[NonEarlyBird] Chapter 53 - Dungeon Crawler You

Chapter 53: Bad Jobs

Taylor: I'm going to talk to them. Moose, fade back with stealth, get an ambush ready. Drew, smoke it up. Make it look like it's drifting towards them naturally. Leo, my dear little liar, back me up if I need it.

Calliope: Yah, because you totally should be the one doing the talking instead of me, the one with all the Charisma and lying skills.

Drew: Not now.

Moose: MOOSE DOES NOT LIKE LEAVING YOU GUYS ALONE, BUT OKAY! HE DOES NOT THINK HE'S GOING TO BE VERY STEALTHY, THOUGH. NO WORRIES, MOOSE HAS GOT THIS.

Moose, who was currently about the size of an elephant, looked at the approaching crawlers and cringed. He hunched down on his back legs with his head low, whimpered and backed away, accelerating as he went. Once he was far enough he whirled and raced away, tail between his legs, to hide behind the nearest of the massive pillars.

Moose: OOH, MOOSE IS SUCH A SCAREDY-PUP! WOE IS MOOSE, HE IS SO SCARED! TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY SCARED OF THESE BIG BAD PLAYER-MURDERING LITTLE MEATBALLS!

Taylor: Methinks the dog doth protest too much.

That was all he had time for before the other crawlers were close enough to hail.

"Hey there!" he called out, offering his best 'welcome to the channel' smile and wave. "Nice to meet some fellow humans."

"Hi yourself," Naaji called, smiling. Her teeth were very white; she was beautiful already and the smile made her stunning. She pressed her hands together in a mudrā, palms together and pointed up in front of her chest. Taylor couldn't help but notice how the action pulled her scarves/robe tight across generous breasts; he made a distinct effort to keep his eyes on hers instead of letting them drift downwards. She kept her large, dark eyes on his as she bowed slightly, the gesture making her long hair sway. It tumbled down to the small of her back, silky and thick and black as night.

"First off, please don't worry about the bad look," she said, stopping about ten feet away and gesturing to the skulls floating above herself and her friends. Said friends also stopped, flanking her and slightly spread out. "I know it's not great, but I promise it's not what it looks like. It makes it really hard to make friends."

Her voice was soft velvet, the tones of exotic lands rounding her vowels. Taylor felt a shiver run down his back.

"What is it?" Callipe asked after a moment of Taylor not speaking. "If it's not what it looks like."

"Hm?" Naaji asked, breaking eye contact with Taylor. "What? Oh. We were attacked by a group of player killers on the last floor. They were ambushing everyone who came to the stairs. We had to fight our way past them and, well..." She waved to the skulls and shrugged, the gesture embarrassed.

"Four of you, each with eight or more skulls," Drew noticed. "Pretty big ambush." He drew hard on his joint and blew out a long puff, aiming it generally towards the other team but up instead of straight at them.

"It was a large group," she said. "As was ours. We were a combination of several parties. The ambushers had a mass mind-control spell that caught a number of our companions and made them switch sides. The four of us and three others were the only ones who made it down the stairs."

"You are so full of—"

Taylor raised a hand. "Be nice, Leo. Remember what Charlie said? Eugene had a party of fifty people and was actively hunting other players. As to the numbers, Astronomy Army is two hundred people last we heard."

"Unc, are you thinking with your dick or are you just stupid? Heck, that guy is literally painted in blood!"

"Take a breath, kid," said Santana, the man with the cross painted on his robe in blood. "We don't get to choose what comes out of the loot boxes. It's good gear."

"And what about those classes, huh? 'Priest of Desecration'? 'Gang Lord'? 'Inquisitional Presbyter', whatever the fuck that is. I don't know who the hell Nirriti is but I'm sure he's a god of murder and deathy deathness."

"Nirriti is a woman," Naaji said, her voice gently scolding. "She is a Hindu deity, goddess of the southwest. People invoke her name when they set off on a journey."

"And the rest of you?"

"A presbyter is simply a specific type of priest," Santana explained. "One step down from a bishop. When I entered the dungeon, my first words were a prayer for the protection of Holy Jesus. I got an achievement for it, a mocking one with no reward. When we reached the third floor I was offered a wide array of priest classes and not much else that was any good."

"An Inquisitional priest?" Callipe demaned. "Not cool."

He smiled slightly and sketched a cross towards her. "May the Holy Lord Jesus forgive your doubts and hold his hand over you in protection."

An arc of golden energy leaped from his fingers to Calliope's chest and wrapped her in a glowing aura.

Drew's bident came up, lengthening from 'javelin' to 'spear' in a blink and pointed straight at Santana's face.

Calliope raised a hand to stop him. "Be cool, Uncle Drew," she said. "It's a buff. 'Holy Aura'. Grants emotional stability, protection from emotion-based attacks, a mild healing effect, and a physical shield against undead- and Unholy-type monsters."

"Take it off of her or I'll fucking murder you," Drew said, his voice calm.

"Whoa, man! Take it easy," Santana said. "It's a buff. It won't hurt her."

"You altered her emotions without asking, Taylor is getting hard at the girl, your chameleon friend has his daggers out, and your buddies haven't said a word yet. The only reason I'm not killing you right now is because I don't want the skulls. Take it off of her or you're paste."

"Easy, Drew," Taylor said, placing a hand on his friend's arm. He shifted slightly, trying his best to discreetly hide the tent in his pants and blushing when he couldn't.

Naaji's eyes, which had once more drifted back to Taylor's in fascination, jolted off of him and onto Drew. She smiled, the expression a little embarrassed. "Drew, really, everything is fine. We are no threat to you."

She seemed stressed, Taylor thought sadly. Her delightful accent was thicker.

"Taylor, snap out of it."

"Maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea for you to put those daggers away, Kuro," Calliope said. "Ease the tension a little."

The Japanese man in the chamelon armor looked to Octavius. The Gang Lord, who had stood silent until now, nodded once. Kuro's daggers disappeared into unseen sheaths where his hips presumably were.

Drew: Levi, we're talking with four player killers. Leo was suspicious until one of them hit her with a buff called 'Holy Aura'. Taylor keeps looking at the woman and he's visibly hard. He's usually got better control.

Levi: Holy Aura is a good spell. It removes negative emotions, keeps the recipient calm and controlled even if they get whammied with a Fear or Taunt effect. Also gives a variety of protections. As to Taylor, he's got the lowest Charisma in the party by a mile. He'd be most vulnerable to any sex- or lust-based effects. What are their classes?

"Everyone take a breath," Taylor said. "Drew, it's okay. We're just talking. Kuro was being helpful."

"Shouldn't have done it without asking," Calliope said, "but it doesn't seem harmful."

Drew: Priest of Desecration, Ritualist of Nirriti, Gang Lord, Inquisitional Presbyter. Who the fuck is Nirriti?

"I'm sorry," Santana said. "Look, it wasn't meant to be a problem. It was funny, yeah? Pray for your doubts to be lifted, give you a buff that makes you immune to emotional control."

"Suspicious bunch," Octavius said, speaking for the first time. "We just wanted to exchange information, get in each other's chats."

Levi: Nirriti is the Hindu goddess of death. Also sorrow and decay, if I remember right. Not a good set of jobs.

"We don't need to be in each other's chats," Drew said. "Taylor made that network."

Drew: Taylor is thinking with his dick. How do I get him to shake it off?

"Oh, that was you?" Naaji asked, eyes rising in surprise. "Wow. Taylor, you're amazing."

Taylor felt a swell of embarrassed pleasure in his chest at the beautiful woman's words. He opened his mouth to thank her—

—and jolted in shock as water soaked his shoulder and the side of his head. He looked over to see Drew holding a Super Soaker out with one hand, his other hand still on the bident and his eyes on the other party.

"Back the fuck up," Drew said to the other crawlers. "Last warning and then I deal with the skulls."

"Fuck you, you little shit," Kuro said. "Four on three, you think you can—" He cut off as Naaji placed a hand on his arm. The woman took a small step back, tugging Kuro along with her.

Moose: THE WOMAN SMELLS WEIRD. SPICY AND SWEET. THE MEN SMELL ANGRY.

You have been Packed!

Taylor: Easy, buddy.

"Naaji, what are you doing?" Kuro demanded.

"Easy, Kuro. It's not four on three. That dog of theirs is right over there."

Four lidless plastic tubs dropped out of Drew's inventory, a cloud of smoke billowing forth from each and forming a dark thunderhead above the team. It started rolling towards the other crawlers.

"Walk the fuck away," Drew said. "Right now."

"Easy, Uncle Drew. Take it easy. They aren't doing anything."

"The fuck they aren't."

Moose: MOOSE'S DANGER SENSE IS GOING CRAZY! MOOSE THINKS THEY ARE ABOUT TO ATTACK!

Voting is open.

• [] Attack first!

• [] Run away!

• [] I don't care what we do, let EJ decide

• [] write in

Here's the problem: if you kill these guys then you'll get skulls. If you get skulls then you can't go back on Omusa's show. Their show greatly increases your visibility and is likely going to be a big factor in you getting fans and benefactors. Plus, killing other humans is bad.

You're in a repair bay that's large enough to lose Yankee Stadium in. There are multiple hourglass-shaped stone pillars around, each one ten or twenty meters wide at the base, with ladders attached to them. They are placed randomly but usually 30-60 meters apart. There are workspaces and machines scattered around on the floor and at various heights on the pillars. There are large amounts of open space between the workspaces; the nearest is about 20 meters away and consists of a half-disassembled humanoid mecha ten feet tall plus a large array of tools and machines around it. Immediately behind you is a 'puddle' of black slime the size of a small pond, with bubbles filled with monsters.

Moose is behind a pillar ~10m away. The other crawlers are between you and the exit that leads back to the railway.

You can try to run deeper into the bay, you can attack, you can keep trying to talk everyone down, or whatever else you like.

Voting ends when discussion has run its course, but no earlier than [time]2024-06-25 18:30:00 America/New_York[/time].

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