Reborn in Crimson

Dear Flock,

I have a real monster blog for you this time. 

Go on, get a cup of tea and have yourselves a read.

This is the story of the last 2 years...

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From Orange to Grey

Towards the end of 2022 I had this growing feeling that a huge change was coming. It felt like something inside of me was dying away, growing smaller. 

A part of me was leaving.

It was a surreal experience because at the time Garry and I felt it together, like something was coming to an end.

Having been band mates for nearly 20 years now we both felt this sense of grief that maybe our lives as musicians might be... over?

We had this really sad conversation one day, about the possibility of giving everything up and doing something else with our lives. 

After building the band from scratch for 17 years we felt had never really quite "made it". 

After covid, brexit and the cost of living crisis had hit, along with the ongoing international conflicts we just thought, is music really what we should be doing?

At the time we had no Birdeatsbaby shows, no prospects for the band and a severe lack of money that was getting really frightening. 

Debts were piling up and we just clung to Patreon releases to help us stay afloat.

I remember it well because we wrote and released the song "Exit Plan", which truly terrified me.

The words of the song are essentially about giving up on your dreams and descending into a cold winter.

I dyed my hair grey. I felt my orange hair was just too bright, I wanted a lack of colour.

Sure enough, change was coming. 

The following year, our house flooded, we ran up further debts, Garry was sick with one awful virus after another and finally, just as winter reared it's head, we lost our dog Henry. 

Henry Bobbins (2012-2023)

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Out of the ashes

Two quotes that really help me are:

Sometimes the earth needs to be scorched for new shoots to grow.

and

Sometimes when things are falling apart they are just falling into place.

I've always believed that. 

After a period of grieving (that I'm still not quite through), a much needed unplug over Christmas and some ritual fire magick, we entered the new year with a real sense of hope.

I also was just so tired of moaning. 

I think spent a lot of 2022-23 moaning, it felt like there was a lot to moan about 😂 and I'm sorry for that if I was complaining.

I found that particular period of time quite difficult.

Difficult to see the way forward, and I think I was just burned out, and stuck in really toxic, negative spiral.

I was also spreading myself way too thin.

I didn't want to have time to think. Keeping busy was keeping me going but underneath I wasn't happy at all.

Grumpy Mish (2022-2023)

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Then, just like it frequently does in time, it all turned around.

Early in 2024 (after many months of negotiating), we were finally offered a solid record deal.

Suddenly we had a new team of people, a booking agent, a tour and Crimson Veil was born.

It's hard to believe how quickly things turned around.

I hit January running with a fresh desire for all my musical projects and of course, a new Patreon.

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I want to thank you all for being so wonderfully supportive through all my ups and downs over the last month and years.

I also thank Simon for always having the vision to carry on with things, he really keeps the momentum going when I can't.

My musical family - Hana, Garry & Anna (and all the Piranhas too) are also nothing short of amazing and they never lost hope, they allowed me to have my moans and kept on lifting me up with positivity and just generally making me laugh.

I don't think I'd still be doing music if it wasn't for all of this.

I am so grateful.

So... onwards! 

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Now that I'm looking forward again (with my new attitude of gratitude hehe) I want to celebrate at the livestream tomorrow.

It's going to be themed "Musical moments that made me", an idea I pinched from a podcast Hana suggested.

I will play a song from each record, with a short talk about why/where/who/what it's about.

Setlist so far is

Jim (how to let go of an incredible toxic relationship)

Finale (how to end an album) 

Bones of God (how to leave a religion)

Box of Razorblades (how to write a suicide note)

Ribbons (how to trap yourself with a thousand choices)

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After that I will play some top secret Crimson Veil songs and talk a little bit about the inspiration behind those too.

I expect it to be short-and-sweet from 7.30pm-9pm. Here are the links:

YOUTUBE 

FACEBOOK 

TWITCH 

Please bring any questions with you!

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Later this month I will still be releasing an Opeth cover and hopefully a brand new song from The Chemical Perils... stayed tuned.

Love & Feathers,

x Mishkin x