Bahamut's Light: Chapter 18
Added 2022-07-29 22:38:58 +0000 UTCIn which Veledar returns to Fremra's keep, trying to keep his side quest on the downlow.
Comments
O forgot to mention, i love how Fremra treats Veledar like a kid, she's very mother like. And the bond connection was great, you could tell Veledar was so worried for him.
Cryodrake
2022-08-06 17:58:33 +0000 UTCArcturus and the others, making your entire little quest entirely pointless. (is it bad using entire twice, entire and entirely? Just curious) Veledar could spread her wings wide without touching the sides. (His wings not her wings) the plant abstract (extract) He lingered upon the bearded face of the rather handsome human (He lingered upon the smoothed face of the rather handsome human) But again, if you’d done as I’d requested, you’d not be being forced to endure such a thing. (be being? I think you just need be) A special concoction of vitamins and other potions (This is me nit picking here, but do they know what vitamins are? That suggests a higher level of knowing basic biology for that time period.) So near the end as he gets out of the pool i feel like theirs a logic error. She says “So you’re back!” Her voice was loud, again with that singsong tone. “How was it? Was he doing anything interesting?” She chortled to herself as he spun himself over, “Imagine all the possibilities that you could share with the mind. The secrets, the plans.” So she doesn't know everything about the bond, and yet she starts asking questions as if she does? And if she did know then why didn't say that piece of information right away, sure you have to have the student learn how to do the thing but they still need to know about the thing in the first place. Again her line of questioning comes off odd and confusing. A simple solution would be having Veledar say something like, wow i can do even more with the bond and heres what happened, and then Fremra being like, O i didnt know that! Then she asks questions.
Cryodrake
2022-08-02 00:09:34 +0000 UTC
