Chapter 25: Respite

I coughed. “What do you mean?” 

How the fuck did she know? Sera was supposed to be hidden, right? She never explicitly said that was the case, I just assumed. 

This can’t be happening.

My throat dried up like a grape left in the sun. Then it hit me. Maybe my nervousness was her doing. She could have forced it on me to shake me up. Would she do that to an ally? Did she really trust me so little? 

“You know what I mean,” she said and popped a dried piece of fruit into her mouth. 

I scratched my ear, trying to act unmoved. “I’m afraid I really don’t.” 

She looked me up and down with that studious gaze of hers. “There’s no need to hide it. Your emotions… They’re not at all like the others.” 

I gulped. 

“It’s like you have clashing personalities inside. Not even people in psych wards give off the same feeling as you. The only reasonable conclusion is that there’s something inside. A blessing, maybe?” 

I chuckled. “Spend a lot of time in psych wards, do you?” 

She looked me dead in the eyes. “Yes, I do, actually.” 

There was no humorous gleam in her eyes. She was serious.

I averted my eyes from hers, mulling over my options while pulling at my collar. I could always just… pocket sand and run away? But that would leave me with no direction, no allies, all alone in a city of horrors. No, that wouldn’t do. Convincing her was the only option.  

She groaned. “So, are you gonna tell me, or are you going to keep lying? I can tell, cause I can tell, and it just makes you look worse.” 

I clicked my tongue. “Why should I tell you? I don’t know you, and you using that fucking blessing of yours to pry my head open sure doesn’t make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Just the thought it sends shivers down my spine. It’s a real fucking breach of privacy is what it is.” 

She stared at me for a beat, then burst out laughing, drying tears from her eyes. “I suppose it is. I’ve become a real peeping Tammy, haven’t I?”

It wasn’t that funny. 

She calmed herself with a sigh and stared at the door. We used a large cupboard to jam the door closed. At the very least, it would slow unwelcome visitors down. And if the himbo woke up, he wouldn’t be able to just burst outside like a hurricane. 

Samara looked at me. “I think you understand my side. There will be no privacy when mine and my friends' lives are at stake. You may be chummy with Yusuf, but I still don’t trust you. For very good reason.” 

I chortled and spoke sharply, “I get that. Trust is earned. And that goes both ways.” I bit off the word with furrowed brows.

I wasn’t very good at the whole speak-without-speaking-the-whole-truth thing she had going on. But with my whole Sera infested condition, I would have to get used to it quickly or suffer the consequences. 

She leaned toward me and rested her chin on her hands. “You’re an odd one, you know. Most would jump at the chance to curry favour with a Solburne, yet here you are, burning bridges before they’re even built.”

“I suppose I’m not very big on the whole ‘submit to the sound of my name’ thing that your family has going on.” 

Samara chuckled. “Maybe that’s why I like you.” 

I coughed. “You like me?”  

“As a person. I like that you’re not a total suck-up like the others. It’s nice.” She smiled. Not deviously like before, genuinely. “I still don’t trust you, though.” 

I groaned. “Whatever. I’m gonna take a nap.” 

I got up and looked around. Our little refuge for the night was… quaint. Homey. It wasn’t a mansion or a grand building like the library. But it wasn’t small in any way. It had two stories and rooms that lined every wall. Mostly bedrooms. Every room bore the scars of use. It must have been a dorm or something. 

I chose a room at random, with the only prerequisite being that it had a good view of the entrance. Getting caught with my beard in the mailbox wasn’t on my to-do list. I opened the door and squealed, “Fuck no!” I fell back out with a crash. Samara scrambled to her feet. 

“What’s wrong?!” she shouted with a thin blade in her hand. I hadn’t seen it before. Good to know she’s armed. 

“N-nothing,” I whispered.  

She glanced inside the room, then looked back at me in disbelief. 

“I-” 

She burst out laughing, bending at the waist and grabbing her stomach. “You’re afraid of dolls?!” 

“It’s a perfectly reasonable fear! They’re freaky as hell with their beady eyes and that… shiny fucking hair!” 

Down the hall, Yusuf peeked out from his room. “What’s with the noise?” His voice was deep and raspy from sleep. 

Before Samara could say something, I bound to my feet and clamped my hand down over her mouth. “It’s nothing! Go back to sleep.” 

Her breath made the palm of my hand moist. She squirmed to get loose, but she was surprisingly weak. 

Yusuf mumbled, “Waking up a dying man to nothing…” and closed the door again. 

Samara squirmed loose with an elbow to my solar plexus and wheezed, “Unhand me, you brute!”

“Shit! Why?!” I coughed and massaged my ribs.

“That’ll teach you not to be so rough with a highborn lady!” the residual wrinkles of a smile still hung on her face. “Is it so embarrassing to be scared of dolls that you’d attack me to not let Yusuf know?” 

“I-I… No, I just didn’t want to bother him. The guy is sick, you know.” 

She grinned. “Whatever you say. You’re lucky Nea didn’t see the assault or you’d be in a world of pain.”  

I groaned and waved her off, walking to the other side of the hall. No way was I going to chance stumbling upon another evil horde of dolls. 

I steeled myself with a breath, hand resting on the circular handle. It turned with a click. I exhaled. “Thank fuck.” No dolls inside. The room had been packed in a hurry, just like the rest. Some of the previous owners things remained. There was a small trunk by the foot of the bed, left slightly ajar, and a desk with a child size chair next to the window. 

I sighed and sat down on the bed. It creaked mournfully under my weight. So many died. Yet here I sat, alive, on the most comfortable bed since waking up in the cell weeks ago.

None of them deserved what they got, except for maybe James and the other traitors who died. Fucking lowlife traitors. If I ever catch them back on earth I’ll make sure they pay… 

I summoned Silent Scream and greeted Sera with a nod while pressing a finger to my lips. With a glance, I confirmed that the door was shut. Light leaked in through the bottom gap, no one was eavesdropping on the other side. Not that Samara would need to eavesdrop when she could read emotions. 

“Rough day?” Sera asked with a whisper. 

I laid down on the bed. “That’s the understatement of a century…” 

“People die. It’s inevitable. Especially so here. Not even the divine is safe.” 

I closed my eyes. If that really was the case, that even gods die here, then what could someone of so little consequence as I do? 

“I just wish it could have been someone other than Anna.” Her having kids was jarring to me. I knew what losing a mother meant. It wasn’t anything pretty or good. 

“So what? Because she had children? The angry girl watched her sister die,” she snorted. “Even the corrupted wretches have people who care about them. None of it matters. Death is death. Only those who continue to struggle feel the pain of loss. There is no need to feel sorry for them.” 

“Still…” 

Her stern eyes bore into me. “I am sure Anna does not mind at all anymore. And neither should you. Grow up.” 

“So no life matters?” 

“Only ours.”

I scoffed. “Narcissistic much?” 

“Realistic. This is a land of eternal strife, and we have things to do, people to kill. More of your friends will die, more than you will be able to count. You will learn to cope with time. Whether you like it or not.”

I let her words settle. I didn’t want to get used to seeing my friends die. Things were already shitty enough as they were. 

I sighed. “Alright, let’s drop it. How come Samara can see I’ve got something inside me? I thought you were hidden…” 

Sera looked away, biting her lip. “She can and cannot.” 

I groaned and laid down on the bed. “Can you explain for once?”

“I can.”

“Will you?”

“Do I have to?”

This damn woman was going to be the end of me. “Why can and can’t she feel your emotions?” 

Her gaze hardened as she cursed something under her breath. “The Outsider’s touch… it’s not corrupting you to become one of them.” 

“Then what’s it doing.” 

“It is making you, us.”

What

She clicked her tongue. “Originally I had prepared countermeasures to prevent it from happening, countermeasures that he tore down. The damn wretch of a jester.” 

She glared into empty space, eyes blazing with anger. “The empath is not feeling my emotions. She is feeling the conflict as you become we. I am bleeding into you.” 

I rubbed my eyes. “So let me get this straight. I’m slowly turning into you?” 

“No. You never listen. You are turning into us.” 

I snapped and shot up from the bed, “What’s the fucking difference, Sera? Either way I won’t be me!” I knew from the moment the words left my lips that I was being too loud. She was staying calm and quiet, while I lost my temper. I should have felt bad about it, about snapping at her, but I didn’t. It might have well been her emotions that provoked me into anger. 

Outside, steps shuffled over the wooden floor. Samara was coming. 

“Stop acting out. To you it will feel natural. I am more worried about me…” she glanced off to the window and the planks that had been used to board it up. A sloppy piece of work that left nails hanging left and right, but it did the job. 

“Why?” I demanded with a barely audible whisper. 

“You just never know when to stop asking these cursed questions, do you? I do not know what will remain of me after we fuse. You are still you, you have your body, and hegemony over emotions, over everything, as according to the contract. Me? I have nothing but this fecking reflection.” 

We fell silent. I hadn’t thought about her side. Being stuck for millennia only to risk losing yourself after finally tasting freedom again sounded dreadful. 

The light leaking through the gap beneath the door flickered. 

“What?” I asked loudly. 

Samara coughed from the other side. “Oh… Nothing. I just thought I heard something. Just came to check if there were any evil dolls or anything that you needed my help with.” 

“It was nothing… Just a nightmare,” I added in a whisper and buried my face in my hands.

“Alright...” she said, but didn’t move. 

“… You can go and keep watch again.”

She cleared her throat, “Yes. Right. Of course. Call me if you need anything.” 

I chuckled. That wasn’t very like her. A highborn lady would never offer her assistance in such a way. I knew that for a fact, my distant family was filled with them, after all. 

I nodded at Sera; she nodded back in understanding. We both wanted to be alone. As alone as we could be when sharing a body. I unsummoned Silent Scream and laid down on the bed. I didn’t know what else to say. There were just too many things happening at once. I needed time to think, to sort myself out. 

There had to be a solution to this whole debacle. If not here, then maybe at one of the anchor points. 

I glanced at the crimson runes. 

Name: Caleb Kane

Race: Human (93%) ??? (7%) 

Title: One of reviled flesh, Outsider’s mark

Blessing: W??ver

Acclaim: Whisper 

Accolades: Silent Scream, Battle-worn thimbles, Cherished blasting wand

Whatever was happening, it was progressing fast. What and who would I be when it finally settled? Would I still be me? Would I still be scared of dolls? Would I still like the quietude of the woods? 

Time would tell. For now, it was time to rest. 

…