Harry Potter and the Monster Books Part 5

Titania looked up from ringing up Clark and Kara's purchases when the bell over the door rang. 'So much for taking an early lunch,' she complained as an attractive and rather busty redhead in her twenties walked into the shop wearing a green silk evening gown that left very little to the imagination. "Welcome to the Tourist Trap, how can I help you?"

"I'm just here to pick up my friends," Gizpy replied with a grin.

"Gizpy!" Kara exclaimed cheerfully as she blurred over and pulled her friend into a hug, happy to see her again.

"Hey," Gizpy replied with a grin, happy to see her friend.

"I thought you were going to be stuck in your tower for a bit?" Kara asked as she let go of her friend.

"Mixy kidnapped me for a night on the town," Gizpy replied cheerfully as she spun around, causing the bottom of her dress to flare out.

Clark glanced around. "Where's Mxyzptlk?"

"He's parking the," she paused slightly when everyone heard the crunching of metal and glass from outside, "car."

"Right," Clark muttered when he used his X-Ray vision to look through the wall of the shop and saw Mxyzptlk behind the wheel of a garishly orange and purple monster truck that had just crushed the Ford Model T parked in front of the shop.

"That doesn't sound good," Hermione said as she rushed over to the window to check. "What the hell?!" she sputtered when she saw a silver haired man wearing a dark purple suit jump out of the monster truck.

"Mixy wanted to have some fun and the world is just a reflection so I figured it was a good chance to get it out of his system," Gizpy replied with a shrug. 

"At least no one was hurt," Clark muttered, trying to stay calm about the entire situation since Mxyzptlk enjoyed messing with people. "How did his talk with Maxwell go?"

"Cathartic," Mxyzptlk replied as he walked into the shop. "It's amazing how much better you feel after breaking an asshole's kneecaps with a baseball bat."

"Is he still alive?" Clark asked, not sure how to feel about Mxyzptlk's actions since Maxwell had made a recent attempt at killing Kara in her apartment with a Kryptonite infused bomb.

"For another three months, seven days and fifty seven seconds," Mixy replied with a shrug. "I dropped him in another universe where he's not going to be your problem anymore."

"What kills him?" Kara asked, relieved that she wouldn't have to worry about a second attempt. 

"Brake failure," Mixy replied with a grin. "He steals a piece of shit car with bad steering and goes off a cliff when the brakes fail."

"How much paperwork are you going to have to do?" Gizpy asked her boyfriend.

"None," Mixy replied smugly. "He asked to be teleported and I healed his legs which means I'm in the clear."

"Why would he ask to be teleported?" Kara asked, figuring there was more to the story.

"I might have teleported him to an abandoned lab and implied that one of Kara's friends was going to torture him to death if he stayed and that she was almost there."

"And he believed you?" Hermione asked.

"She's a Luthor," Mixy replied with a shrug. "On that note, we should go, the show is going to start soon."

Clark pulled a card out of his pocket and handed it to Hermione. "If you ever end up in my neck of the woods, give me a call."

"Sure," Hermione replied as she absently took the card, fairly sure she'd never run into them again.

"What about the car?" Titania asked, figuring the police would be less of a problem if the car was gone when they showed up.

"Right, I almost forgot," Mixy replied as he pulled the keys to the monster truck out of his pocket and tossed them to Harry. "It's got a full tank and it's enchanted with a S.E.P. Field, have some fun and run over some Death Eaters."

"Death…" Harry trailed off as the silver haired man snapped his fingers and he vanished along with Kara, Clark, Gizpy and all of the stuff they'd purchased.

"Weird…" Hermione trailed off when she looked at the card. "Clark Kent, Daily Planet? Luthor? Was that Superman?!"

"It would certainly explain why he wanted a Garment Grid," Titania replied as she walked over to the door and locked it. She flipped over the 'Out to Lunch' sign then gently started directing her new friends toward the backroom as they tried to wrap their minds around meeting a couple of comic book characters. 'No more distractions, this is my best chance to escape the shop.'

0o0o0

Sirius pulled his wand out of his sleeve when Severus stumbled out of the fireplace covered in blood and bits of bone fragments. "What happened?"

"Voldemort started screaming and ranting in the middle of the meeting, something about being burned alive. One of the new recruits wasn't fast enough," Severus explained as he walked over to the table and flopped down in one of the chairs, not seeing a point in admitting that he'd used him as a human shield.

"Wasn't fast enough?" Molly asked.

"Voldemort told us to get out then started tossing out blasting charms like they were candy in between screaming fits," Severus explained. "Someone should check on Potter."

Sirius glanced at Albus and Moody then headed toward the door. "I'll take care of it."

"Thank you," Albus told Sirius then turned and looked at Severus. "What exactly did he say?"

"I don't know," Severus admitted. "He was pretty incoherent and I was already running for the exit when he snapped and started tossing curses like water. It was something about being on fire and how we needed to kill the boy. I was hoping I could use your pensieve."

"Be my guest," Albus replied as he gestured toward the pensieve on the table that he'd brought to get a copy of Harry's memory.

0o0o0

"I'm sorry," Hermione offered as she helped Titania pack the clothes in her dresser.

"It's fine," Titania assured her as she worked on packing up her computer equipment.

"It's not, you're stuck with us," Hermione argued.

"And you're stuck with me," Titania replied cheerfully.

"It's not right," Hermione argued. "Can we bind you to a bracelet or something you can wear?"

"I'm not a genie," Titania complained. "I don't want to get stuck in a lamp or bound to something that someone can just pick up." She turned to look at Harry as he walked into the bedroom. "Can you talk some sense into her?"

Harry glanced between Hermione and Titania, finding the resemblance even more striking since Hermione's hair had lost its usual frizzy-ness. "Sorry, she spent most of the last school year trying to free house elves, you'll just have to be blunt."

"They shouldn't be slaves," Hermione argued.

"I'm not going to argue about the morality of binding house elves, I haven't had a chance to look at their bounds or talk to them but I'm not a house elf," Titania stated firmly. "Just because I need a master to stay in the mortal realm doesn't mean I'm a slave. It's an exchange, I get extra magic and a place to stay and you get a naughty servant that is totally willing to rock your world. But let's be honest, the naughty part is because of my nature, not because I'm a familiar. I've known plenty of familiars that don't actually have sex with their masters."

"But you're forced to take orders," Hermione complained.

"I trust you," Titania assured her. "Besides, I'm only required to follow the letter of commands and there is more than enough wiggle room to hang people if I don't like them and they're stupid."

"We can argue about this later," Harry told Hermione. "We need to finish getting everything packed up so we can get out of here, everyone is probably going to freak out when they can't find us."

Hermione sighed as she realized Harry had a good point. "We're going to get in so much trouble."

"Worth it," Harry offered with a grin, not particularly worried about the adults since Sirius would understand.

Titania snickered as she finished packing up her computer. "Okay, I've got everything I care about and Hermione packed the magic books and the enchanting supplies, let's blow this joint before something goes wrong."

"What about your dresser?" Harry asked.

"It's part of the shop and it's cheap," Titania replied as she picked up the box that she'd stuffed everything into and headed for the main part of the shop where the exit portal had appeared.

"Let's go," Harry agreed.

0o0o0

"Is anyone alive?" Sirius asked as he opened the door to Harry's bedroom, having already knocked and waited a few seconds for a response. He glanced at the rather large collection of boxes and clothes scattered around the room that hadn't been there twenty minutes ago. "They must have jumped into one of the books…" he trailed off as Harry and two Hermiones flew out of the book and grew to their normal size. He glanced between Harry and Hermione then focused on the purple haired girl that could be Hermione's twin. "Did you kidnap Tonks?"

"No, this is Titania," Harry offered as he walked over and dropped the bag filled with clothes on the bed.

"I just happen to look like Hermione," Titania replied with a grin as she glanced between the two floating portals, curious where they went.

"Evil twin?" Sirius asked thoughtfully.

Hermione shook her head. "We're not technically related."

"I don't know, I'd make a pretty good evil sister," Titania teased.

"How long were we gone?" Harry asked, trying to get an idea of how much trouble they were in.

"Maybe fifteen or twenty minutes? The meeting wasn't that long, why?" Sirius asked.

"It felt longer," Harry admitted, knowing that he'd spent a couple of hours in the pocket dimension between trying on clothes, talking to Clark and Kara, having sex with Hermione and Titania and packing everything they were stealing from the shop.

"What type of monster did you have to fight?" Sirius asked excitedly, figuring it was fine since they hadn't gotten injured.

"Human greed," Hermione complained.

"We completed the clause on Titania's employee contract so that she could escape the shop, tried on a bunch of clothes and met a couple of aliens then looted the shop and left."

Sirius glanced between the three teenagers, noticing the fact that Harry and Hermione's ears were turning red and that their hair was wet like they'd recently taken a shower. "As a vaguely responsible adult, I should probably ask for more details. Especially since Voldemort went crazy about ten minutes ago and nearly killed Snape."

"What happened?" Harry asked, not sure how to feel about Snape surviving.

"He started screaming about being burned alive then started tossing curses at his minions like they were party favors, did your scar hurt?" Sirius asked.

"No…" Harry trailed off as he realized that he couldn't feel his scar at all which was different from the rest of the summer. "It doesn't hurt at all. Maybe jumping into the book broke it, it's been bothering me all summer and then it stopped."

"Maybe," Sirius admitted. "Did you pick up any strange magical items?"

Harry considered the question for a couple of seconds then shook his head. "Not really, just a couple of spells and we learned how to make a garment grid which we can use to swap clothes which should make changing to our alternate forms easier."

"Your alternate form might have caused your scar to go quiet since you don't have it in your girl form," Hermione mused.

"Alternate forms?" Sirius asked.

Harry focused and changed into his alternate form, complete with the crimson silk dress that Hermione had picked out. He took his cowboy hat off and tossed it on the bed then started working on taking the chaps off.

"Why are you wearing chaps over your dress?" Sirius asked, trying not to laugh at the insanity of Harry having an alternate form.

"The transformation comes with a cowboy hat and chaps, I only have the dress because of the garment grid." Harry tossed the chaps on the bed.

"I'm surprised that you don't look a bit more like Lily to be honest," Sirius admitted.

"It's strange, Harry and I both look the same and the rest of the people we've used it on don't look like us," Hermione offered.

"Who did you use it on?" Sirius asked.

"Clark Kent and Kara," Hermione offered.

"The aliens in the shop," Harry offered.

"Aliens…" Sirius trailed off as the pieces fit together. "You met a version of Superman in the shop?" he asked, wondering if they were playing some type of prank.

"Apparently, I didn't notice until after he left because he introduced himself as Clark and he didn't look like Mr. Reeves." Hermione pulled the card out of her pocket and handed it to him. "I'm going to want that back, I'm saving it."

"Clark Kent, Daily Planet," Sirius mused then handed it back. "That makes the books even more interesting."

"Do you want an alternate form?" Harry asked.

"What's the catch?" Sirius asked Hermione.

"Just the lack of proper clothes when you change into your alternate form," Hermione replied as she stuck the card back in her pocket.

"What about your clothes you're wearing in your normal form?" Sirius asked.

"They reappear," Hermione assured him.

"What do I have to do?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing." Harry cast the Bestow Sexy Cowgirl Form on Sirius, giving him the ability to transform into a girl. "You should have a mental switch in your head, don't flip it until you get to a bathroom or I've had a chance to leave, I don't need to see you like that."

"Fair enough," Sirius agreed. "Speaking of leaving, you should head down to the kitchen, Dumbledore brought the pensieve which means you can show him the memory of the dementor attack. If this works, we're going out to dinner to celebrate."

"Do you want me to fill him in on the slime plan?" Hermione asked.

"Sounds good," Harry agreed as he left the bedroom. He changed back once he was in the hallway as he didn't want to give Mad-Eye a reason to stun him.

"Slime plan?" Sirius and Titania asked at the same time.

"One of the spells we picked up lets us conjure temporary slimes that eat dark magic, grime and clothes. If we conjure them at the top of the house, they'd probably eat everything nasty by the time we're back from the movies," Hermione suggested.

"Ooh," Sirius replied with a devilish grin, wondering how much of the house would be left when they were done. "Sounds like a fantastic idea." He flipped the mental switch, changing into a mostly naked and busty red haired teenager. "Do I look like anyone you know?"

"No, you look like a model with red hair but you don't look familiar and you don't look like the rest of the people we used the spell on," Hermione offered. "You also look like a sixth or seventh year student."

"Excellent! What do you have that will fit me?" Sirius asked as he worked on getting the chaps off, eager to get dressed and get out of the house, even if he had to dress up like a girl to do it.

"Lots, we grabbed everything the shop had," Titania offered, considering the stolen merchandise backpay.

"Any particular reason?" Sirius asked.

"I got locked into an annoying magical contract to run the shop," Titania complained as she walked over to one of the bags and started looking through it for something that would look good.

0o0o0 

Harry glanced over at where Snape was sitting at the table with an ice pack on his wrist where his dark mark was, trying to numb it the muggle way since it had started burning like acid when Harry walked into the room and it was resistant to various magical remedies. "Have you considered just burning the scar off?"

"It doesn't work," Severus snapped, causing Moody to glare at him. "It would just move."

Harry glanced over at Dumbledore who was still looking at the pensieve then focused on Snape's dark mark, causing it to burn a bit more intently. "Sounds like you need a way to move the curse to something you can bin."

"You could always cut your arm off," Moody suggested helpfully.

"Moody," Molly warned him. "That's not helpful."

"It wouldn't help, the spell would just jump once my arm died," Severus explained.

"Would it jump dimensions?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Severus admitted. "There aren't a lot of safe options."

Albus pulled his head away from the pensieve and looked at the group. "I believe I've figured out what the stranger was trying to tell Harry."

"Is there anything we can help with?" Molly asked Albus.

"Can you ask Bill to come down here?" Albus asked, wanting Molly out of the room so that he could tell Harry what he'd learned from Snape's memory. "I could use his expertise with a curse."

"Of course," Molly told him then left, giving Harry a pat on the shoulder on her way out.

Mad-Eye waited until Molly left then asked, "What did you find?"

"The stranger warned Harry about a cursed item, something that should weaken Tom if we can destroy it," Albus explained, fairly sure the warning had been for him.

"What was Voldemort ranting about?" Harry asked.

"He was ranting about being set on fire and he wanted you dead because he thought you were responsible. Is there something you want to share?" Albus asked.

"Not really, I stepped into a Monster Book and rescued a girl that looks like Hermione, that might have disrupted the connection," Harry offered, not sure what else it could be.

"It's certainly possible," Albus mused, fairly sure that wouldn't be enough to cause that level of pain and insanity.

"Can I use your book?" Snape asked, hating that he had to ask since he'd been a complete bastard to Harry over the years but knowing that he was at the end of the line for his time as a spy and that he wouldn't be able to help protect him if he was dead. "I know I don't have any right to ask but it might be enough to break the connection."

"You should give him a book," Sirius offered as he stepped into the kitchen, having been listening to the last couple of minutes of the conversation.

Harry turned to look at Sirius. "Seriously?" he asked, thinking about all of the times that Snape had stolen points and harassed them over the years.

"He kept Remus' secret for years, he didn't have to, especially since I nearly got him killed back in our fifth year because I didn't think he had the stones to explore the tunnel to the shack and I was running my mouth like an idiot. I'm not saying he didn't deserve half the shit we tossed his way but he didn't deserve getting fed to a werewolf. If nothing else, look at it as an excuse to ruin Voldemort's day," Sirius suggested.

Harry sighed and conjured another monster book and slid it over to Snape. "I owe him for trying to keep Quirrel from killing me during the match in first year and humiliating Lockhart with the dueling club."

"Bloody idiot," Snape muttered, thinking about Lockhart. "How does the book work?"

"The first person that opens it, sets the book. It's based on your dreams and fears and the people that you know. In order to take people with you, you'll have to defeat the monsters or solve the puzzles. Make sure you loot everything before you leave because once you leave the magic fades for that page and you can't go back."

"Thank you," Severus told him.

Harry nodded, then turned and headed out of the room with a smile on his face, fairly sure Snape wouldn't be able to teach at Hogwarts if he removed his dark mark which made the whole thing worth it.

0o0o0