Ocelot Rap (parody of "Handlebars" by Flobots)

I can live my life as an ocelot

An ocelot

An ocelot

I can live my life as an ocelot

An ocelot

An ocelot

Look at me, look at me

Cocky as hell cause it's good to be

A spy, working undercover

Secure the Soviet Legacy

I can call in Spetznaz patrol

I can spin guns like a dude from Texas

I can do all my own pest control

And I can have an M-72 for breakfast

I can make a bald guy urinate

I can make a bullet ricochet

I do this real cool thing with my hands

And I can make The Boss get all irate

Me and Big Boss had an argument

Me and Big Boss met the president

You can guess how well it went

I can fool anyone that I want, I said

I quadruple-crossed the CIA

The CIA

The CIA

And I can ride a horse across a battlefield

A battlefield

A battlefield

Look at me, look at me

Just woke you up so that I could see

Big Boss come back to life

After we cooked up Les Enfants Terribles

I can make Snake run around in circles

I can make a corpse of the DARPA chief

I can design an electric

Torture device that'll kill you if you try to cheat

I can shrug off any amputation

I conduct a mean interrogation

Liquid's the boss at Shadow Moses

But I'm the one behind the manipulation

Mantis, Wolf and Vulcan Raven

Help plant the seeds for my Outer Haven

I got a sweet deal with Gurlukovich

But it's nothing but a bait-and-switch, so

I can tantalize you with a sequel hook

With a sequel hook

With a sequel hook

And you can find me lurking in an easter egg

In an easter egg

In an easter egg

(instrumental)

Look at me, look at me

And my new arm that can talk

I break the rules, backstab these fools, and everyone gets rocked

Snake's a traitor

The tanker is sunk

And now two years later

This new kid's a punk

I'll avoid all future mutilations

Perform presidential assassinations

Cause Doc Ock's annihilation

Set a course for world domination

I can make everybody go insane

Just 'cause I'm the man

My methods may seem to be inhumane

But it's all according to plan, because

I control all of your nanomachines

Nanomachines

Nanomachines

And I can cause explosions with my finger guns

With my finger guns

With my finger guns

And I'll free the world from La Li Lu Le Lo

La Li Lu Le Lo

La Li Lu Le Lo

La Li Lu Le Lo

La Li Lu Le Lo

La Li Lu Le Lo

I have lived my life as an ocelot

An ocelot

An ocelot

I have lived my life as an ocelot

An ocelot

An ocelot