Force of Nature P128

I'm back.

The free weekend felt really good, but it feels great to be drawing the comic again.

About the sketch of page 129:

Also, I’m really doing Fryx a disservice by cutting the page off there, but please stand by, guys. I swear he’s being nice… as nice as he can be.

My sticker manufacturer was a bit slower than usual last month (probably a lot of orders in October because of Halloween, I’m guessing), so I only got them last Saturday. I’ll make an official post, of course, but just for anyone wondering—they’re going out today.

_Long text not to important_

Something else about the next page as well. I’m not sure if everyone feels like this sometimes, but I often feel like my parents’ relationship was “a wrong thing.” They didn’t really like each other for a long time, and looking back, it seems my father may have had ulterior motives for marrying my mother other than love. He’s an immigrant, and marrying her was, I guess, the easiest way to immigrate.

I know my father, but I cut ties even before I started second grade because I wasn’t comfortable around him. They were already divorced by the time I started school. I don’t have any love or longing for him. I do long for a good father, yes, but not him specifically. So I feel like I was destined to be a “broken” child. Neither my mother nor my father should have had a child, I feel. But I’m still here, so sometimes I feel like I’m the bad outcome of a situation I couldn’t control.

I wanted to reflect something similar with Nix. I didn’t want to go the cliché route of her feeling like she killed her mother by being born. She knows she couldn’t have done anything about that, but she still feels like she should have never existed—and that the world would be so much better without her.

I’m sorry if I’m being way too vulnerable here, feel free to ignore my rambling, it’s all good. And please don’t feel sorry for me or anything like that. I’m not over it, but I’m very good at living with it. It’s who I am, and I’m not my parents—I’m someone entirely new, with no obligation to do right or wrong things, yet I’ve still found a path. A path on which I will always try to do good. I will always try to bring joy and warmth, and I guess entertain. Because I’m aware we all have problems and trauma, and I so wish to maybe ease the load for the people I love, even just a bit, when I make them laugh or listen to them.

Okay, I went a bit far there… but maybe it will still help someone reading it. I love you guys. I really, really do. You help me find worth in my own life, in being alive.