Why am I so afraid to say it...

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Part 1

'Jeez... never thought I'd be doing something like this... let alone this often,' Jake muttered, barely containing his frustration as he twisted uncomfortably, holding a razor and trying to carefully shave the last few hairs from the area between his legs. His muscles ached, and his back began to throb from being bent over for so long. He let out a sharp breath, put his leg back down on the floor, and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

— Damn it... — Jake sighed, tilting his head back and staring up at the ceiling. He still couldn’t get used to these new sensations. His body felt foreign, even though it had been like this for a while now. Every morning, he woke up hoping it had just been another nightmare, but everything stayed the same.

'Damn wish,' he thought, remembering that night when he had been alone and, for some reason, decided to say out loud what he had only occasionally thought about.

— Hey, gorgeous, haha, how’s it going? — came Stephanie’s voice unexpectedly. She had become a frequent visitor to his apartment again, though now in a very different role.

…

That evening, he hadn’t known why he did it—maybe to test his courage, to see if he could admit it not just to himself, but say it out loud. He had been scared of it, always without fully understanding why. He smirked inwardly and slowly opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

'This is harder than I thought...' he mused with a small smile, though it only strengthened his resolve. 'Come on, I’m alone here. What’s the big deal? Why is it so scary to say?' Growing more frustrated, he started to speak.

— I’d like to be... a woman... for a week... or maybe two — he whispered quietly. Jake froze, as if expecting something to change right then and there, as if the universe itself was about to respond to his bold wish. But everything remained still. Only the hum of his computer and the distant noise of the street outside filled the silence.

A smile spread across his face.

— No, I should’ve said it louder. Why am I so afraid to say it... though yeah, talking to myself is kind of dumb — he laughed, loudly and boisterously, and said again — Well then... I’d like to be a woman for a week! Maybe even two! — Jake shouted the words, almost defiantly, as if trying to banish the fear that still lurked somewhere deep inside. His laughter echoed in the empty room, and he almost heard a voice answering him, fully aware that it was just his own imagination.

— Fine, it’s a deal — he replied to himself, oddly not feeling any fear, understanding perfectly well that it was all just a game of his mind, and he nervously chuckled.

That evening, he went about his usual activities, trying not to dwell on what had happened. But even during his routine tasks, thoughts of that strange wish wouldn’t leave him, and he felt the need to repeat it again and again, to... stop being afraid?

Each time he voiced the wish—whether as a joke or with a nervous laugh—something inside him shifted. The thought of being a woman didn’t scare him as much anymore. It no longer seemed so frightening, and he was even glad about that. 'Damn, why was I always afraid to admit that it’s just fear?' Jake pondered, staring at his reflection in the mirror. Everything now felt different. A change had taken place in his mind. What had started as an awkward desire, hidden behind walls of fear and self-judgment, now seemed less threatening. Each time he voiced his wish, that fear weakened, dissolving more and more.

It no longer felt like something forbidden, like some kind of taboo. 'What’s so wrong with just admitting what I want?' he asked himself, feeling a sense of lightness from the realization. And every time he said it out loud, he had the sense that "tomorrow" something would happen, even though he knew it was all nonsense.

…

Part 2

Jake slept easily, peacefully, despite all his recent thoughts and doubts. He felt the tension slowly fade away, and sleep enveloped him gently and naturally.

…

Upon waking the next morning, Jake immediately knew something was off. His body felt different, lighter, as if all the tension had melted away overnight. He stretched, and when his hand accidentally brushed against his body, he froze. It was... strangely soft. His heart stopped for a moment, then started racing. Jake slowly opened his eyes and looked around.

'No, this can't be...' flashed through his mind as he sat up and looked down at his body.

What he saw was exactly what he had expected—and feared. His body was female. He raised a hand and ran it over his face, feeling the softer features and hair cascading down his shoulders. Every movement was smooth and somehow natural, yet it all still felt unreal.

He jumped out of bed, rushed to the mirror, and froze when he saw the reflection of a woman—slender, with delicate features and long hair. It was him, but in a woman’s body. His wish, the one he had repeated over and over, to which he had nearly stopped paying attention, had somehow become reality.

— No... this is impossible... — Jake whispered, touching his face, his neck, his hips. It was real, but how?

Each touch felt familiar and yet completely foreign. He started to panic, trying to find an explanation. Mentally, he cycled through every possibility: maybe it was a dream? Or maybe he was just losing his mind? But his sensations were too vivid, too real.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down, but the panic inside him only grew. All this time, he had thought it was just a game of imagination, a wish that could never come true. And now, here it was, right in front of him. His own words, spoken with such certainty and defiance, had somehow manifested into reality.

Jake moved closer to the mirror, inspecting his new body carefully. He tried to relax, focusing on what had only seemed terrifying and impossible the day before. Now that it was real, he suddenly realized that instead of fear, he felt a strange curiosity.

— Well, there you go, — he said to his reflection, — this is what you wanted. Now you're in this body. So, what now?

Trying to calm himself, Jake began to examine his reflection more closely, as if trying to get used to his new appearance.

'It’s only for a week or two...' he reminded himself, realizing that now he would have to confront what had been hiding behind his wish.

...

Part 3

Several months had passed since Jake found himself in a new body. The first week had been utter chaos—constant attempts to adjust to new sensations, along with the persistent panic that the situation wasn’t going to fix itself. The second week brought acceptance. Jake kept telling himself it was temporary, but by the third week, his patience was wearing thin.

— Why is it still like this? — he muttered, sipping coffee by the window of his apartment, nervously twirling a strand of his long hair. There were no answers. It all felt like some cruel joke from the universe, with no way out. He realized that sooner or later, he’d have to deal with his documents, credit cards, and... his new lifestyle.

The only person he could turn to for help was his ex-girlfriend, Stephanie. She was the only one who had known about his secret desires, once met with a smirk and good-natured teasing. Now, she was the only one standing by him.

— Hey, gorgeous, haha, how’s it going? — came Stephanie’s voice unexpectedly. She had become a frequent visitor to his apartment again, though now in a very different role. — Oh, I see someone’s doing their homework, — Stephanie tilted her head with a grin, watching Jake as he fiddled with a razor.

Jake glanced up, sighed nervously, but continued with his task. His long hair kept falling into his face, and he absentmindedly brushed it back. He hated this hair and everything he now had to do to maintain it. As soon as Stephanie stepped into the bathroom, he knew the evening was about to get complicated.

— You said yourself that shaving your legs is a regular thing, — he mumbled, standing in an awkward position.

— Well yeah, otherwise your "new legs" won’t stay so smooth, — Stephanie giggled, not hiding her irony. — Who knows, you might need to wear a short skirt.

— Very funny, — Jake pressed his lips together, feeling irritation rise inside him. — You know this isn’t permanent...

— Not permanent? — Stephanie raised an eyebrow mockingly, looking at his legs. — Jake, you’ve been in this body for months now. First it was weeks, now months. So, better get used to it, honey.

He put the razor down and leaned on the sink, feeling the tension pulling at his back. Every time Stephanie came over, it turned into this endless game of teasing and sarcasm. And though he knew she was just having fun, it was becoming harder and harder for Jake to keep his cool.

— Steph, this is temporary, — he repeated more confidently, hoping to save a bit of face. — I’ll find a way out. I’m not going to stay... like this, — he gestured to his reflection in the mirror, at the slim figure in a black bodysuit, which, despite its attractiveness, still felt foreign to him.

Stephanie laughed, shifting her bag to her other shoulder and shaking her head.

— Ah, right. You’re still waiting for this to magically go away one day? — She stepped closer, her voice becoming softer, though still laced with sarcasm. — Listen, Jake. Maybe this isn’t temporary at all. Maybe you were always like this, you just... couldn’t admit it to yourself. I mean, it’s what you wanted, isn’t it?

— Go to hell! — Jake snapped, his emotions surging up in a wave. He turned sharply toward Stephanie, his face flushed with anger. What had started as irritation had now escalated into full-blown rage. Her constant jabs, the sarcastic comments—everything had been building up for months. And even though he knew she was just messing around, he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Part 4

— Whoa, easy, Jake, — Stephanie raised her eyebrows and took a step back, though the smirk still played in her eyes. — You’re getting really emotional, you know? Just like...

— Don’t you dare say it! — his voice cracked, and he felt his eyes begin to well up. He quickly turned away, not wanting to show any weakness in front of her. Now that his emotions were starting to take over, it was hard to control them.

— You don’t understand... — he said quietly, staring at his reflection in the mirror. The shoulders were too slender, the facial features too delicate, the hair too long—it annoyed him more than anything. 'This isn’t me,' the thought flashed again.

Stephanie took another step closer, her expression softening, but the sarcasm never left. She knew Jake too well, knew exactly where his vulnerabilities lay.

— Come on, you wanted this, remember? Ha-ha, you’re a stunner, — Stephanie grinned, as if it were just another harmless joke, though there was always a bit of truth in her words.

Jake bit his lip, struggling to hold back his frustration. Yes, he had spoken the wish, but not like this, and definitely not for several months.

— Steph, enough, seriously. I can’t live like this. Who am I even? Officially, I don’t exist anymore, — he blurted out, feeling the irritation rise again. — I’m Jake! Or... I was Jake! And now what? This... this woman in the mirror, that’s not me!

Stephanie smirked, but there was a glimmer of something like sympathy in her eyes. She crossed the room unhurriedly and leaned against the sink beside him.

— Hey, Jake, maybe you should find a guy? — Stephanie leaned on the sink, her eyes twinkling with a mix of mockery and something almost serious. — You know, to figure it all out. You’re quite the looker now, — she widened her eyes playfully, giving him a teasing smile.

Jake spun toward her, feeling the anger boiling up inside. That comment was the last straw.

— Steph, are you out of your mind? I’m not looking for any guys! — He threw his hands up, barely resisting the urge to throw something at her.

Stephanie just shrugged, her expression perfectly calm.

— Why not? You’ve got problems with your ID, and you’re still using your old credit cards, — she snorted, pursing her lips playfully as her eyes sparkled with clear amusement. — And, you know, guys can help with that sometimes. Maybe you’ll find a nice one to help you out?

Jake clenched his teeth, refusing to look away from her smiling face. She always knew how to hit him where it hurt the most, and she did it with such grace that getting mad at her seemed pointless. But this time, he was barely holding back the urge to kick her out of the apartment. After all, she’d always been that kind of manipulator, using her "feminine charm" to press Jake when they were together, playing on the whole "a man should" thing. It’s part of the reason they broke up in the first place. Now she occasionally came over to help, but she’d been living with another guy for a while. Of course, Stephanie had her own life—a kid, a teenage daughter who was already in high school. And despite everything, Jake was glad to see her, even though she drove him crazy from time to time.

— You know, Steph, sometimes I think you only come over just to see me like this, — Jake said, nervously brushing his hair out of his face.

— Oh, finally figured it out, huh? — Stephanie exclaimed with mock excitement, laughing loudly. — So, what about a boyfriend, hmm? I’ve got a friend, you know, from the department... he could help you out.

Part 5

Jake froze when he heard Stephanie’s last words. His heart skipped a beat, and he narrowed his eyes in frustration, unsure whether she was joking or actually trying to "help" this time.

— Are you suggesting that I... meet with someone from law enforcement? — Jake asked in disbelief, his voice laced with irritation. He couldn’t believe he was even asking, but the situation with his documents was indeed becoming a problem. But dating a guy?! — Steph, that’s too much!

— Well, yeah! — she responded cheerfully, looking at him as if she had just come up with a brilliant idea. — He’s got connections, he could "update" your documents to match your new status... if he likes you, of course, — she giggled.

Jake stared at Stephanie in stunned silence. Inside, a mix of indignation and confusion began to boil over. 'Go on a date with a guy? Make him like me?!' This was too much. Too fast, too absurd.

— Steph, are you... are you serious? — his voice shook as he tried to mask his confusion with aggression. — You want me to... make some guy like me, so he’ll fix my documents? You’ve lost your mind!

— Oh, calm down, Jake, — Stephanie smiled, as if there was nothing serious about her suggestion. — It’s just a meeting. Come on, look at yourself, — she gestured toward his body, which now looked like something out of a magazine. — You could use your new situation to your advantage. It’s a normal approach. You got yourself into this, now find a way out.

— "Use my new situation"? — Jake took a step back, feeling a shiver run down his spine. Hearing advice like that disgusted him, but at the same time, her words echoed in his mind. He knew he needed to do something about his documents, credit cards, and the day-to-day mess that was his life, which was falling apart. But the idea of having to "make someone like him" to fix it all felt utterly humiliating.

Stephanie, seeing his hesitation, smirked and stepped closer, her tone softening slightly but still carrying that same ironic edge.

— Come on, Jake. You know you’re going to have to face this sooner or later. You’ve been living in this body for months, and honestly, — she looked him over from head to toe, squinting, — you’re handling it pretty well. Even now, when you’re angry, you look... well, pretty attractive, — she winked, smirking.

— Attractive?! — Jake practically yelled, unable to hold back his irritation and rage any longer. — Do you even hear yourself?! I don’t want to be attractive to anyone! And certainly not just to get some documents! I just want to get my life back to normal! — He clenched his fists, feeling that old despair flare up inside him, the one he had buried deep down for so long.

— What if there’s no going back? — Stephanie suddenly said, her tone now serious. The sarcasm had disappeared from her voice, and she looked at Jake with something resembling empathy. But that empathy only infuriated him even more.

Jake closed his eyes, feeling his heart race. That question had haunted him for some time now, creeping into his thoughts late at night when he lay awake, staring at the ceiling. He had asked himself that question a million times, but every time, he dismissed it as soon as reality began to set in. He couldn’t accept that this could be his permanent state.

— I... I’ve thought about that, — he managed, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, but the heaviness wouldn’t go away.

Part 6

Stephanie, seeing that his resistance was starting to crumble, softened her tone slightly. Now, she looked at him not with her usual sarcasm, but with a kind of understanding—as if she had always known this moment would come.

— So, what conclusion have you come to? — she asked gently, though there was a hint of hidden expectation in her voice.

— I... I’ve thought about it, — his voice was barely audible, trembling, as if each word had to be forced out. — But... I can’t accept it. I don’t want to...

Stephanie quietly stepped closer, her sarcastic smirk gone, replaced by an unexpected seriousness. She gently reached out and touched his shoulder, then suddenly pulled him into a tight hug. Jake froze for a moment, wanting to push her away, but then he felt something inside him finally break. His body relaxed in her embrace, and he felt tears streaming down his cheeks.

— Hey... It’s going to be okay, — Stephanie said softly, stroking his head. Her voice was warmer now, gentler, with no trace of irony. She knew this moment was inevitable. Deep down, she had always seen that Jake didn’t just need teasing; he needed someone who understood his fears and confusion. — You’re not alone, you hear me? I’m here.

Jake squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his teeth to stifle the sobs. He hated showing weakness, hated feeling vulnerable, especially in front of her. But now, at this moment, none of that seemed to matter. He needed just a bit of warmth and support, even from Stephanie, who, despite all her teasing, remained his only connection to his past life.

He held on to her shoulder tighter, letting the tears flow freely. Stephanie gently stroked his back, allowing him to release the pain that had built up.

— You know, you’ve already changed so much, — she whispered softly, barely holding back a smirk but trying to stay serious. — You’re going to get through this. Maybe even faster than you think. You’re still my Jake!

Jake felt a sudden, sharp smack on his butt, and he jerked upright, shocked and confused by her actions.

— Hey! — He looked at her in bewilderment, wiping away his tears.

— That’s my girl! — Stephanie burst out laughing, stepping back with a mischievous grin as she looked him over. — Enough crying. You’ve been in this body long enough, it’s time to get used to it. And if you want to move forward, you’re going to need a new name!

— A name? — Jake frowned, not understanding where she was going with this.

— Well, yeah! How can you keep living in this body and still call yourself Jake? — Stephanie raised her eyebrows and gave him a sly look. — It just... doesn’t fit, you know?

— I’m not changing my name, Steph, that’s just... — he trailed off, realizing that every argument he had was crumbling in his mind.

— Fine, if you can’t come up with one, I’ll do it for you, — Stephanie teased, pretending to think hard about something important. — Hmm... Let’s see... Oh! How about... Jessica? Or Jennifer? Or maybe Lisa?

— You’ve got to be kidding me, — Jake nearly choked on his own disbelief.

— Oh, don’t even try to resist, gorgeous. You’re in this body, so the name needs to match, too. — Stephanie spread her arms theatrically. — Come on, don’t look at me like that. Think of it as one of life’s little puzzles: if you’re named Jenny or Lisa or something, life will get easier!

— Steph, you can’t... — Jake sighed, shaking his head in frustration, but his protests were so weak that Stephanie completely ignored them, too caught up in the name-choosing game. Suddenly, her eyes lit up with excitement.

— It’s settled! I found the perfect name for you! Sophia! — She clapped her hands, as if the decision was final. — And if you don’t start calling yourself that, I will.

Jake couldn’t help but roll his eyes, but instead of arguing, he simply smiled and gave her a look that said, "Thank you."