Peace.

I cannot make a scream filled with enough  agonising horror to justify the past 10 years of my life.

If I were to cry until every of molecule of fluid has left my body, it would not relieve me of the sorrow I carry

I cannot tell you I'm thankful for the wisdom my sickness has bought, it would be like thanking a rapist for making you good at sex.

I can tell you my outer shell has hardened. If all you've known is torture you can stare into your captors eyes and meekly smile as he tightens the thumb screws.

I can tell you that I do not fear death, I've walked hand in hand with it for so long i sometimes I wander if I'm immune to it.

I can tell you I'm not alone. We who have fallen through the cracks in the floor boards exist everywhere and the wolrd is such that with the right conditions, the right circumstances could birth a catalyst meaning any one of you could be next.

I am not a person who is sick I am a symptom of the pathology of human kind. I am the byproduct of a burning planet in tears. We are disgusting. The contempt I feel for our species leaves me feeling like I've swallowed mouth fulls of bile.
If the earth were a giant ball of skin we would appear on it like a melanoma,  mutating and eating everything.

I caught myself watching a video of the hindenburg crashing and burning and it bought me a sense of peace. A technical marvel of man humbled and embarrassed by the elements. We hold all the arrogance of God's in fragile bodies of Chinaware. We contradict our selves at every turn. The nobel peace prize is named after the man who invented dynamite. I sometimes think we deserve no less than extinction, and yet I will fight until my very last breath to encourage the good I see in people. I know that good exists because it eminates from us. I taste glimpses of it in comradory, by the nourishment of a mother holding a newborn, as it's tiny hands grips round her thumb. Our capacity for love is infinite.

I find our potential so bittetsweet because our brilliance will also be our death sentence without enough moral fortitude.

Why do we willfully hand positions of such destructive power to the morally inept?
Why do we make the selection process a soap opera?

Why do we harness our creativity to create weapons with enough power to shake the earth from its axis in the name of defense?

Why would a race to construct such mechanical monsters be cloaked and disgused in the name of peace?

We built a system of trade based on monetary exchange and inspired a belief in it that runs so deep that at any given moment in time someone is dying at its hands. How can we be so brillaint, so clever yet so painfully stupid?

I desperately crave to be proven wrong. I fear we are rats being led to a watery grave by sound of the pipers flute.

More so than the choice to be better, we must dedonstruct and reconstruct our entire value system from the foundations up.

This is our duty, for the gift of life we have been bestowed.

I love you.

I love us.