A Storm's Lullaby Page 148
Added 2021-03-25 09:18:52 +0000 UTCSo we're back to this scene, re-written and updated! I hope this scene feels more believable whilst it still shows Lulu's insecurity and guilt.
Rusty sitting heavily in Panel 3 was added to show early on why exactly he needs to talk her into following him instead of using force.
What do you think? Let me know ^^
Comments
Glad to hear that and thanks for your help :-) Edit: dialogue restored!
2021-03-25 22:57:42 +0000 UTCOh naive little Lulu ... Those two "calmly" talking still rubs me the wrong way a little, but within the confines of the setup this new version is infinitely better than the first iteration. There's one piece of his dialogue in the original page that I found rather smart, which I think could make this even better. The part where he said Thistle wanted her to go home - to meet Rusty. I think that bit would fit nicely if you added it at the end of panel 3. It'd make a stronger connection between going with Rusty and obeying Thistle. Anyway, exited to see where this going.
2021-03-25 21:48:51 +0000 UTCIndeed, Fireweed can't really protect his own arse at the moment ^^'
2021-03-25 18:07:45 +0000 UTCThanks, Charles! I'm glad I was able to make it better and keep some of those Lulu drawings, too ^^ It was a group effort :D
2021-03-25 18:07:19 +0000 UTCI think you were right, dSana, this version is actually much better. Both of their reactions seem to fit better, and the dialogue in the last pane seems to fit the scene more accurately. I'm glad you were able to re-purpose the page, because there is simply too much Lullaby goodness for it to be retracted.
2021-03-25 12:57:57 +0000 UTCit's bad we have one more idea that was not there before Rust tries to manipulate it by making it easier for him by letting him choose and telling him that he is only the messenger. it reinforces its handling. on the other hand when he says that Fireweed is going to protect Thistle, on Saturday it was quite the opposite he was rather cried like a big baby. which makes the transition between the two scenes very funny.
Lux The Pegasus
2021-03-25 09:57:03 +0000 UTC
