Depressed
Added 2020-11-24 08:46:10 +0000 UTCLately I've felt less productive, less drawn in by my work. I'll admit that a big part of why I work on this project, and why I've kept it up since 2014, is because it serves as an escape from the reality around myself that I don't fit into. Cliche artist mumbo-jumbo I know, but I've always felt alone and alienated and those feelings have expounded recently in life.
While many know and support my work online, in the real world nobody cares, nobody relates or respects it, and sure one could tell themselves not to worry about what others think, however, when it's a job you spend the majority of your hours in, around those you can't relate or identify with, work you don't care about; it will affect you. I come home infuriated, not with anybody or anything in particular, but from discontent and how that over rides the state of mind I require in order to animate. I could take a break from the project, but then I can't escape the disatifying life I exist in.
Everyday I'm putting on a mask and playing pretend and it's wearing me thin. I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess the short version is: I'm very depressed. Like, not sad, but very depressed and alone.
Anyway, just needed to vent because I don't have much else. As for the current shot I'm working on, I'm not happy with it so I'm starting again, I'll post a proper thumbnail tomorrow. I have meetings at my job all week so I won't have much to post until next week unfortunately.
Comments
It definitely means a lot, Austin. Maybe one day I'll be at a post-pandemic convention and we can shoot the shit.
Mitchell Hammond
2020-11-26 11:11:21 +0000 UTCThanks for the perspective, Jourdan. Reading your words and everyone here has made me feel a little less lonely.
Mitchell Hammond
2020-11-26 11:10:16 +0000 UTCI hear what you are saying, its hard to put so much effort into something but it not be validated in "reality" or a day to day basis in person. I would tell you 100% if there was no Pandemic, I would wait in line to meet and speak to you about this project at some convention. I know that might not mean much but I hope the thought gets through. Do what you can to work on this project in a way that your feel validated friend. Thank you for your hard work!
Austin W
2020-11-25 19:24:26 +0000 UTCYou're always welcome to vent on your own patreon. You're human just like the rest of us and those kinds of feelings aren't healthy to keep bottled up. So if you need to let us know that things aren't going great in your life, no one will judge you for that. We're here to support not just your work, but the person behind the art as well. Hang in there friend and try and take things a day at a time and at your own pace. It does get better even if it feels like it takes an eternity to get there sometimes.
Heilos
2020-11-25 06:20:49 +0000 UTC
