Bitter work

My lovely Diary, I look and feel pretty shitty 🙈 I do my best to get ready for the party, but I can hardly force myself to go for a walk to the post office 🤷 I did nails and hair and then slept the rest of the day. The organizers of the party tried to lift my spirits up, offered bigger gratitude. But if only everything would depend on money or any other panacea.

If Anna is available tomo, I'll give myself a day off any duties and try to catch the vibe... Lots of people are going to the party for Tantra. But I'm so disappointed that kinky friends turned out shallow, that I don't want to share anything. Plus it's not that easy, it takes a lot of energy. And I usually don't get any romantic stories from the parties🤔 Mykola is going to be there, kinky mum, Tiya, some girls from the previous party. And I don't have sincere desire to have loving communication with them 🙈 This idea simply doesn't light me up.🤷

This song by my fav artist supports me at times like this.https://youtu.be/A5Ne78yykDU

I'm a professional. But if I force myself, it's bitter work. Like that last guest, who looked critically at my place. I wasn't feeling like working, but I do need to buy a lot of stuff for the studio, and this man offered to pay more. I had to wait for 2 hrs (disrespect), so we didn't have time for exercises, but he wouldn't feel anything anyhow. A big guy, acts like a boss, huge belly, stiff muscles. Too much work 🙈 And he wants to feel wanted. I did my best and it was challenging. In the end he told me that he already had an orgasm today, so I was a real pro to make him come again🙈 Well, I really try to serve people, but I wasn't happy at all. I want Practice. I want to evolve in Tantra with my partners. I want to choose them myself. Like I'm so week these days I refuse everybody, coz I don't hear true call for Tantra.

I want my work to be pleasurable 🥰