TheWiseTomato

April Billing Pause

Mixed news. I’ll be pausing billing for April for a few reasons.

One, I’ve been living out of a suitcase for the last month and a half at various places, some with a PC to use and some without, so while the words from the previous poll are done, I’ve been unable to type them up to post. Rather than let this continue to bottleneck things, I’m going to put the next poll up. With the untyped words and the words of the next poll winner, I’ll hit my word quota for the month, t...

September Billing Pause

Given my slackness this past month, I'll be pausing billing in September to give me time to catch up on lives (and to finish Uni). Goal is to squeeze a few lives in between assessment, and then start October all caught up. I'll have some information on my plans for some original fiction for y'all at that stage too.

Once again, thanks for all your support. Knowing you've enjoyed my work has been a real boost over the course of my degree (nearly fucking done whoooo.)

June Billing Pause

I'll be pausing billing again for next month. Placement is almost over and has gone well, but I've got a fairly critical piece of assessment due mid June and I don't want to fuck about with it. I will try to sprinkle some words about when I have time, but weekly lives won't be viable.

Thanks for your continued support.

May Billing Pause

I will be pausing billing for May, as I have a fairly important placement to get through. At this stage there's a possibility that I'll be pausing June as well due to some important assessment and life changes. I'll keep you in the loop. Writing will absolutely resume by July at the latest.

December Billing Pause

No charge for December as I need to catch up on missed lives in November.  I have been in Tahiti, and the beaches are persuasive.

July Break

Billing will be paused for July as I have IRL commitments that will make my weekly updates impossible to maintain.  I may have time to do some side stories, but we'll see.

I don't say it enough, so thank you again for your support.  No matter the tier, I appreciate it all.

Tier Changes

Hello, lovely people who support my writing.  It's me, the guy who is far too far behind on his writing.  

The time that I thought I would have this month to catch up on what I owe you all has turned out to not exist.  That's just not cricket, so I'll be putting a pin in the What If shorts for the foreseeable future.  In return, I've changed the vote weighting that those higher tiers get.  Despite this, I don't want to disenfranchise anyone, so we'll roll with t...

Sufficiently Advanced Percussive Maintenance 4

“Ahhhh,” Thor said, closing his eyes in bliss.  He may have slipped through the folds of Yggdrasil to another strange new realm, but coffee was eternal.

“Worth the wait?” Elara asked, leaning forward onto the counter.  Topaz eyes were full of questions, and they seemed to glitter against her blue skin.

Thor took another long sip before answering.  “Indeed.  I regret I could not come sooner, but I was denied entry to this section of your Citadel each d...

The Bay of America 3

Of those who witnessed the defiance of the blond giant, not all were cowed.  Some scoffed - they had seen bigger, they assured each other, seen them die on the sands to this or that famous pit fighter.  Others were sure that even if he were to prove the greatest warrior ever seen, he could not prevail against the forces of the entire city.  The hurriedly assembled force of guards may have fallen to trickery and ambush, but there was still only one way this could end.  They...

In A Frozen White Hell 3

Three days they walked, rising early with the sun and stopping early to make their shelter.  The trees along their path became sparse only to thicken again, sometimes hardly capable of keeping the bitter wind away, other times dark and gloomy enough to mask the sun.  It was a rare sound that wasn’t the crunch of Steve’s boots or the rasp of the sled through the snow.

The ̶f̶u̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ faffing snow.  Steve had been sick and tired of it before they left Frelja...

October Break

This is just a quick announcement letting you all know that I'll be pausing my writing for October, and that I've put the billing on hold for the month.  I believe I've been updating weekly (and some change) for a year straight now, and I want to thank everyone who has liked my work enough to throw some money my way.  

So thanks, and I'll see you all in November.

Two Blonds: Adventures in Averland 2

A continuation of a prior commission.  Requested by xanartik, this is really very late.  

X x X

“I don’t understand, the signs all point to smuggling,” Tanya muttered.  She slapped a tiny fist into one palm.

“Some appear to point elsewhere,” Thor said, glancing at the corpse, packed in a cramped box.  It had been a man grown, ...

Professor Wong

This is a commission for KingZephyr, featuring Wong of Marvel in a crossover situation.

X

It was Strange’s fault, of course.  Meddling with forces he had read the sparknotes on and thought himself capable, assuming that because understanding came to him easily that he had no need for caution - it was infuriating, and it was worse because most of the time he was right.

Most of the time.

Wong paced angrily in the forest clearing, mutter...

Walt and Toby Go Fishing

This was a commission by KingZephyr who asked for Walt and Toby going fishing, but I was also able to make it fit canon.  So here we go, the first canon extra for Captain Westeros.

X

Eleni wasn’t quite pacing, but she looked like she dearly wanted to.  Straw-blonde hair was tied in a serviceable braid, suitable for a lady’s maid, and brown eyes kept turning skyward, praying for patience.  With her in the room she had been g...

With Grace and Genre Savviness 2

Irene was starting to get the hang of this Apparition thing, but then the prospect of fate as a chew toy for some kind of hell beast was a hell of a motivator.  The loud crack of her teleports had lessened into a quiet snap, and the frog no longer seemed as upset by the process, which was good because he might be the only reason she survived this.

“Frogger, use poison spit,” Irene said as she turned to face the hound once more.

The frog spat another glob of noxious purple...

Shield and Cub

KingZephyr commissioned 2k words of Steve and Ciri adventuring together.  It kind of got out of hand.

X

It was the second week of their little adventure, and the fourth fort they faced.  Once a fortified manor of a slave lord, it had been hurriedly built up when word of their coming had spread, carried by fearful and hopeful lips alike.  Graceful arches had been bricked up, hedge mazes soaked with oil, and upstairs balconies tu...

With Grace and Genre Savviness

A friend of mine, let's call her Irene, subscribed to the Leviathan tier because she's cool like that.  Because she also takes great pleasure in twisting the knife, she had me write the most degenerate of commissions:  a xianxia friend insert.  I know nothing of xianxia, and have yet to read a single example of the genre, but here is my attempt at writing it nonetheless.  

I had more fun doing it than I should have.

X

Sufficiently Advanced Percussive Maintenance 3

Wrapping her head around the whatever-the-fuck of the sight could wait until there was no longer a Reaper perched on the Citadel Tower.  “Advance to cover,” Jane ordered, and they moved as one, every one of them positioned to support two others should an attack come.

The blond oddity awaited them, unconcerned about standing in the open next to the remains of the bisected Colossus.  He continued to speak to them in exaggerated fashion, miming words in the vacuum.  Bits...

Long Live The King

The Targaryen delegation was late that morning, leaving what some had called the STAB alliance to cool their heels in the pavilion that had been set up outside the city walls, picking at small hors d'oeuvres and sipping at what wine the army could find.  In time though, the gates opened and the royal party rode out, armour glittering under the sun as usual.  Steve was growing tired from all the pageantry, but the high lords with him seemed to take it in stride.  The usual postu...

Still Waters Hide Sharp Rocks

KingZephyr asked for more of Naerys' entrepreneurial efforts. 

X

“Another one, Lady Naerys,” Zary said, handing over a scroll.  Vindictive amusement was clear on her bronze face.

“Who was it this time?” Naerys asked.  They sat in her office in the White House, the room having rapidly become the beating heart of the Still Waters Company.  It was in an awkward position, half Naerys’ enterprise and half offici...

Sufficiently Advanced Percussive Maintenance 2

xanartik commissioned a continuation of the Thor/Mass Effect 'What If?'. 

X

Thor watched as the defenders emerged from the cover of their bunker, weapons raised warily.  He saw two unfamiliar species, one with a metallic crest on its head and similarly hard skin, the other with smoother skin and rounded horns of flesh rising from their skulls.  There were also more of the blue skinned species like the plucky barista.  No humans though.

�...

Iron Wrench, Metal Gear

KingZephyr wanted to see an Avenger have a run in with Senator Armstrong of Metal Gear.

X

Sometimes, Tony considered just how bad it would really be if he took over the US, just seized control.  It wouldn’t be hard.  Sure, Pepper wouldn’t talk to him for a week, and he’d be on nappy duty full time, but -

“Mr Stark, would you answer the question?”

Tony jerked in his seat.  “What, it’s my turn to talk?  Sorry, your droni...

Naerys Drops A Hint (Or Several)

KingZephyr wanted to see more of Naerys suffering, and poor Ser Arthur caught in the crossfire.  

X

“...’with lavender eyes I see your quality, your smile, your heart, Only give me a sign and our romance might start.  I will raise my sword beside you, that we may never be apart.’, Steve read from the parchment he held, scented faintly with perfume, breakfast forgotten before him.  “Well, this is awkward.”

Naerys’ morning, ...

In A Frozen While Hell 2

When Steve woke, he was in danger of being covered in bodies.  Sleeping bodies, some snoring, others twitching, one drooling, but bodies.  The hut he was in had a single large fur on the ground, and a number of smaller ones as blankets, but it seemed that Steve’s natural body heat had been deemed to be the superior option, as every occupant huddled for warmth.

Helga, the woman with the limp who had been caring for Frelja’s brother, was on the other side of the fur from him...

An Archer Adrift: I Don't Have An Arrow For This

KingZephyr commissioned the opening scene of the meme Clint quest. 

X x X

Clint bent over backwards to avoid a swipe that would’ve torn out his intestines, before returning the favour and carving the four-armed-mutant-dog-looking-thing from hip to shoulder.  Shimmering red light cloaked him, and the Chitauri that was about to skewer him in his moment of vulnerability instead found itself holding a melting weapon, shrieking in pain...

In A Frozen White Hell

Steve hated the cold.  He hated the way it cut through his suit, he hated the way it burned with every breath, and he hated what it reminded him of.  There was no escaping it, not in the hours he had been walking since he woke up, half buried under a growing snowbank.  He could count on one hand the times he’d been seized by such a panic, thrashing his way free as soon as he’d realised his situation.  He would never go into the ice again.  Not like that.

Sno...

Two Blonds: Adventures in Averland

Xanartik requested Thor and Tanya, adventuring through the Empire and getting up to all sorts of trouble.

X x X

It was a quiet morning on the road to Grenzstadt, at least as far as those things went.  A steady trickle of caravans and traders passed through the northern gate of the fortress-town, carrying the wealth of dwarf trade deeper into Sigmar’s Holy Empire, or making the journey towards Black Fire Pass for more.  Most of these travellers were wav...

The Bay of America 2

The fighting pits of Meereen prided themselves on their spectacle, and that meant doing more than simply bleeding untold numbers of slaves dry on the sands.  A discerning audience demanded surprise and spontaneity, and that meant more than the classic circle of sand.  Some of the most memorable fights, still spoken of years later, had involved elaborate constructions on the pit floor, such as a labyrinth for hunter and prey, or a castle in miniature.  Once an arena had flooded ...

What The Heart Wants

KingZephyr commissioned the wedding of Steve and Keladry, with Naerys watching on.

X

The wedding of Lord America to Lady Delnaimn was a popular affair, as much for the event itself as the salacious gossip it seemed to birth with every bit of news surrounding it.

‘Did you hear, the Lord America made a bastard Crownlands girl his mistress, and then he put her in charge of his coin!  He’ll be penniless before the year is out, mark my words...