Harry Potter: I Get Stronger by Taking Loans - 186

Chapter 186: Another Year of Defence Against the Dark Arts, Lockhart’s Plan

Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.

Dressed in a pale gold robe and covered in medals pinned across his chest, Gilderoy Lockhart stood at the front, holding up a copy of one of his books and pointing at the photograph on the cover. The man in the photo smiled in perfect sync with the man on the podium.

“Although this is my first lesson with you, I’m sure you already know who I am,” Lockhart said, beaming. “Out of respect for teaching, I’ll do a proper introduction. Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, five-time winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award…”

He gave a light chuckle, as if sharing a private joke with the room. “Of course, a charming smile won’t drive off a werewolf.”

Lockhart looked ready to continue listing “his” accomplishments, but the moment his gaze landed on Leonardo, a twitch of unease flashed through him for no reason he could name. He cleared his throat quickly. “Ahem. We’ll begin with a little start-of-term quiz. Don’t worry, it’s only to see whether you’ve done any reading ahead.”

Unlike other professors who might send parchment floating neatly to each desk, Lockhart handed the papers out one by one himself. The simple act somehow drew soft squeals from a few of his admirers, as if he’d personally blessed them with his presence.

Leonardo took the paper and began to write. If anyone looked closely enough, though, they would notice it was the quill that was doing most of the work, guiding his hand across the page with suspicious confidence.

It was one of Leonardo’s own inventions: a reading-and-answering quill. Once fed knowledge, it could produce answers automatically, though only for things like multiple choice and fill-in-the-blank. Still, it was more than enough for Lockhart’s “quiz”, because the questions were things like:

“What is Gilderoy Lockhart’s favourite flower?”
“Which adventure was the key to Gilderoy Lockhart receiving the Order of Merlin?”

All of it could be found word for word in Lockhart’s so-called autobiographies. To be fair, the adventure stories in those books were thrilling, and the measures for dealing with Dark creatures did have reference value. The original owners of those experiences had really lived them, after all, even if Lockhart had stolen them straight out of their minds.

The problem was that Lockhart stuffed in far too much nonsense of his own. Who cared what Christmas present he wanted? Leonardo had no desire to cram that sort of rubbish into his head.

Before long, the self-answering quill completed the entire absurd, infuriating paper for him.

Once the quizzes were collected, Lockhart began marking them on the spot. To his surprise, the only perfect score belonged to Leonardo Grafton.

Lockhart hesitated, the thought blooming in his mind with dangerous optimism. Could it be that Grafton was actually a devoted admirer, only shy and introverted, which was why he acted so aloof and hard to approach?

When Lockhart announced the results, he awarded Ravenclaw ten points.

After the Cornish pixie disaster in his previous class, Lockhart did not bring any “hands-on” creature demonstrations this time, not even a harmless one. He simply could not manage them.

“Defence Against the Dark Arts is a profoundly deep subject,” Lockhart proclaimed. “Theory matters, of course, but practice is equally indispensable…”

Some students, who had not heard the full details of his earlier fiasco, immediately looked hopeful. Last year with Quirrell had been nothing but listening to the textbook until their ears bled, and after an entire year, they had not even learned one proper technique for defending themselves against Dark magic. Perhaps this year would finally be different, with a professor who supposedly had real experience.

“So, I will personally describe my experiences dealing with Dark creatures,” Lockhart continued. “I may be an author, but words on a page can never match the vivid truth of spoken narrative. Now, on my trip to Tibet, the barbarism and stupidity of the Yeti…”

The hopeful students almost choked. This was not what they had meant by practice.

A handful of Lockhart fans, however, listened with shining eyes. Lockhart was certainly more entertaining than Quirrell reading aloud, and his stories were far more interesting than the textbook.

As he spoke, Lockhart’s enthusiasm rose higher and higher. “Would any student like to join me and reenact that adventure? I believe it will give everyone a unique learning experience!”

By chance, he saw Leonardo with his head lowered. Lockhart decided to call on this “introverted” student and allow him the honour of being close to his idol.

“Mr Grafton,” Lockhart said brightly, “would you like to come up and play the Yeti? The duel on the snowy peak.”

Leonardo looked up and smiled at him. “Sir, there’s no need to make it that complicated. If it’s a Yeti you need, I can conjure one for you.”

As he spoke, Leonardo drew his wand, and a faint glow gathered at its tip.

Lockhart’s heart lurched, a sudden chill crawling up his spine. He lifted a hand at once, voice too quick.

“Oh, no. No. We won’t be using wands in my classroom. That, that isn’t elegant.”

What Lockhart really feared was simple. Second-years could not cast anything truly devastating, but if a spell accidentally hit his handsome face and ruined the impression, that would be unforgivable.

He hurriedly chose a different student instead and forced the class through an awkward little performance that felt more like a bad school play than a lesson.

When the bell rang, Lockhart praised the student he’d dragged into it, offering encouragement in an almost syrupy tone. Then he assigned homework with a flourish.

“For homework, write a reflection on my heroic defeat of the Yeti,” Lockhart announced. “The best piece of work will receive a signed copy of Magical Me.”

And with that, he dismissed them and returned to the office next door.

He spent several minutes gazing into the mirror, adjusting his hair, collar, and cuffs from every angle. He practised his signature smile a few times, then nodded in satisfaction.

“Another perfect lesson.”

Lockhart didn’t notice that a perfectly ordinary robin had appeared atop the wardrobe at some point. Its glossy black eyes held a painfully human sort of disbelief.

So he’s even more obsessed with himself in private. Leonardo, transformed into a robin, thought sourly, nearly bored stiff from the wait.

Only after Lockhart brewed himself a cup of black tea did he sit at his desk and pull a faded diary from a locked drawer.

The instant the diary appeared, a sharp glint flashed in the robin’s eyes.

Lockhart took up an enormous peacock-feather quill and began writing, pausing and continuing in fits. He muttered to himself as he went.

“So there’s a Chamber of Secrets in the school, with a monster inside…”
“Oh, so the monster can be controlled…”
“Exactly. Control the monster, create an incident, spread panic, and then Lockhart will arrive as the hero to drive it away!”
“Yes, yes. A real adventure, witnessed by all. Saving a group of young witches and wizards, saving the future of the wizarding world. Oh, this might even earn me another Order of Merlin. Third Class is far too low…”

Perched silently above the wardrobe, the robin listened to Lockhart’s plan without making a sound.