Everyone's a Catgirl! Bonus Quest: The Magni Show

Thank you, Jack, for commissioning this piece!

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Magni awoke to the distant sound of laughter.

He groaned as he sat up, still feeling the pain of magic reverberating through his chest. His armor, however, had vanished, replaced with a white, rudimentary tunic, and trousers that were far too large for his legs.

“Goodness, I’d heard dragons sleep for days in stories, but you put them to shame!” a feminine voice cried to his left.

Another peal of laughter sounded, and he shook his head until the haze cleared from his thoughts. He sat in a cushioned bed, dark blue blankets swirling around his hips. The décor was sparse otherwise—a short wooden table beside the bed holding what appeared to be some kind of lamp. A chest of drawers made of the same light brown pressed up against the far, eggshell colored wall. There were no hangings to speak of; no trophies of war, artwork, elaborate light fixtures.

The old woman at the door had silver hair pulled back into a loose bun at the nape of her neck. She peered out from thick spectacles resting on very human ears. Her cracked lips curled into a frown, and she balled her hands into fists before resting them on her hips. “What’s wrong, Mr. Magni? Hero got your tongue?”

More laughing. However, it wasn’t just a single voice; it was a chorus of men, women, and children cackling as if a court jester were endlessly entertaining them.

Magni leapt from the bed and began searching for the source of the voices. They sounded so close, and yet, there was no place for a dozen people to hide in such a small room. Still, he checked the drawers in the chest and the crack beneath the bed. He tore open an unoccupied door next to the silver-haired woman, only to find more uninspired clothing hanging from two white rods running perpendicular to the door.

Where is it coming from?

The old woman laid a hand on his forearm. He tore it away and took a step back. No woman on Ichi would have dared touch him uninvited.

My second death… The realization settled on his chest as comfortably as the blow that had killed him. In what new hell had he spawned? Was this a final blow secured by Cailu?

“I cooked you such a nice breakfast, and you’re gonna let it go cold. Tsk, tsk.” She ignored his reaction and approached him again, snatching his hand and pulling him forward. “You don’t want to disappoint your granny, dragon or not.”

This comment somehow earned a low chuckle from the invisible choir.

Magni tried to yank his hand away, yet somehow, the witch pulled him out of the room and into a narrow hallway with an iron grip and otherworldly strength. The first pricks of panic dotted the back of his neck. He pulled back his free arm and stepped forward to swing. It didn’t matter this woman’s age or that she was nearly two heads shorter than he—any sorceress who could overwhelm him was a threat.

But, as he threw his strength into the weight of his swing, his bent elbow and fist hung dumbly in place.

I… I can’t move!

The woman looked over her shoulder and smiled, her teeth as crooked as her laugh. “Oh? Are you trying to fly away already, Mr. Magni?” She freed her grasp, brought her hands to her chest, and then flapped her elbows up and down like a lunatic. “Caw! Caw!”

The choir roared with laughter. No, not a choir. A mob. It was so unbearably loud.

A flash outside a meager window caught his eye, and he stepped around her. A man with dark hair combed over his shining head held a large, black device. At its forefront was a round glass that reflected Magni’s image. Another woman beside him held a pole with an attachment that glowed in his eyes with the power of the sun.

What magic is this? He raised an arm and blinked away the light.

“Who are they?” Magni rasped. His voice sounded hoarse and unused, as if he’d slept for a hundred years rather than a few hours.

“Who are whom, Mr. Magni?” The self-proclaimed ‘granny’ joined him at the window and peered outside. “Hm? Those children heading off to school? Are you going to horde their lunch money away in your cave, great dragon man?”

The man behind the device chuckled alongside the voices.

Outside of the terms Magni didn’t understand, there were no children to speak of outside of the window. Only these two humans staring inside as if Magni were on display. He thought of the women staring up at the sinner’s cages and shuddered.

“You do not see them?” Magni looked at the granny and gestured out the window. “This man and woman within our reach?”

“Those are called ‘parents,’ Mr. Magni, and their money is just as off-limits as their kids.”

He shook his head. “Do you hear the laughter?”

“Just mine while I wonder what’s gotten into you.” She clicked her tongue and shook her head.

Magni struggled to summon a response. His surroundings were as unfamiliar as the faces of these humans. The old woman knew his name, but he knew nothing of her. Powerful magic seemed to enchant every facet; the woman’s strength, his frozen limbs, the laughter that fell on her deaf ears, and the people outside who were invisible to her.

Even when the thought of escape crossed his mind and he reached out the window, his whole being protested until his body locked into place, his fingers hovering inches away from his reflection in the glass.

“Come now. You’re starving and it’s driving ya crazy. We’ll feed your breakfast to Charlie and make you something fresh.”

“I assure you, the lack of food is not what has me perplexed.”

“Uh-huh. That’s what they all say, honey.” She looked through the window and drew quick circles with her forefinger inches away from her ear.

Does she truly not see him?

Before he could contest her lie, she snaked her arm around his elbow and tugged him away from the window.

He did not bother to resist. Perhaps he could secure a weapon in another area of the dwelling. Magic always had a cost, both in his home world and in Nyarlea. There would come a time when its keeper rested, faltered, or—in the best possible circumstance—revealed themselves. There was no telling where he could go, but if he could escape this constant laughter at his expense, it would drastically improve his situation.

The hallway’s ceiling was so low that the tips of his horns scraped two thin lines into the paint. They passed two other open doors, which held similar furnishings to the room he’d found himself in, and one closed. At the end of the hall was what appeared to be a common room, dressed with a tasteless, floral-covered sofa, an oval table set far too low to the ground, and a handful of other pieces of furniture that Magni did not understand the use of.

“Did peasants choose these pieces?”

“Now, that’s not a nice thing to call the good people of Walmart.” More laughter.

He wasn’t offered much time to question just what a ‘Walmart’ was before the granny rushed him into a new room on the opposite side of the dwelling.

Where his fortress had separate rooms for his dining hall and kitchens, this one combined the two inside the smallest space possible. A round table stood in the center, surrounded by three children, a man holding a folded stack of grey parchment, and a yellow-haired woman who batted away the hands of the youngest child near her. All were human, and all wore such peculiar, unassuming attire. Gone were the Enchanted gems and golden jewelry of Nyarlea. No one sported Saoirse’s sapphires or San Island’s splendid fabrics.

“You’re finally back,” the man said without looking up from his parchment. “I’d started to worry about us leaving you alone in a room with a man again, Mama.”

The granny’s jaw fell open, and she gawked. “Do you not enjoy your life, Stu?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then you’d best be glad that David brought out the Corvette that night.”

The mob’s guffaws returned. Magni looked between them with a furrowed brow. Just what were these fools discussing? Every other word from this ancient woman’s mouth was a new riddle to be solved.

“I couldn’t blame Phyllis at all, Stu. Just look at him.” The blond-haired woman looked up at Magni, her face glowing with…something akin to desire. It unsettled him. “Tall, dark, handsome—”

“Jesus, Sophie, just marry him instead,” Stu snapped.

What is happening here?

“Are Mommy and Daddy getting a divorce?” a tiny girl with red hair asked an older boy next to her.

“Yes. Because Grandma brought a dragon home,” the boy said.

The chortling in the background continued, growing louder as the conversation escalated. Anytime one of the humans opened their mouths, it renewed the fires of those bearing witness. It grated on Magni’s ears and dug into his skin.

“Billy! Don’t say such things to Iris!” Sophie reached around two children to tap him roughly on the head.

The youngest sitting beside Sophie turned its wide eyes to Magni. “Hoooorns!”

“That’s horny, Lily,” Stu murmured.

“Stu!” Sophie and Phyllis cried in unison.

Magni could hardly hear them over the mob. A canine leaped onto the table and began eating from an untouched plate. Two of the children screamed, “Charlie!” The laughter escalated.

He felt dizzy with the noise, furious with the chaos. He closed his eyes and screamed, “[Gate to the Shroud]!” He willed all of his frustration, confusion, and rage into the words, praying that his escape would appear before him, just as it had a hundred times before.

But when he opened his eyes, no portal had formed. No magic trilled the air. Only the family around the table remained, staring blankly at him for the longest silence in his memory.

“Well then, I wonder if my little brother will be just as crazy?” Stu quipped.

“Yours or mine?” Billy replied.

Everyone laughed. The mob, the grandmother, the parents. Even the younger children.

Magni clapped his hands over his ears and roared. The man from the window appeared at the kitchen’s opening and approached Magni slowly with his foreign device. The girl holding the sun followed suit.

The man grinned and spoke his first words: “Oh yeah. This’ll send our ratings through the roof.”