultaneously. Only you're capable of making me feel that way," Liza chuckles to herself, and I blink up at the sky, "Anyway, I doubt it."

"Why?"

"His roommate is just as hot as he is — probably a city-boy thing to flock in groups of hotness. I'd ruin the status quo."

Liza gasps,

"...Hot roommate?" She's tapping her fingers together as what I can only imagine as a representation of penises before intertwining them, "— Like a couple?"

I spit out my coffee.

"How in the world did you come to that conclusion?"

"Two hot gay guys don't just move in together, start planting flowers, and don't start boinking each other."

"I didn't say his roommate is gay. Do you sleep with all your straight friends?"

"Why would you -"

"You are so insensitive that it physically hurts. I make lists in my head of the offensive things you say to laugh about with Kia when we hang out."

"You do not." Liza gasps, turning so fast that she nearly dislodges where my head is comfortably resting, "You asshole, do you really?"

"Oh, definitely."

"Well," Liza recovers quickly, flipping her hair before crushing up her danish bag between her hands, "She sounds bitter. Probably had a crush on me or something."

I stare at her, and Liza mouths an impatient,

What?

"Topic one at our meetings is how you think every lesbian is attracted to you."

My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I reach for it, lazily pushing the receive button and bringing it to my ear,

My sister guffaws.  I hush her,

"Hello?"  I try to sit up, but Liza is leaning her back on the loose part of my jacket, "Hello?"

Static.

Fantastic.

"Sorry, mystery caller, you have to speak up because my phone is from the dinosaur age."

There's a distinct laugh, genuine, one that I recognize immediately.

"Theo. It's Matthias. I'll cut right to it since your phone sounds untrustworthy. When can you move in?"