The Fox Guarding the Henhouse

The life of a drifter was a rough one for a fox.

There were quite a number of classic personality traits for a fox. Cunning, conniving, scheming, manipulation, charming accents… But what if you weren’t ANY of that? What if you were just a dumb, down-on-his-luck country fox, who was just trying to find his place in this world?

Heading out on his own had to be the worst mistake Frederick had made in his life. He should have just stayed in Oregon, working at the family deli. But no; he wanted to see the grand country and have as much fun as he could…

Then a cruel series of bad decisions happened, and he lost most of his money having a good time. Now, he had to face the consequences of his actions; he was far away from home, without anybody who even wanted him to come back. He was weak, scrawny, lacking in confidence… the best “trick” he had was telling people about what lead him to this outcome in life.

It didn’t quite win Frederick a lot of sympathy; Farmers and city folk all looked at him with the same pairs of stink-eyes and scowls. Everyone was under the impression they couldn’t trust him as far as he could spread his smile from cheek to cheek…

Except he couldn’t even muster THAT up; Frederick was so unsure and awkward that he could barley work up the nerve to show his teeth. He just stood before people, nervously shuffling about as he blew interview after interview.

Days had gone by, and still he was no closer to getting things back under control. Frederick didn’t have a lot of time left; he was running low on cash, and would soon be unable to even buy a loaf of bread. He came to a stop beside a river, and knelt down to help himself to a few desperate handfuls of water… the closest thing to a proper drink he could get.

“Just face it, Fred…” He looked down sadly at his own reflection as he fell onto his knees. “Nobody’s going to give a fox a chance, here or in any other countryside….”

Frederick washed his face down with the river water and tried to keep from losing it. He was so low on options. He’d do anything to finally fix things, and not go out of life as a failing nobody. Anything at all…

“What do you think you’re doing there, boy?”

The gruff voice caught Frederickby surprise; his eyes widened as he glanced down at the ominous figure looming behind his reflection. They were so chiseled; it was like a building somehow gained ninja mastery and caught the fox by surprise. There was a thick chin looming under that wide straw hat, and a very sharp pitchfork was gripped in a terrifyingly-thick hand.

“I-I-I’m sorry.” Frederick stammered as he quickly leaped to his feet and shook in place. He could barely work up the nerve to turn around to look upon the face of this warrior of the plains.

Frederick had to look up past the thick muscles to look upon the face of the figure under the hat. It was a bull; nearly twice the fox’s age, and ten times as strong, no doubt. The bull stuck the pitchfork into the ground as he crossed his arms across his chiseled chest.

“You from out of town, kid?” The bull asked.

“I… uhh…” The fox gulped. “Y-Yes, Sir. And I’ll be heading out shortly; I won’t bother you again.”

“Settle down, kid.” The bull said gruffly. “It’s only natural for a guy to need a quiet moment to get a drink from the river.”

“Ah… right…” The fox gulped. “I, uh… I need to head down the road anyway. Really shouldn’t be dawdling around her, uh, sir…”

The fox stood up, silently nodded his head to the big bull, and turned to make his way out of the area..

“Say, kid…” the bull lifted his hat up a bit. “Are you looking for work?”

Frederick blinked; he stopped shivering, turned around, and looked nervously into the bull’s eyes. “Umm… y-yes?”

“And… I take it you don’t have anywhere to stay?”

“Well… I have at least one more night in the motel a mile down the road…” The fox scratched his shoulder.

“Hmph.” The bull grasped his pitchfork and rested it on his shoulder. “Well then… perhaps you’d be willing to take a chance on a particular job?”

Frederick couldn’t believe what he was hearing; he wiped down his ears and even poked a finger into one to wiggle it around. “Did… Did I hear that right?”

“You’re down on your luck, right?” The bull snorted. “I’ve been where you are now, kid. And I’m willing to give you a chance.”

Once again, the fox couldn’t believe it. He braced himself and waited for the bull to shout “PSYCH!” or “IN YOUR WILDEST DREAMS!” But it never came; the bull just waited for a reply.

“You alright there, kid?” The bull lightly tapped the fox on the head. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Erm, uhh…” The fox coughed and did his best to collect himself. “S-Sorry, sir.”

“The name’s Buck.” The bull offered the fox a hand. “Buck Brown. I’m a farmer around these parts. You got a name, kid?”

“It’s…” The fox tentatively took the bull’s thick hand to shake two fingers. “Frederick.”

“Well then, Fred…” The bull grinned as he lightly shook the fox’s hand. “I reckon you’ll be perfect at the job I’ve got in mind.”

“G-Great…” The fox eventually took his fingers back. “What, uh, IS the job, exactly.”

“Nothing too complicated…” the bull grinned. “Just guard duty.”

~~…~~

Frederick had never seen a chicken coop quite like the one across from Farmer Buck’s house… because it was ENORMOUS. It easily towered over every other building; the house, barn, and silo were all like mere MODELS before that fierce white structure. And it was so perplexing, too; structurally, it resembled plenty of chicken coops that the fox had spotted here and there during his travels through the farmlands. And yet this one… it was like a chicken CASTLE. It even had two sets of front doors; one built for normal-sized anthros with a staircase leading up to it, and another door that towered fiercely beside it.

“Is… Is that real?” Frederickasked. “Or did I pass out in that river?”

“Oh, it’s real, kid.” Buck patted the fox on the shoulder and gave a hearty laugh. “Follow me on over, and I’ll introduce you to the gals.”

“Uh… okay.” Frederick had nearly fallen over, and struggled to right himself as he followed the bull down the hill, past the front gate, and toward the ominous coop.

“I have an arrangement of sorts with a macro-sized distribution industry.” Buck explained as he led the way up the staircase. “I collect eggs, see, to be sold across the land to the macro markets. And I’m sure you can guess what size they are.”

“Umm…” Frederick gulped as the bull pushed the door open.

“Here.” Buck walked through the door and wagged his tail. “Head on inside, and I’ll give a quick rundown of the operation…”

The interior of the chicken coop smelled like one; a bit musky, with the light odor of discarded feathers. It was a bit noisy, too. But not with the sound of mindless clucking… instead, it was idle chatter, amongst lady folk. And not just ANY lady folk…

Frederick had never seen so many hens in his life… nor had he ever seen any so BIG, so CLOSE. There were rows upon rows of massive nests, and in most of these nests were hens: MACRO HENS.

Each one had to be twice… now, THRICE the size of just the bull alone… which meant the fox felt as puny as he ever could. And every single one of the hens on the bottommost row beside the walking platform directed their attention right at the both of them. Buck just strode forward with a confident smile, while Frederick nervously followed behind him.

“See all these here hens, kid?” Buck asked as he gestured around with his free hand. “Each and every one of them… is my employee.”

“E-Employee?” Frederick asked.

“Certainly.” The bull smiled. “I pay them to live in this coup and produce eggs, which are collected and shipped out much like any other farming system.” He tapped the fox on the shoulder. “And just have a look at the automation system!”

The bull pointed to a pipe that the fox hadn’t seen before. It was one among many others, all connected in some way to one of the nests. Every now and then, a hen would groan and squawk… and poof, out came a freshly-laid egg. The egg went down the pipe, into some kind of metal box, and then was transferred through a glass wall into a massive chamber. Said chamber was filled with all sorts of strange contraptions; a shower stall, an incubator, some sort of bar code scanner… so many gadgets and gizmos that went right over Frederick’s head.

“That’s… quite an amazing system, Farmer Sir.” Fredericksaid.

“Thanks, kid.” Buck twirled around the straw in his mouth. “But despite all the automation and other modern contraptions, there’s just one old mainstay that’s needed around here; a good and proper guard.”

“Right…” The fox nodded. “And I’m the one for the job?”

“That you are.” Buck grinned.

“But… I’m puny, even by the standards of anthros in our size scale.” Frederick nodded. “W-Wouldn’t you need a lot more guys my size to act as a proper security force? Or… maybe even get some MACRO guards?”

“OH, I don’t think so.” Said a sassy voice from three nests down.

Frederick and Buck quickly walked across the platform, and soon the fox beheld the hen who spoke… and she was the most amazing of all the hens on the rows. Her feathers were perfectly soft and clean; almost like she was made of clouds. She had nice, round features, and a figure like that of a goddess. She wore next to nothing as she was seated squat in the middle of her large nest, and she leaned against one wing-arm as she wracked her feathery fingers against the straw at her side.

“Well…” Buck grinned. “Good day to you too, Darlene.”

Darlene raised a feathery eyebrow as she gazed down at the fox, before glaring at the bull again. “Don’t tell me you hired this runt?”

“Oh, don’t be cruel before you’ve even met him, Darlene.” Buck scolded. “This poor kid was beating himself up out in the fields. How could I not offer him a chance to-“

“You’re just going to hire in this…” The hen gestured incredulously to the fox. “This… I mean, look at him! Do you not see what the problem is?!”

Buck looked Frederick over and shrugged. “He seems alright to me. Maybe a bit scrawny, but some good eating will do a world of good for-“

“Does this… kid have any credentials?” Darlene demanded.

“Well, none that I know of, but-“

“Does he have any work experience?” She continued. “Prior work as a guard? Because he doesn’t looked like a hardened guard to ME.”

“Uhh…” Frederick rubbed his upper arm. “I’m willing to learn.”

“Yeah, sure…” She scoffed, before glaring at Buck again. “Do you even know anything about him at all? And if so… How do you know he’s not LYING, hmm?” She flapped her wing-arms a bit. “He could be a con artist, for all you know!”

“Settle down, Darlene…” The bull waved a hand before himself. “Huffing and puffing will only stress yourself out.”

The hen sighed and took a few deep breaths before crossing her arms and pouting. “My point still stands; this feels like a VERY bad idea.”

“Just give Frederick here a chance, Darlene.” Buck insisted. “We’ve needed a new guardsman for a while now, and you know it. Let him prove that he’s got what it takes to guard the henhouse, at least for one night. And if he messes up, or causes a ruckus, or anything bad happens at ALL because of him, then you just report it to me first thing in the morning. Standard procedure, you know.”

“Hmph…” She pouted even harder. “Fine… But that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.”

“Well, you heard her, Frederick…” The bull turned to look down at the fox. “Darlene is skeptical of you. Getting any second thoughts about this job?”

The fox gulped. The hen was very pretty… but also more than a little scary, with the way she glared at him. He could feel fear cracking whips against his confidence; it tried to make him buckle under and run as fast as he could…

No. no, he couldn’t let that happen. Not when he was so close to getting his lousy life back on track…

“Mr. Buck… I’ve tried and failed to find work allover the place these last few days.” He said with a slight quiver of his lip. “I know I don’t look like much… but I could never forgive myself if I just walked away from the one slim chance I’ve been given to get things together.” He beat a hand against his chest. “I’ll do the best I can as a guard. No matter what happens, I won’t let anything break into the henhouse… or anyone to get hurt, for that matter.”

Buck lifted up his hat, and grinned from ear to ear. “Just what I wanted to hear, kid.”

He patted Frederick on the shoulder again, nearly knocking him over. Darlene just scoffed before getting comfortable to work on laying more eggs.

“Alright, kid, follow me into the house proper…” Buck said as he turned to walk back along the platform. “Let’s sit down and work on the living and pay arrangements…”

~~…~~

Buck had been kind enough to let Frederickshower, have a meal, and even explain a bit more details about his background; all the legal stuff that the fox had come to expect during interviews. They agreed on how the wages would work, then sat down for a hearty meal before Frederick was shown to the spare bedroom he could use; not very big for some, but just perfect for a fox like him. But then came the real test; seeing if he could survive on guard duty for the night. Frederickwas shown to his post just before the walking platform into the massive coop. He was even given some protective gear; a flashlight, a helmet, a thick vest… and a baton. (Buck wasn’t quite willing to trust Frederick with a gun or a knife. And honestly the fox didn’t blame him.)

“Remember, kid.” Buck said. “Keep the hens safe, no matter what.”

“Yes, Boss Sir.” Frederick gave a salute. “I’ll do my best.”

Sundown came and went, then a couple more hours.

Nothing had happened… and honestly that was a good thing. Something bad happening on his very first night would have been, well… NOT GOOD. Sure, it was kind of boring… and more than a little frightening out in the darkness… but luckily there were more than a few lights set up to defend the perimeter of the chicken coop. All Frederick had to do was pace back and forth, baton in hand and heart beating in his chest.

Nothing… Still nothing… well, maybe some crickets were chirping nearby. Maybe there was an owl in an old tree across the acres? All in all… it was a simple, quiet night. Frederick took a few sighs of relief. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad; maybe that Darlene was completely in the wrong not to trust him with this job. Surely there was nothing for her, Frederick, or any of the hens to worry about…

Suddenly, Frederick heard a rattling coming from behind him. The fox gasped and whirled around… only to realize that it was the sound of a knob turning on the macro-sized door. It rattled and groaned before being pushed open, forcing the fox to take quite a few steps back to avoid being smacked. He then looked up curiously to see a pair of eyes gleaming down at him.

“Uh… G-Good evening, ma’am?” The fox gestured nervously to her. “G-Going out for a late night stroll?”

The eyes glared at Frederick, before a hen stepped out of the shadows of the coop interior; it was Darlene. Standing at her full height, with her plump and thick form, reminded Frederick of just how puny he was compared to her. His knees buckled, though he tried to keep up a militant stance as he saluted her.

“Nothing’s going to get by me, Miss Darlene.” He declared before turning around to face out at the wilderness. His eyes darted left and right, and he swung his baton in his hands. “If anyone tries anything funny, I’ll… I’ll give them what’s coming to them!”

“Oh, really.” She said sarcastically.

“Yes… Really.” He gulped and did his best to look intimidating toward anyone who might be trying to sneak in. “So, just… go about whatever it was you wanted to do. Everything’s fine.”

“Hmm…” The hen chuckled a bit. “Whatever… it was… I wanted… to DO.”

For some reason, Frederick felt like a shadow was looming over him. Something like a raindrop fell from the sky and landed on his head. The fox grimaced and wiped it off… it felt a bit too sticky for water. He curiously looked up… and saw the hen looming behind him. She gazed right at him, with hungry eyes and a tongue licking at her beak.

“Uhh…” His ears drooped. “Wh-What are you…?”

Her head moved faster than he could blink; the next thing he knew, his head was engulfed in darkness. Hot breath blew against his face as his body was hoisted into the air. Big thick feather-fingers gripped his form as he was held completely upside-down, and his head slid down into warm darkness.

Gulp-gulp-gulp.

Frederick gasped and groaned as he was sent down into a thick throat. The fleshy walls pushed against him ravenously, ensuring he had no chance of escape.

Almost as soon as it began, Frederickfound himself shoved into a new chamber; a much larger, rounder organ; the stomach of the hen.

Frederick couldn’t believe it… he’d been EATEN. He always dreaded this day would come; that some macro would come along and finally make a meal out of him. But for it to turn out to be a hen? He smacked his face and groaned; he was a fox eaten by his own natural prey. Never had he felt so humiliated in all his life.

“Got you now, you little CREEP.” Darlene’s voice echoed triumphantly all around him.

All Frederick could do was sigh. He felt around at his tools; he’d dropped his baton in the commotion, but found that he still had his flashlight, among other things. He picked it up, flicked it on, and had a gander at the rumbling, gurgling chamber. The walls shifted and groaned, and the liquid had a hazy mist hovering about it. The smell of birdseed was detectable, but thankfully not overwhelming.

“Now you’re nice and tucked away, where you won’t cause any harm!” The hen declared as she swayed from side to side in some kind of dance. “What do you have to say to THAT, fox?!”

“This was a setup, wasn’t it?” Frederickasked dejectedly.

“Wh-what?” The hen stopped dancing. “Setup?”

“I should have known better than to get my hopes up…” Fredericksighed. “…that some kind stranger would finally give me a sliver of a chance. Buck was looking to find some poor homeless SAP to feed to you, wasn’t he? It was all a cruel scam.”

“Hey, don’t you insult Farmer Brown like that!” The hen snapped. “He’s a good, honest bull! In fact, too honest at times! YOU’RE the one running a scam!”

Frederick just sighed and shook his head, before curling up into a ball and slumping over in the pool of liquid.

“It’s because I’m a fox, isn’t it?” He asked wearily. “You think I had some evil plan when I took this job… because I’m a FOX.”

The hen didn’t reply, but he had a feeling she was nodding in affirmation… because of course she would…

“Well… I didn’t have any plans other than; don’t screw this up.” He said. “I’m not capable of schemes or plans.”

“And why should I believe that?”

“I’m a moron.” He said sadly. “A dumb, ugly, stupid moron who can’t do anything right. I’m not even well-fed enough to serve as a decent meal to you; just skin and bones. Nobody will ever know you ate me.”

The hen was silent for a while; it felt like she was rubbing the outside of her stomach. The fox just shut his eyes and cried a little.

“Please… just make it quick.” He begged. “Don’t drag it out… let me have some kind of peace…”

The walls suddenly began to shift and wriggle. He could feel them contracting around his body to lock him in place. Frederickwondered if this was some kind of means by which the hen would speed up his painful, excruciating digestion…

But instead, the fox felt himself being pushed UPWARD. Just as fast as he’d gone down, Frederick found himself rising up through the hen’s throat. A moment later, her beak opened wide, and he was spat out onto the dirt a short distance from her feet. The fox looked around stunned, while Darlene coughed and wiped her beak down.

“Alright, fine…” She groaned and put her hands at her wide hips. “So you were being an honest guy all along. But that doesn’t mean I like you.”

“Erm…” He stood up and wiped himself down. “Th-thank you for letting me go?”

“Oh, don’t give me that…” Darlene rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t be able to lie to Farmer Brown about where you’d gone off to, anyway. He’s a good, honest bull, and if he wanted to give you a chance at bettering yourself… then I guess he sees something in you that I don’t.”

Frederick sighed and rubbed his upper arm. He then looked all around the exterior of the coop and scanned over the grass. He looked around at the ground, spotted his baton, and carefully reached down to pick it up.

“And just what do you think you’re going to do with THAT?” Darlene demanded.

The fox took a deep breath and faced away from her, before smacking the baton in his palm. “My job.”

He then resumed pacing back and forth, doing his best to step out of the way of the macro hen. The fox was more than a little mad… but he wouldn’t let that get the better of him.

“You know what? Sure, whatever.” Darlene sighed. “I’m going back inside. But you better not let the farmer down, fox. I’m warning you…”

She then slammed the door and walked away, leaving him all alone. Frederick took a sigh of relief… it was all he could do to keep from turning red as a tomato.

Oh, even after being nearly digested, even after she continued to doubt him… Frederick couldn’t get over what a gorgeous hen that Darlene was. Her body was like a temple; grandiose and pure. Definitely something worth protecting from the forces of… well, whatever force would try their hands at attacking a bunch of macro-sized hens.

Despite what a pain she is… I still kinda like her, Frederick decided. He took a breath, repositioned his baton, and continued pacing back and forth.

He wouldn’t let Farmer Buck Brown down… or Darlene… and especially not HIMSELF. He finally got that first step, and he was sure the next would follow soon. He just had to do his job… and prove to the world there was a good, honest fox in him…

And maybe in Darlene, too.