20 More Torture and Delusion

At some point, he put a blindfold on me.

The lacking sense just made everything else hurt more.

Since the start, Jason told me to count backwards from one thousand, out loud, in increments of seven.

I didn't understand why at first, then I realised he was trying to keep me as sane as possible.

"O-one hu-dred... t-twenty.. five."

So that I'd be aware of every single cut that followed.

I was clinging to every number.

"One h-hundred... ei-ghteen."

Meanwhile, he took my arms, my legs.

Again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯!

Every time, my arms and legs grew back.

Each time was a reminder.

It's never going to end.

Suddenly, all the sound disappears.

I feel a hand rest on my cheek, warm and gentle, completely unlike what I've experienced for I don't even know how long.

I raise my head, shocked and hopeful.

"W-who..?"

The hand moves to my blindfold.

As the cloth falls to the floor, one singular thought comes to my mind.

𝘞𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦.

Everything is white.

The floor extends as far as the eye can see in a sea of pure white flowers.

Never have I wished so desperately to know more about flowers than at this moment, if only so I could properly articulate the beauty of the sight before me.

The only place the flowers are absent is in a ring around myself, where the floor is simply covered in their petals.

But what shocks me most, is who stands before me.

"M-mom?"

My voice, wavering and weak, calls out, too many emotions present to properly interpret.

"B-but.. how?"

She looks exactly the same as she always has.

"It's been a while, Lusia."

Even with my eyes locked onto my mothers, I still see the petals turning red under her feet.

"Wow, you look awful. Been through the ringer huh?"

My mothers tone, so unlike how I remember her catches me off guard enough that I struggle to respond.

"What a laugh."

W-what?

𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬.

She lets out a small giggle even as I continue to stare incomprehensibly.

"Sounds like the master is home."

In a kaleidoscope of colours, the world of flowers collapses and I am once again in the accursed room.

In front of me, I see Jason walking through the door.

He's back.

He's going to hurt me again.

He walks closer.

I don't even have the energy to flinch away anymore.

Instead I just sit there, with my head bowed, crying.

I hate it.

I feel so pathetic, but the tears won't stop.

It just hurts so much.

Heh, Tear's face is full of tears.

"So have you figured out the reason why you're here?"

He speaks, and I can barely hear him over the sound of my heartbeat and my own sobs.

"It's your regenerative abilities. That kind of power doesn't come standard in your run of the mill brute."

The excitement in his voice is palpable. Clearly he is delighted by my ability to survive.

He brings one of his hands up, grasping the forefinger with his thumb.

𝘊𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬.

The sound reverberates in the room that is empty of sound aside from my own shaking and whimpering.

"All thanks to, what does he call himself now? Equaliser?"

Equaliser.

The name is something to focus on other than the numbers.

He's the reason I'm here.

I'll kill him.

Beside me, Jason moves, holding up his hand as if he's presenting a gift.

Between his pinched fingers dangles a bug, writhing and wriggling around, trying to escape his grasp.

My eyes, already blown wide strain to widen even further as he brings it closer to my face.

"Are you familiar with the Chinese red-headed centipede?"

My teeth crack with how hard I'm clenching them, but they are fixed in the next moment.

"Nasty little shit, this."

I swallow, the salty taste of my own tears giving me the smallest measure of comfort.

"I'm going to let it run around in your ear for a little while." He speaks with childish glee.

No.

N-no no no no nonononononono𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘰.

P-please no.

"You don't mind, do you?"

"P-please. P-please no, please, st-stop, I'm begging you! Please! D-don't do it! No! No! Please! S-stop! Don't come near me! STO-"

He doesn't listen.

He never listens.

He doesn't care.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

I 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮.

I feel it crawl through my ear, all the way inside of my skull, to my brain.

I feel it's legs stab into my mind, a hundred hot needles burning, searing, 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯, never ending, constant, 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭 pain.

"AAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHA!!!"

I scream𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩.

It's too much.

I can't take it.

I have to 𝘥𝘰 something.

I have to 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦.

"𝘈𝘏𝘈𝘏𝘈𝘏𝘈𝘈𝘏𝘈𝘏𝘈𝘏𝘈𝘏𝘈!!"

I stomp my feet and jerk back and forth, as much as I can in my binds I just have to 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 to put the burning 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 into something!

"𝘼𝘼𝘼𝙃𝘼𝘼𝙃𝘼𝙃𝘼𝙃𝘼𝘼𝙃𝘼𝙃𝘼𝘼𝘼𝙃𝘼𝙃𝘼𝘼𝙃𝘼𝘼!!!"

Jason laughs with me.

He says something.

I don't hear it.

I 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝙡𝙖𝙪𝙜𝙝.

"YOU WANT TO DIE, DON'T YOU!!"

I do.

"YOU WANT IT ALL TO 𝘌𝘕𝘋!! HAHAHA!!"

I do.

"𝘽𝙀𝙂 𝙈𝙀!! 𝘽𝙀𝙂 𝙈𝙀 𝙏𝙊 𝙆𝙄𝙇𝙇 𝙔𝙊𝙐!!! 𝘽𝙀𝙂 𝙈𝙀 𝙏𝙊 𝘿𝙄𝙀!!"

I do.

"P-p-puh-lease. Puh-lease kill me, please, l-let me d-die."

The world fades away again.

"This really is pathetic, don't you think, Lusia?"

M-mom.

S-save me.

Please.

I'm sorry, please save me.

"What did you really think would happen?"

I don't know.

"You would just go out and fight villains, and nothing would come from it? No one would come for you?"

I don't know.

"Did you just think you could do what you want, recklessly, and no one would do anything about it?"

I 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸.

"You really thought you could just wing it, all alone? That you could ignore the world and just do your own thing, without consequence?"

I'm sorry, mom.

I didn't think.

I didn't think anything like this would happen.

Please.

Save me.

"From what?"

𝘛𝘩𝘶𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘶𝘥.

I'm back in the room.

If it was possible, my eyes would have widened even further.

W-why is this happening?

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?

"All the suffering in the world, stems from a lack of individual ability."

Jason's voice is back to the calm and cultured tone it started at, but all I can focus on is what's in front of me.

"The person who taught me that was a real cunt, but that doesn't make her words any less true. It's an important lesson to learn, you'll see."

His large, strong hand grabs my head, forcing me to look ahead. Not that I could bring myself to look away.

"You know, I've been thinking. I've been going about this the wrong way. Ripping off your digits has been fun and all, but what I really want to rip apart is your 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥."

James and Theo continue to writhe in front of me, bound and gagged with wide eyes and a fearful stare that bores into my own.

I don't know what they see, but they stop wriggling so much and just stare.

"So I devised a little game that should do the trick."

Jason's voice raises with his excitement.

"OHHH YEAH!! A COUPLE OF FRIENDS!! LET'S PLAY!!!"

Even with Jason bellowing behind me, all I can think is a single word.

"H-how?"

Why are they here?

𝘏𝘰𝘸 are they here?

"Haven't you noticed?"

Noticed? Noticed what?

It takes me a moment. Only after looking back at the boys, do I realise.

They recognise me.

My mask.

I don't have my mask.

"What? Did you think I would obey those silly rules? It wasn't hard to track down your friends once we took that little mask of yours off."

I'm s-sorry.

"Now, you're going to pick which one I kill!!"

Heh.

He clearly doesn't know who he's dealing with.

I almost cry, hearing James' muffled voice cry out 'cliché' as he rolls his eyes.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm so, s-so, sorry."

That's all I can do, apologise.

I tune out Jason's boisterous voice.

I just stare my friends in the eyes.

Doing my best to apologise with my eyes.

Jason moves forward and grabs Theo by the throat, lifting him.

I stay silent.

James' tears join my own in diluting my blood that covers the floor.

I can't pick.

I can only let them die.

Theo spares me one last glance even as his face turns purple, and he winks.

𝘚𝘯𝘢𝘱.

He falls to the ground.

A sob leaves my throat but I say nothing.

Jason moves on to James and picks him by the back of his neck.

It's for the best.

My eyes lock onto James.

He understands.

It's better to die, than to join me.

I'm sorry.

Through tear soaked eyes.

He smiles.

𝘚𝘯𝘢𝘱.

The world falls away once more.

It all hurts.

So, so much.

It's just so pointless.

"Your friends. Tell me about them."

I turn to my mom for a moment before I return to staring at the ground.

"They were kind."

"Is that all? Look. That's them over there."

I look up.

I see James, Theo and I.

We're sitting in their flat, it was soon after I moved in.

"What's happening?"

"I just moved in, they liked to play street fighter. It was fun listening to them argue, so I'd sit with them and play Solitaire."

The image moves, James jumping into the air in victory before the room dissolves and a new one takes it's place.

"And what's happening now?"

We're in the flat again, only there is a lot less energy in the air as we watch the news.

The reporter is talking about the death of the villain Clay.

I remember the day vividly.

"I had just killed Clay, they were talking about it on the news. Apparently James' girlfriend was killed in the collateral of one of Clay's fights. James was happy. I felt happy for him."

She scoffs at me, drawing my eyes to her mocking look.

"And look where that got you."

The scene changes again.

We're walking into a mostly empty room.

"And this?" She asks.

"The day I got my own flat. They came over and we played poker until late. It was fun."

I focus on the image for a moment, just losing myself to the delusion.

It shows the time I cheated to give both Theo and myself a royal flush, while James had nothing.

That was when they stopped letting me deal.

I find myself smiling, only for my dear mother to evaporate my good mood.

"Not as fun as the activities that followed though, not to mention how pointless it all is."

It takes me a moment to remember what she's talking about before I realise that I went out that same night and killed Matchstick.

"Pointless?" I echo.

"Well, where are they now? You spent all this time building up a bond only for it to be torn to pieces in a moments effort by a single madman. If that's not pointless, then what is?"

"They were fun. I was happy."

"Were you? Were you happier with pointless 'friendship' or when you were playing the 'game'?"

My argument dies on my lips as soon as it is formed.

I want to disagree, to say she's wrong.

But the truth is that I have never felt more alive than when I am playing the game. I have never felt happier than in those moments.

Then again, that's what got me into this mess in the first place.

"But aren't games boring without the threat of loss?"

It's true, I wouldn't find it so fun if there was no threat.

"Besides, haven't you always said that you just want to have fun? I seem to remember you saying that a life you don't enjoy isn't a life worth living."

I can't disagree with what she's saying. I have always only wanted to have fun, so I opt to remain silent.

"So why are you not having fun right now? Why are you acting so pathetic?"

A burst of anger spurs my sarcastic response.

"Oh I don't know, maybe the constant torture has something to do with it?"

A scoff is all I get in return.

"Love and hate, pain and pleasure. They're all just two sides of the same coin. 𝘗𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 and 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨. Love can easily be twisted into hate just the same as hate can easily become love. Why can't the same apply to other things? All you have to do, is see the humour in the situation."

That's stupid, but to escape the pain, I am willing to try stupid.

"Think about it. Why are you here? Because some unknown cape asked you to let them use their powers on you, and you agreed. Isn't that funny?"

It is, if only a little.

"And all the suffering you have been through, all that torture. All because you thought 'what could go wrong'."

Heh.

"Don't you see? Everything is just one big joke. Nothing in this world matters, so stop wasting time moping around, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧."

Ha.

Haha.

Hahahaha.

Thank you.

My eyes drift close a smile takes over my lips.

I get it now.