Real Life Thing...

So most of you know that for the last... 18 months I've been working at Amazon in a delivery station to supplement my income and utilize their healthcare benefits. From nearly the moment I started, my body hated me for it. It's not a hard job, but is physically demanding. People at my age are either part-time, or go at the speed of a sloth. For me, I've never been able to put half-effort into anything so I've pushed myself every day to do my best, even though in Amazon's hierarchy, that accomplishes nothing.

While most of the nagging physical issues have come and gone, or are taken care of, one hasn't gotten any better. In fact, it's gotten progressively worse. My arms will go completely numb all the way down to my fingers and then proceed to feel like little knives slabbing me in the fingers, elbows, and shoulders for an extended period of time. It's made it impossible to sleep for more than about 5 hours at best, and 30-45 minutes at worst. Of course, that's all the sleep I generally am able to get on a daily basis due to my schedule and daughter.

Last week after work was over, I had so many plans for the 3 days off as far as art and commission work. Monday, I could barely move my arms and when I did, the numb stabby pain started immediately. I could barely pick my daughter up and wound up almost flinging her into the air and hugging her so she wouldn't see me tear up. My doctor appointment is Friday.

But Phoenix, you say, it's just a simple doctor visit. Why are you so worried?

I haven't had a great track record going to the doctor. You might say it's because I go so long between doctor visits. You're probably right. But there isn't much I can do about that right now. Many years ago I went into a dentist for two cavities and like five days later, I got Bell's Palsy. A Year or so later I went to the doctor for a physical and wound up with a diabetes diagnosis (it's under control). Another time I went in for something simple, and through a couple tests, they found a bone fragment in my perodid gland. That was a surgery to remove it.

I know there are things wrong with me. Probably carpal tunnel. Maybe arthritis. Or maybe it's worse than that. That's why I hate doctors and why I'm dreading going there in a couple days.