Alice in the Desert

I can relate to Alice from Alice in Wonderland (or is it Alice and Wonderland?). The idea that I've been so many different people and identities in a day. I woke up this morning different from who I am now. I've impressed myself. I'm proud of myself. And I've been feeling good today, but I didn't wake up expecting to think I've done well. While I'm so ready to get some sleep, I wanted to take the time to reflect on my thoughts. I want to appreciate how well today went and this year. Nothing has been stable. I've had so many mental ups and downs. I didn't let those hiccups get in my way. I'm not always sure whether I'm building muscle or to do it on a broken leg. The sage advice is fake it until you make it but it is more important to value yourself even when you don't feel like you deserve it. That's resilience. Picking yourself up, even when you feel your weakest. Somehow I always had the ability, but I needed to believe I could build the muscle. When I need someone to appreciate me because I can't in the moment, the irony is that that someone needs to be me. Against my feelings I have to do it. I say this now that I am so much more healthy than I was even a few years ago. This isn't a concept I could've reached without all the medication and therapy. If someone out there is struggling with this, I hope maybe my success can give your some encouragement. Or maybe at least the account of my trials might give you some ideas on facing your own.
This sounds like a lot of rambling probably. I'm so tired. I want to write more and luckbe more active, but I'm so tired. Recently discovered that my medication might make me unnaturally sleepy. Working on switching from SSRIs to SNRIs. Wish me luck. I really hope this works.