[I am a Table] Chapter 30

Lena barely paid attention to the business of selling cabbages the following day. Blorbo saw before his very own eyes that she gave one customer four cabbages for the price of one by just absent-mindedly shoved them all into his giant bag. That weasel didn’t even try to point out the mistake, and to Blorbo’s fury, just slipped away as soon as he nabbed the fourth cabbage.

However, the moment the robed mage with the billowing shroud cloak appeared from afar, she jolted like a wound-up clock. 

“Ah, yes,” the robed figure said, “It is ze time for ze art of zee ancients.”

Lena stood up straighter, trying to look as serious as possible. “Yes, yes, teach me the secret arts of business liquidity!”

“Ahah!” He opened his arms. “But we must not learn here. Ze magic is ze art of ze discreet. Let us find a suitable location.”

Hey! Whatever that location is, bring me along. Find a reason to bring me along! Maybe he’ll accidentally cast an aura on me that’s half-useful.

“Sure! Let me tidy up and we can get going,” Lena replied. And with a hurried swoop like Blorbo had never seen before, she lunged everything into a cart she’d set up at a perfect angle.

[-1 HP]

ACK!

[Health Point deducted: You’ve been manhandled by a woman]

Shut up and tell me what I didn’t know!

Then, another status notification popped up.

[The average star is between 1 and 10 billion years old, although some stars are older than this.]

What?

[Large stars live shorter lives compared to smaller stars, because large stars burn through their fuel much faster.]

Stop! I don’t need to know this.

[Giant stars explode into a bright supernova when they die.]

The table sighed internally. No point reasoning with this stupid system.

“We must be careful where we go,” he said with exaggerated secrecy as Lena pushed the cart along. “Business liquidity magic is not to be practiced in the open. It is dangerous and ancient and dangerous. Only in a place of... privacy... can it truly take hold. Did I say it is dangerous?”

If one truly wanted secrecy, they would NOT wear four gloves on one hand and none on the other.

They arrived at a run-down, nearly forgotten building hidden on the outskirts of town. The windows were boarded up, and the door was an old and cobweby piece of warped wood that seemed to have been painted over so many times that it barely resembled its original form. A rusty sign hung crookedly beside the door with the word Liquidity carved in faded letters. Nonetheless, the door was locked, and the lock seemed oddly new.

Hardly secretive if you paint the bloody name on the sign!

“Step aside,” the mage gestured grandly at the door. “For I have to destroy this piece of wood.”

“Is this your house?” Lena asked. The mage didn’t answer, just broke into the house instead. He wriggled his gloved pointing finger around and the lock magically flew into the sky, never to be seen again. Lena gasped in excitement.

They came in. The inside was more spacious and cleaner than Blorbo had expected, save for a thin line of dust on the surface of the furniture. The walls were covered in faded diagrams of abstract symbols and incomprehensible mathematical equations, as well as a doodle of a donkey kissing a giant dragon in a corner.

As Blorbo was looking around, a quest popped up.

[QUEST: Solve the Equation]

Objective: Solve the math equations.

Reward: + 7 EXP for each equation solved.

Prerequisite: None.

Failure: Only dumb people fail.

Accept: YES/NO

Solve what? Do I look like a mathematician to you? I am not depressed and I have a social life.

He promptly clicked No. But before he was able to choose No, the system glitched and overrode that Quest with another one.

[QUEST: Expel the Dragon Queen]

Objective: Send the Dragon Queen to the Magic Domain where she belongs.

Reward: + 25 EXP, 1 random Beginner-level skill.

Failure: You die.

Accept: Yes/No

The Yes button happened to be stacked right on top of the No button for the Math quest.

[QUEST ACCEPTED]

What?! What Dragon Queen? Why would there be a Dragon Queen in an abandoned house for secluded mathematicians? System!

I’m so going to die.

No Dragon Queen showed up within the next minute. The Mage brushed the dust off a wooden chair and table at the far end of the room, then took out a leather-bound notebook from “It is ze time for great arcane knowledge of ze universe. To first control ze flow of magic, you must conquer ze flow of resources.”

You sat on the only seat…

Lena set up Blorbo and sat on him, prompting her status screen open.

Name: Lena Oakward

Race: Animated Human (Human)

Class: Party Mage

Level: 43

HP: ???

MP: ???

STR: 98

END: ???

AGI: ???

PER: ???

Skills

• Small Talk Mastery (???)

• Persuasive Bargaining (???)

• Household Diplomacy (???)

• Sorting Shiny Pebbles (MAX LEVEL)

• ???

• ???

Oh! I can see her level now. And her STR has gone up by 1 despite zero training? Does pushing the cart around everyday count as training for her?

“I’ve never asked,” Lena pondered. “I have yet to know your name. Can I ask for your name, so it is easier to address?”

Where’s that dragon queen though?

“A Mage can go by many names, but never his real name.” The Mage put his hands theatrically on his forehead, then proceeded to not give her his name. He opened the first page of the notebook to reveal some handwritten scribbles. “Are you prepared to learn ze overwhelming power of the ancients?”

Are we summoning the dragon queen today?

“Yes. Yes!” Lena clasped her hands together.

“Zen… let us start.” The mage narrowed his eyes, and the corner of his lips curved into an ominous curve as he took off one of his gloves to reveal the second glove. “Our first lesson of infinite knowledge: Debits and Credits.”