II-123 Did It Ever Hurt You?

"Why, hello, my lost and desperate god of creation. You look positively dreadful. You look like you need a friend."

"And what kind of friend will I find in you? Lord of Deceit, Shaper of Sin, Cultivator of Atrocity."

"So many words describe me. I simply like to think of myself as someone who encourages impulses. I make people more of who they are. And right now, I think I'm going to give you an offer, so that you can retain more of what you are after you completely shatter. I know about your little plan, those Faebloods you infused yourselves into. They will be found and slaughtered by the Unfallen. You understand this, yes? Without someone to properly harbor and smuggle them, they will be butchered. There are no safe havens left for your people. The Fathoms are a miserable pit of despair. A downright tragic den of butchery and slaughter. It is a hard and lonely place if you don't have a sanctuary."

"And you will offer me this sanctuary using your claimed hells, your den of sin and vice?"

"Why not? Who would go looking for a shrine there? Who would go find a fragment of the creator there? How would such a noble and kind god ever come to an agreement with something like me? And besides, even if they accuse me of it, accuse me of harboring your people, and I just say that I didn't, what are they going to do, call me a liar? I can be lying about anything."

"Why? Why are you offering me your place? Why are you intervening on my behalf right now?"

"Because, dearest, we are bound to the same enemy: the Unfallen, their so-called gestalt mind that guides them, that embarrassment they have for our system. I can't accept it. And they cannot accept the fact that I will be the one who lays claim to Earth eventually. And so, I am simply preparing for an inevitable war. They meanwhile react and throw their tantrum and kill and butcher and infest entire sections of the Fathoms, much like the boring people they are."

"And ultimately, I don't see a problem between me and you coexisting. What's sin without a little virtue? What's a hell without a heaven? What's a devil without a god?"

"So what do you say? Fancy me, your savior, in this time of desperate need? What's with the hesitation? There's no one else coming, creator. I'm all you have."

-Conversation between Mepheleon and the Creator

II-123

Did It Ever Hurt You?

"Wait, so you're a god too?" Wei said, gesturing at the Trine.

"We are a fragment of the creator," the Trine answered. "We bear the memories and the inheritance of our predecessor. We are not truly a full god yet. Only when the full symphony is rejoined and when we retain enough fragments of ourselves can the celestial chorus be reborn."

Wei blinked. "Alright, but you are technically the descendant of a god, you are a scion."

"Not quite. We are an inheritor. We are a fragment, a fragment in the process of rebuilding itself into something whole."

The young master groaned. The amount of gods, scions, and other things across the fathoms was crashing into his mind like an overwhelming weight. He just wanted all his enemies to line up now so that he could kill them one after another and not have to deal with all these details. "And the unfallen, they've been hunting you for ages now because they feed off of entropy?"

"Indeed," the Trine said. "They feed off destruction, and their system there is something that is supposed to thrive only in destruction and decay."

"Yes," the Trine said.

"And so you are existentially opposed to each other."

"Correct."

"And because you, or at least your former self, made an arrangement with Mepheleon and also had an artifact planted in the Claimed Hells by your former self to restore and rebuild all of you..."

"...into the Creator," the Trine carried on where he trailed off, "to rebuild us into a coherent symphony and restore the Creator.

"Right," Wei said, still not fully understanding. "So the Claimed Hells is now a rallying point for your people? A place to regroup and support Mepheleon against the Unfallen."

"Yes," the trine finally said, "that is about the general tone of things."

"Very well," Wei said. "That sounds utterly confusing. But so long as we get to kill the unfallen, I care very little."

The Trine paused now, and they looked at Wei. "You are a very direct note in the symphony, you know that?"

"Is everything going to be a musical metaphor with you?" Wei asked.

"Likely."

The young master sighed. "Welcome to my sect. I collect all manner of strange creatures and people. You will likely fit right in."

"Or rather, I will. There are versions of the trine scattered everywhere. Faebloods that must be reintegrated with my very being. The celestial symphony will sing again. And you, Wei, will be at the forefront of my power."

And through it all, the Trine spoke while scratching the Facetaker's head. The man was fast asleep, slumbering as he clung to the Trine's legs. 

"And what is his story?" Wei asked.

The trine looked down. "Ah, a lost child. A Trespasser on one of our worlds."

Wei let out a long, suffering sigh. "He, too, is a Trespasser."

"Yes, but he Trespassed too early. He was separated from his family. A terrible accident. He was pulled across and given a second chance. And his skills at artistry made him a wonder on many worlds. He delved into human biology as well, into aesthetics and theater. And for years he learned from us, though his psyche remained fragile. In the end, when the unfallen came, we spirited him away. We directed him to the plane of Hells first. Alas, none of the Oathbearers that came with him survived the ordeal. But he did. And, against all odds, he carried one of us here, even headless, even ruined. The body had been healing for years in that stasis chamber, and he cared for us. He sold his very being for us. He lost himself then to madness, but he never forgot his original purpose, his original family."

Wei looked at the Facetaker and winced with pity. Previously, he thought the young man was merely mad and simply useful. Now, now it just seemed that he was another pawn of fate, battered around the fathoms, used by other beings to service their needs.

"Very well, then," Wei said, "I must bring you back to the others before they come searching for us."

"There is no need. We will return shortly."

"What do you..."

And then the Trine began to sing. It sang in a note that reversed the course of time. It sang the song that constantly emanated from their being, but it sang it backwards. And suddenly, Wei found himself pulled back across the length of time, accelerating through this stretch of the Claimed Hells, back onto the trains, to the crawlers, back, back until he was in the Unblossomed again, trailing past the endless lines, as Ellena and Rafael argued once more. 

They shot through the front doors of the mansion. The Facetaker lifted his head, stunned and surprised.

Wei looked around and found everyone still there. Most of them talking to each other, debating on something, Ellena and Rafael still arguing viciously like cats and dogs. They all turned. They all regarded Wei. Once more, Vendrian walked over and placed Justice in the young master's arm.

"You owe me this," Vendrian said, and patted Wei on the shoulder. "Good luck."

Justice promptly threw up on the young master.

"And who is this wonderful new gift to the world?" the Trine sang at once. Justice briefly eyed the strange three-headed creature, looked at Wei and then promptly burst out crying.

"You see that face you're making right now?" Bishop said as he marched aside Wei. He leaned in. "Yeah, that's how I feel when I look at you sometimes."

"Am I truly that bad?" Wei said, staring at the weeping Justice.

"Wei, you are infinitely worse than this shitty, puking, fucking baby." And then Bishop smacked Wei in the same place on the arm that Vendrian just did and walked off as well.

Agnesia came over. The baby cried even harder. The princess frowned and she looked at Wei. He sensed her frustration and he simply awkwardly patted the child on the back. "Perhaps he just needs to get used to you."

"Perhaps," Agnesia said, her voice thinned. She was staring slightly at the baby. 

Wei was suddenly well aware of her sin being wrath. I might need to watch her near the child. Frankly, I need to watch her near several different people. I think I made her a little too fast and a little too fierce and… aggressive.

"Wei." A voice called from the side. Wei went rigid, but then years of conditioning broke. He wasn't a disciple anymore, and that man wasn't his father. He turned to stare at William Yu, and the man was judging him, eyeing him with a disdainful gaze. "What are you doing?"

Wei looked at the baby. "I am upholding my end of the bargain."

"No, with the kid. What are you doing?"

Wei held up the child. "I am..."

"That's not how you hold a kid. Why are you holding him around the hips? Under the arms? What are you going to do? Hip toss the poor little fucker. Come on, let me show you."

And then William went by, picked the baby up, and placed him in the crook of his arm. He rocked the child for a moment, and the little justice went from fussing to whimpering and not making much noise at all. Slowly, Wei found himself staring at little Justice, and there was a feeling inside of him. A sour, bitter feeling.

"This is how you hold a baby," William said. "You got to support his neck, and you got to cradle his body. Are you listening?"

Wei just stared.

"Wei?" William said.

There were several emotions in that word inside the young master. Part of him wanted to turn away to just dump this responsibility onto his karmic slave and demand that he take care of the child. But there was another part of him that was tired of running from this. And then, Wei felt against his back, Agnesia's hand. She was resting it against him. It wasn't forceful, but it was there. And there she was, living up to her promise. Sometimes, when someone decided to become your knight, it didn't mean protecting you from discomfort, but forcing you into it, so that you didn't break yourself from leftover grief.

"I think we should go on a walk, and we can talk more about the... the child matters."

William stared that way. "Yeah," William said, his voice dropping low, "the child matters."

And so, they took a walk in the Unblossomed. The mansion was being rebuilt. A layer of heavy metal, dense wood, and glistening glass had replaced most of what was destroyed during Mepheleon's onslaught. As they descended from the staircase, they saw many small housing units rising in the distance, clustered and varied in terms of style. Steam hissed from the corner of his eye as he saw the oath bearers building more, always building. This place was a far cry from what it used to be, a broken place of butchering and murder. Wei decided then that he would be remiss to not upgrade it further. He would have Rafael and Ellena devote more of their resources to building up the Unblossomed. Even in the Claimed Hells, there should be a sanctuary. Everywhere should have a sanctuary. That was what home was, that was what family was supposed to be.

"I remember holding you like this," William began.

Wei immediately clenched his teeth. "Do you?"

"Yeah," William said. His tone was light, but the man knew what he was doing, and Wei couldn't help but hate him for it. Still, Wei pushed through the loathing and engaged with the man. 

Engaged with the man he constantly denied being his father. "Was I as bad as this one?" Wei looked at Little Justice, who was fussing again. They'd found a bottle earlier. Vendrian came rushing back to give them some supplies, and then he left again. Several disciples paused in their daily scheduled training to coo and aw at the baby. Wei glared at them, and it took a while for them to notice. Eventually, as they cleared off and maintained some distance from him, the two were left in peace. Him and his father. The boy, however, wouldn't stop fussing.

"What, compared to him?" William said, bouncing Little Justice up and down in his arms. "Yeah, he's practically peaceful compared to you."

Wei did a double take. "What?"

"Yeah," William said, eyeing Wei. "You, you were a little terror."

Wei couldn't believe this. The man was now walking around, had destroyed his home, had betrayed his realm, had murdered his mother, and now he said Wei was a little terror as an infant. "Are you trying to provoke me?"

"It's the truth," William said. "I held you up, and every time I did it," he held Justice up in his arms, and the little bastard had the gall to giggle. "You just tried to pee on me. You were pretty accurate, too. I made the mistake of opening my mouth the first time and never again."

Wei held back a snort. He did an admirable job, but William still noticed. "You were a pretty judgy baby. You didn't cry so much, but you did squeal, and you did glare. You had your mother's glare." William paused. "You always had her eyes."

And then there was that painful knot in Wei's side again. "I, I do have her eyes. I have a hard time looking in the mirror sometimes."

William sighed. "What do you want me to say?" 

Wei eyed the man. For a moment, he wanted to yell. He wanted to strike the man, to hurt him. But he was holding the boy. And Wei… Wei was so deep in his anger and misery that he didn't think he could ever go back. But he was also so tired of all the constant violence and abuse and the torture and the horror of this place that he didn't have the strength to hurt his father anymore. 

His father. 

He held back from recognizing the man for so long. He tried to take full revenge after breaking the man. And he suspected that William decided to throw that fight to some capacity to punish himself as well. But Wei was just tired, most of all. William was his father. Wei was beyond wounded by him. Those two statements were absolutely true.

"How can you say that to me with a straight face?" Wei said. "How? After all that you did, how? How do you, how do you do both of those things at once?"

William stared at him. "Because I always could do different things at once." And this was his father being an honest man for once. "I could force myself to do things other people didn't want to do. I could go places because I was so selfish. But yeah, it hurt me. It hurt me bad when I killed your mother. It hurt me bad when I tried to kill you. And I ran. I ran afterward. And I didn't bother stopping. I didn't even care that the inheritors were calling in. I ran. And I wanted out of this life. I wanted to be done. And you just kept coming after me. You didn't die. And so I had to face you."

"But I didn't have it in me anymore. I don't have it in me anymore, Wei. I don't want to run anymore. I don't have the strength to deal with any of this anymore." And a tear fell from William's eye. "I... I don't know what to say."

Wei stared at him. "Mother... I went to visit her after... after Fighting Land. I descended into the darkness. And I spent some time." Wei held himself together. "I don't... there is a special kind of misery. Realizing that you have to descend into a realm of death to see your own mother. To realize that... that this... this thing is still fortune because you get to spend some time with her. That the Hound is using this to manipulate you, to ingratiate you somehow. That you are obviously a pawn to so many people. But you do it anyway. Because you are that heartbroken, you are that weak on the inside."

"You're not weak."

"Silence, father," Wei snapped. "Shut up. Just shut up. I can't..." Wei controlled the shaking of his hands and even Justice was silent now. He looked at his father and he drew in a breath. "You have wounded me. You have scarred me. You have broken me in ways I will never heal from. But I'm also not hateful enough to kill you. I wanted to kill you for so long. And mother, she still loves you. I can see in her eyes you hurt her too. Worse than me, but she still loves you."

And now, William was crying quietly. And Justice began to squeal again. Wei reached over and patted the boy on the back. "She told me to use your expertise, to use you as much as I could. And I've been trying, but I don't, I can't let it go. I don't know what to do to let it go, to make it all right again. It can't be right again.

"Our home can't be unburned. You can't un-kill her. You can't, you can't... I can't have you. All my life, I wanted just to please you and Mother, and I wanted you to be proud of me and her to be." He looked away. "But we can't be, not anymore. I can't be just a sad, miserable child, despite what you did to me. I have to be more to survive that, and you, you're still my father, I suppose, but what, what is there to say between us? What is there to do?"

"Wei," William said, "I don't know. I really don't. Do you want me to die for you? Do you want to kill me? 

“What would that change?" Wei laughed. "What would your pain change? What would your torture change? What would your misery change? For so long, I kept you as a comic slave just to humiliate you, but it just boiled me on the inside. I took you as punishment because I thought it would hurt you. And you're already hurt. You're already miserable. You're already selfishly broken. But it just bleeds me instead. You being here bleeds me."

Wei trailed off. He noticed some of his disciples looking at him and he sighed. This is not how a patriarch should be.

"No," William said, "you're better than I ever was. You got problems. I'm sorry I gave you so many problems."

And slowly, William reached out to Wei, but the young master flinched. "Don't do this," Wei asked. He practically begged. "Don't. If we do this, I can't." And he turned away from his father.

But then he paused mid-step and he came back. "Don't talk to me. I will hold the child now. Tell me what I'm doing wrong." 

And William stared at Wei, and slowly he handed Justice over as they began to walk the interior of the mansion.

"Right, remember to support his neck. It'll be important for you when you have one of your own."

Wei shrugged. "How do you know I will have one of my own?"

William smiled at him. "How do I know that you're not going to miss out on the chance to be a better father than I was?"

Wei considered that. "Well, when you put it like that..."

William laughed.