Bahamut's Light Chapter 16
Added 2022-07-17 22:09:29 +0000 UTCIn which Arcturus is interrogated, thrown into a cell with a familiar face.
Comments
telling of a year of service. (i think you meant years but this says a single year of service x3) “Like caverns to mess with draconic bonds? I imagine you have whole vaults of dragonbane.” (minor detail but i think you should add something from the captors like, whatever connection you have with your dragon i assure you wont get through our anti-magic cells. Something to show them clueless to Arcs bond. Granted they didn't respond so maybe that could be them having no clue what he's talking about. Currently its fine i just figure more could be added) He tried to use lay on hands, finding that the magic would gather at his command. (in anti-magic so it's wouldn't instead of would) goblins hurling stuff (could leaves it as most people just generalize memories but if you wanted too you could add throwing spears and clubs instead if you wanted too) I picture what my father had me do to a gold dragon when I was what but a boy… (When i was what but a boy or When i was but a boy? think this is a me one but not sure which sounds better.) My gryphs and men didn’t come all this way, secure a ship for us to be captured and put to death for daring to come and help! (I think you could reword this too, My gryphs and men didn't secure a ship and come all this way just to be captured and put to death for daring to help others! It feels more chronologically better because right now what's typed implies they first came here, then secured a ship that was somehow already here, then got captured. So i suggest the change to have it they secured a ship, which might imply breaking orders, they came here and then got captured. It sounds better.) Love the ending it was fun <3
Cryodrake
2022-07-22 17:29:49 +0000 UTC
