My first gay experience | HELLO, GENTLE VIEWERS Ep. 1
Added 2023-10-13 21:55:00 +0000 UTC
Comments
God the part where you saw Rob kissing his date and your heart dropping.....I've been there! I felt gutted at the time and the memory still hurts a bit. Part of it was me wanting to be out of the closet and loving this guy but like Rob he's living a straight life 23 years later.
Mike
2024-05-04 20:25:08 +0000 UTCI vary with my reading. Will Wight has big on my list for a good while right now and just finished Red Dragon by Thomas Wolfe. Scared the crap outta me. Too many to mention but started reading at young age as an escape. From outside sources and a few of my own, like knowing I was "different " even before I knew what sex was.
Rory Poulsen
2023-10-19 17:15:20 +0000 UTCThese stories always make me sad for what we go through, when we have to figure these things out on our own. High School is a time of discovery and heartbreak for everyone, but having to do so on your own while hiding everything from your family and friends is a whole other level. Especially when you have your perspective of then vs now. My heart aches for guys like Rob who don’t get to be their true selves or at the very least went through that period of exploration with the added pressures of keeping up appearances. Regardless, thank you for sharing your story. Our stories make up who we are and I’m glad to feel I know a bit more about you from hearing it. I hope you weren’t too uncomfortable sharing some of the more graphic details, it definitely made me chuckle a little how reluctant you were to say some of the words in your story. You can feel the echoes of how little you could talk about what was happening even all these years later. Telling stories gives you the power to look back on it with new perspective and I hope this helped put the story just a little further in its place in the past.
Justin Wilson
2023-10-17 16:37:21 +0000 UTCChris, I definitely agree. RWRB is a game changer for queer cinema. It was pretty successful for Amazon so hopefully they green light similar adaptations This is hopefully 🤞 my final deployment. Cant say when I’ll come back yet
Paracutirimicuaro
2023-10-14 16:55:35 +0000 UTCThank you for sharing your story, Ryan. It’s especially confusing when you have no clue if they’re flirting or being friendly like your athletic friend. It seems that often time men/boys just have a friendly/flirtatious nature that is confusing for young guys before they come out. I agree about the savage times growing up. It’s hard enough just being a horny teenager, but we also have all the complications that come with being gay haha
Paracutirimicuaro
2023-10-14 16:53:02 +0000 UTCHey Alastair! Cool on base broom closet. Lol jk! I couldn't agree with you more about liking RW&RB, the movie, more than the book. I didn't like the character of Alex in the book at all. He was kind of an asshole. I fell in love with Alex and Henry in the movie almost immediately. The chemistry between Taylor and Nicholas was off the charts. Beautifully acted. The intimacy scenes, especially the love making scene was exquisite. I've never seen that level of gay intimacy in a movie, and it was accomplished with such class. Really a game changer in queer cinema, if you ask me. I really appreciate you opening up about you first gay experience. I could tell it wasn't the easiest thing for you to talk about, so I really thank you for being so brave. I hope "Rob" is happy in his life. I think I remember hearing in a previous video that this is your final deployment. If so, congrats! Are you allowed to say how much longer until you get home?
Chris Metzger
2023-10-14 15:46:03 +0000 UTCHey Alastair, you got way more respect from me with how you handle that at a young age. If you want to read a new m/m romance then let me know, hope you don’t fall asleep to it 😜 but all good, no review wanted or anything. Just a gift for you and zach
Richy Gonzales
2023-10-14 15:08:16 +0000 UTCHi Alastair! Thanks for sharing this story! Man, this takes me back to High School too... My junior high years (grade 8-10, around the time you were born, young fella!) I was crushing big time on some of they guys in school. i wasn't out and had no intention of ever coming out. I was 24 before I did. Like you I was friends with lots of class mates and well known amongst the students, being in Drama productions and high achieving academically. One particular guy I thought was the hottest at school - he was high achieving athletically, one of the stars of the rugby team. I always made an effort to be friendly with him and by grade 10 we were hanging out sometimes. In one class we sat in the back beside one another and he'd often (always) put his hand on my thigh, sometimes comment on my muscles. I still remember the joy I felt when he was amazed by the mass of my biceps - he called them "pipes"! I swooned. We found excuses to be alone together at school but every time I played coy. I couldn't come out. It was the late eighties/early nineties. I was scared. Later I realized that everyone at school "knew" I was gay but no one spoke openly about it, and my closest friends were cool enough to just hang out with me and let it be. While you actually discovered something about yourself with your friend in High School, I made sure it didn't happen for me. So I've always been left with a longing and wondering what could have happened between us. I'm pretty sure he was straight and looking for attention. If he asserted himself even slightly I would have enthusiastically participated! I was waiting for him to indicate what he wanted. And I probably will never know. What you said about being confused by it to this day particularly rings true to me. Confused is the right word for it, I think, but I didn't realize that until just now. I'm not confused about who I am, or what went on back in the day (thirty years ago now!!!) but that feeling is still with me, and I remember being breathlessly in love at the time. While this love was unrequited I also remember feeling a kind of heartbreak over some of the guys in school, particularly seeing them with their girlfriends. Savage, savage times - growing up. I don't think the feeling goes away but its really good to know I'm not alone in feeling it. Thanks again for sharing this story. I've never told anyone this story either, even though it was an important experience in my life! Wishing you all the best!
Ryan Barry
2023-10-14 14:56:38 +0000 UTCHappy Birthday Alastair 🎆 Have a great day
IsaMeurice
2023-10-14 11:09:53 +0000 UTCThe poll will go up soon 🎃
Paracutirimicuaro
2023-10-14 10:11:20 +0000 UTCI'm glad to see someone echoes my experience. It can be hard to reflect back on. Also, It's an incredibly confusing time being a queer teenager growing up in an ultra-heteronormative culture
Paracutirimicuaro
2023-10-14 10:10:43 +0000 UTCI’m so glad I could introduce you to Mistborn and the Expanse. Are you more into fantasy or sci-fi? We will definitely be diving more into books this year too
Paracutirimicuaro
2023-10-14 10:07:12 +0000 UTCHello Alastair, you are looking good & healthy. It was nice of u to share your experience, u didn't have to. I am glad u are doing your reviews again. Mister Magic sounds good to me to read. I read the Mistborn series & the Expsnse Series because of you, so looking forward to your book choices. Welcome back.
Jimmy
2023-10-14 03:57:01 +0000 UTCWow Alastair this one hit hard. My highschool experience was so similar, all the way down to being physical and best friends with him. I had a falling out with him junior year too and reconnected more senior year. Growing up in Abilene, TX it just wasn't in the cards for us to really be comfortable with ourselves. I always wondered what a first gay "love" or experience could be untainted by the world around us. I feel like all of the feelings I was supposed to feel I had to suppress. I hope kids in the future don't have to feel the same way. Really moving video and I love the idea of reading along with you like a book club!
Shaun Harlow
2023-10-14 03:35:05 +0000 UTCBoth books seem really interesting, the latter one is more fitting for my personal taste though. Anyway, I am good with either, as long as Alastair reviews it haha.
Frankie Choi
2023-10-14 03:27:13 +0000 UTC
