Photo of Niab Montgomery

Less is more except when more is more.
Experimenting with photography has been great. I don't particularly like taking photos of other people but it is also significantly easier than taking photos of myself and a way to improve my abilities. I mostly do photography now to make photos of myself I to express myself or share something I don't trust with others. Sometimes when I model with friends I think they understand but we all think on different wave lengths. Sometimes it's easier to do everything by myself. But I still have a long way to go before I feel like my photography illustrates what's in my mind. It has been a good way to improve modeling. I learn from watching others or practicing how I look to different lenses and angles. I got do angry with my weight gain because not only did my favorite clothes no longer fit, but I also felt like I had to re-learn all of this with my new body. My curves are different. Lighting hits my body differently. I find myself focusing harder during shoots instead of finding my flow. I'm still so upset with the changes because I can't seem to get use to my body before it changes again. I have no control over how it looks since it is effected so much by my medications and health.
It's weird not to have control over something so attached to me. I control the muscles and movements, which is what I do in modeling, but not it's appearance.
When I first began self portraits, I hoped I could learn to always control how I appeared on camera. Sometimes I still have that ambition but mostly I've learned that I don't get a choice in how others see me. So self portraits have turned into an exploration of how do I see myself and where I fit in.
I really don't know. It keeps me up at night worrying that I'm not going in the right direction in life.