“He Wants Me to Get Fat for Him”

"Wait! What do you mean- get fat for him? Like- actually....?"

"Like, he wants me to eat more, a lot more, put on weight, & get fat. Because he- actually prefers ladies- on the larger side. Don't know how much plainer I can put it, frankly."

"Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's what I thought you meant. It's just that- that's usually the complete opposite of what guys typically want. Wow. There really are guys like that out there? Heh. Where can I find one?"

"This isn't funny!! He finally fessed up to it, after I called him out for constantly trying to feed me! Ply me with sweets. Always winging food at me! It was like every time I saw him, he’d be shoving a whole thing of expensive chocolates in my face, or a pie or baked good or something. And that's not including all the fancy dinner dates where he told me to indulge, get whatever I wanted. Do you know, since I started seeing him? I'm already up twelve pounds? All from not recognizing what he was up to!"

"Yeah but that's like- New Love Fluff.”

“Ex-cuh-use me?!”

“You're happy! I certainly wasn't- going to draw any attention to i..."

"Awesome. So you did notice?"

"Okay, but I only avoided bringing it up because of both how happy you seemed AND, well- I KNOW just how sensitive you can get about your body sometimes! Like right now… Oh c'mon! Don't be like that! It looks fine on you. Really. Great even. You carry it so wel-"

"Are you fucking with me right now? Look! I've gotten this potbelly! And most of my outfits leave me with... with a goddamn muffintop. I’m poking out of everything! On all sides! It’s like nothing can contain me."

"Okay, you need to breathe. Even with you trying to stick it out as much as you can, that is for damn sure not a potbelly, babes. And muffintops have not been a big deal for like the better half of a decade. A lot of guys think they’re cute! It's really not as big a deal as you're making it out to be. Thicc's kind of been in for a minute."

“Easy for you to say, it’s not your ass that’s fixing to bust through the seat of your fat jeans. Hardly anything I own is fitting me right. Besides! It's not about 'thicc.' He wants me... Thicccc. With a whole bunch of 'C's. Ech. I guess part of what’s killing me about this whole thing is just how I should have recognized what was going on sooner. I took it all for granted. As him just trying to be extra sweet. Spoil me a little. Never could’ve imagined it was like- some kind of weird, ulterior motive, like this. Him actively trying to- get me chubby.”

“Damn. You seem pretty conflicted, which, not going to lie, seems pretty weird.”

“What do you mean? I don’t want to pork ou-“

“I MEAN- you frankly wouldn’t shut the fuck up about him for the past month & a half. Like you were IN TO him. Deep. Seemed like he was a keeper.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. He does tick all the other boxes. Every single one. I mean things were going great- phenomenal even… before finding myself getting winded easily at the gym. Or everything fitting really snug."

"Well that just seems like a good excuse for us to hit up the outlet together, go shopping! Whoa. I'm kidding! So like- what did he say? I mean specifically. How did you find out that’s what he was after? How did it all go down?"

"We were out, night before last. At Bella Verde."

"OooooOOOooh. Fancy!"

"Yeah, well, I'm already feeling a bit self-conscious, practically spilling out of my outfit in front of all these well-to-do types, feeling fat. And he's over here, repeatedly asking me if I'm sure I don't want to start off with an appetizer. Kinda pushy? I mean, like 'Are you sure? Did you see anything you liked? Are you sure?' Every three minutes. Like- laying it on pretty thick. And then asking me why I'm not touching the bread they set out. And throughout all of this, stupid me, I'm still just like totally oblivious to it all, trying to enjoy it as much as I can, despite how awkward I feel. After he asked about an appetizer for the fifth time, I finally just looked at him, & delicately tried to explain how I was feeling a bit- out-of-shape. And how I wanted to start watching what I ate a little. Reel it back in. And I floated the idea of only ordering a salad."

"And I'm sure he was like, 'you're crazy, you're hot as hell,' right?"

"Of course. All the standards. 'Oh! You're gorgeous! You have nothing to worry about!' Yadda yadda. And like I didn't NOT believe him when he said it either. But like... to that point? I don't know. What got me? I'm sitting there in this moment, where I'm opening up & being super-vulnerable with him. And we've been seeing each other for how long? At this point, I can just tell when something is turning him on, you know? And, I could tell he was getting turned on in that moment. By me admitting how I was feeling kinda- fat."

"Okay but how did you know it was specifically because you were feeling a lil plump, because you’re not even fat, & not just that- I dunno, just that you felt comfortable enough to be so honest with him or something?"

"Well- at first? Just vibes, I guess. But like, we're getting there."

"Of course. Carry on."

"So I'm put off a little, by his reaction. Then, after sitting there forever, the waiter finally comes over. And so I stick to my guns: I just get the salad."

"Well, devil's advocate: it IS Bella Verde. Going there just to get a salad?"

"Okay but that was the best salad I think I've ev- That's not the point!"

"Okay, I'll shut up."

"The point is, he looked as if I shot his childhood puppy. So dejected. Like me trying to watch what I ate, precisely the way I told him I was going to, was some kind of personal slight towards him. And even though he had already put his order in, he still insisted to squeeze in a side order of calamari 'for the table.' Then turns to me with like 'in case you get hungry.' Like...?"

"Ooh. Calamari."

"Yeah, well- the waiter leaves & I'm kind of pissed. Like what, he can't let me make my own decisions? So I just look at him, point blank, & ask him why it always seemed like he was trying to overfeed me. "

"Like straight up?"

"Straight up. To which he turns bright fuckin' red, & gets super-quiet."

"Heh. Got 'eem."

"At first, it totally gagged him. I mean he kept stuttering & stammering, trying to insist it was all just to 'make me happy.' Some like, transparently bullshit excuses he knew I was never going to buy, & frankly only made the whole thing feel awkward & even more apparent that he was hiding something. So I didn't even rephrase it, I just asked again, & kept pressing him. 'Why are you always trying to overfeed me?' And then eventually, he just broke."

"What did he say?"

"'I like women with some meat on their bones. The more, the better.' And he just shot me this weird look when I asked 'how much more?'

“Like… fat fat?”

“FAT fat. I mean I don’t think I ever got an actual upper limit out of him. Which like- Ech… omigod. Anyway, he apologized. Profusely. First for not being more open about it, but also in case I 'felt tricked.' Like he tried to insist there were times where he didn't even realize he was actively being as pushy as he was. As if it was almost involuntary for him at times.”

"Wow. Okay, but like… what I don't get about all this? If he prefers his women... bigger? If that's the case, no offense, why you? I mean you're not big. You’ve never been big. Even now, despite all your whining. In fact, you've always been relatively fit."

"No offense taken...? Anyway, that's just it! I keep pressing him further, like 'what, you were actively trying to fatten me up this whole time?' And he reluctantly nods, & admits that actually feeding me, & watching me grow is a big part of what does it for him. Not just fatties in general, but like the whole process of actually turning me INTO a fatty! That’s what really does it for him."

"Huh. That's sooo... I don't even know what to say..."

"I do. It's really weird. Especially to just spring on someone, out of the blue. Then he tried to tell me he didn't even realize he was doing it at first, that it all started off subconsciously, which, okay, whatever. But then he goes & tries to pass the blame off on me! 'When I realized what I was doing, I wanted to lay off. But by that point, you seemed as if you were into it, so I guess I actively started to lean in too,' he says!"

"Okay, but as your friend though, permission to speak freely? Like, you know I love you & all..."

[Sigh] "Go on." 

"You're my best friend. I know for a fact you're not that gullible! So like... exactly how tricked were you really?"

[Huff] "What do you mean?!"

"What I mean is, I have never known a single person more consciously aware of what she's putting in her mouth than you. Are you really going to try & tell me you suddenly had no fucking clue what all that food of his, all that he was trying to feed you? What that was going to do to you?"

[Scoff] "Do you really think I...?! Ech. I can't believe you think- Why would-"

"Girl, it's me. Be honest."

"Okay. Fine… Maybe- maybe on some level, I really just… I dunno… liked all the attention, alright? And just maybe- if he was so willing to let me overindulge a little, I let myself get a little too comfortable before… y’know… starting to wake up to the consequences of… all that."

"Heh. I knew it! See? You aren't that gullible.”

“Okay- but like…”

“But, hun! There's nothing wrong with that. Seriously. I’m being for real right now. Indulge a little!"

"Yeah well, ‘all in moderation.’ At first, I thought if I, y'know, relaxed a little, be happy? Gave myself certain allowances, & let things go for a bit? It wouldn't be the end of the world. Nothing too crazy to bounce back from. But he was just getting so relentless! And well- now I know why. It kind of puts things in a slightly different perspective."

"It became a matter of too much, too fast, & you started feeling overwhelmed?"

"Heh, yeah. Just a bit."

“Well I mean- with this new information... is this ultimately a dealbreaker for you two? For you?”

"It wouldn’t be for you?”

“What?! Are you kidding me?”

“You’re sincerely telling me that you’d let a guy fatten you up like some kind of county fair heifer?”

“If I was head over heels for the guy, & he made me happy, I mean… I’d certainly consider it!”

“Wow…”

“Think about it! Finding a someone that only wants to spoil you? Pamper you? Ply you with treats & tell you that you don’t have to bust your ass working out at the gym any more if you don’t want to…? And still think you’re pretty?! That’s like… Do you know how many women would kill for that kind of an arrangement? I mean at first, I was going to ask you if he has any likeminded friends…”

“Hardy har-har”

“I wasn- I’m not-“

“Well I- I still haven't texted him. Not since the other night. It's- it's just a lot to process..."

"’Kay. Well- I'm here as a sounding board. If you want."

"Nah, I've already dumped enough on you, it's-"

"And just what do you think friends are for, dipshit?"

[Ech] “Fine. Before the other night? IWAS really starting to think he might be the one, y'know? Like that's where I was at, after a lot of strong, strong consideration already. In fact, for a second there, I was genuinely thinking about how I really had to slow down & watch my figure, thinking I might start to turn him off."

"Well there you go! Pressure's off!"

"It's not funny. I mean, I was really- thinking seriously. About him- being the one for me. But now...? With this?"

“Sure. It’s a little odd. But if you’re that happy-“

"Well, for one, & this probably sounds pretty goofy, but now I feel- like I'm suddenly unattractive to him? Like to compliment me all the time, but it just got into my head. Like- what if the total inverse of this, if he were your standard dude, & I was like a girlfriend that suddenly put on a bunch of weight? The idea that he feels like he has to change me? Something about it makes me feel- I don't know, a bit- inadequate, I guess?"

"Okay, but you said so yourself, the process is part of it for him, right? Devil's advocate here, but he did start seeing you the way you are- er… well, give or take that dozen or so pounds you're upset about. It sounds more like he sees you as attractive now, & is looking to make you even more attractive in his eyes, you know? Otherwise, he'd probably just go for someone bigger in the first place."

"Yeah, I guess- I guess that makes sense. I mean, I'm still neurotic enough to feel pretty weird about it, but you're probably right.”

"See, I know you’re utterly horrified about the prospect of thickening up, but in all honesty here, you also seemed the happiest you’ve been. In like forever.”

“I am! Er- was. I mean…… I don’t even know what I mean any more. So like- say he & I do stay together, but I start working out even harder & never put on another pound. Am I stringing him along then? Letting him down?”

“I mean probably. If anything, I think you two would just need to set up some very clear boundaries & expectations with one another. Y’know, the way most healthy relationships do. Communicate? Then again, call me crazy here, what if you just like- relaxed? Let the chips fall where they may?"

"And what?! Just let it happen? Get fat?!”

“I know, I know. But you even said yourself how much you liked the attention. I know you- with your little princess complex too. You just love to be pampered!”

[Ech] “I- I do not have a pr-“ 

“What? C’mon! Sure you do! And just imagine going back to Bella Verde, but this time? None of those same hang-ups to hold yourself back. ANY thing your heart desires. Just be able to fully cut loose? Get whatever you want? Oooh. Seconds even?”

“You’re insane.” 

“And you’re insane if you’re telling me that wouldn’t be amazing. AND, you’re giving him exactly what he wants & making him happy in the process…”

“But I’ll…”

“Pack on a few pounds? Literally, who the hell else cares? Nobody, that’s who.”

“They’ll talk about me at the office. I think they already have been-”

“Girl, you despise those dorks, remember? Who in the actual fuck cares what they think? You’re whining about a few extra pounds now, but I mean it when I say it: you’ve never looked better. And if he’s happy? And you’re able to finally cut loose & enjoy yourself for once? I say, so be it!”

“Okay wiseass, but what if something happens & we break things off & I’m left, re-entering the market as a complete landwhale? I mean look at me! I’m already spilling out of everything I own! Everything’s tight-”

“I think if we’ve established anything with all of this, there seems to be some kind of market for landwhales, hun. No worries, & if not, well… I dunno. There’s GLP-1’s I’m sure you can hop on. As for that wardrobe of yours? I think you just need to force him to take you shopping. Er- Us shopping. I want to come too. Every time your fat ass moves a size up! After all, it’s all his fault anyhow!”

”Oh- my god! Ease up on the ‘fat ass’ stuff. Ech. How are you like- so on board with him trying to make me swell up like a tick?”

“Well- Because frankly? The more I think about this whole situation with you two? The more I kind of find the whole thing pretty adorable.”

[Tck] “Honestly? You would.”

"Are you kidding? Think about all the men that bitch about their wives putting on weight after they get married…”

“Whoa, whoa… married…?”

“In your case, you two will only grow closer & closer together!”

“Probably because I’ll be taking up more & more of the couch…

“Oh gawd, you're going to make such a cute fat-wife! Lounging all day, watching your stories, as he showers you with all the chocolate bon-bons you can eat?"

“Wouldja stop?!"

"Wait! You're laughing! And turning really red. Beet red!" [Gasp] "Hold up! Deep down, you DO like the idea, don't you?!"

"I- maybe- okay- SLOWLY? Perhaps I’m coming around to like- the idea of the Goddess treatment, or whatever...”

“Yes, your whole princess complex thing, we know.”

“It’s not a princess compl- Whatever! Can you just give me a second? I'm going to text him."

|||

Putting the notes at the bottom because I liked the continuity of the title carrying into the conversation. Started earlier in the year, from that point back in the Winter & Spring when it was much easier for me to write when no one was looking than draw. But I didn’t get a chance to finish it up until now. It stems from being forced to share a space, & overhear coworkers generally complaining about their partners’ bad eating habits rubbing off on them while getting ready for summer & going to the beach. And it wasn't as interesting as you'd think, but simply being privy to a conversation between two catty colleagues, as a concept, felt like a good jumping off point for a piece of fiction. And as an experiment, I decided to try to tell it all purely through the dialogue itself only, even if it all firmly crashes & burns on the Bechdel test.

While I’ve always been attracted to more femme-presenting subjects, I’ve been making a concerted effort to pull references of gender out of more of my writing, but here, it kind of felt like I needed to keep it among two fairly bratty types. But also, I feel like you could vicariously interpret it from the perspective of the guy being talked about, or possibly the friend.

Speaking of vicariousness, on the very first pass, I was trying to make the friend seem lowkey jealous & attempting to be oblivious & wholly new to a concept like this when clearly she was very much envious of it. In that, "you're telling me I don't have to workout AND can eat whatever I want?" lazy girl sort of way. But the more I wrote, I liked settling for more of a playful teasing where she seems half joke-y/half serious. But I guess if you wanted to, you could also maybe paint her as devious & looking for a ‘fat friend’ if you wanted to make her seem evil & mean. I think leaving it to just be dialogue lets you really interpret more of the tone how you want to imagine it, & there’s no ‘right way’ to go about it, just the one you like the best.