CA Chapter Thirty-six

“I can’t believe this is the only thing we got from that stupid farmer,” Vexxx complained, holding up a brass key with a shank as long as his hand. The head of the key was, not surprisingly, a cube, and the teeth were long and blocky.

Tess and Vexxx had brought back a half dozen good-sized fish, which they had skewered on sticks and promptly burned because neither of them had the [Cooking] skill, so Myles had produced an herb-roasted chicken from his inventory after everyone else admitted that they were out of anything else that was already prepared. This, combined with some wild greens Toggle had gathered, made for a satisfactory lunch, but they all agreed that they were about ready to finish the dungeon and go somewhere with real food.

Now, they were walking through the remains of the farm, heading toward the hopefully-abandoned farmhouse. The corpses of their fallen foes had already returned to Fertile Earth, and only the Cluck-a-Cubes were still running around, trying to dissolve their feet as they passed. Fortunately, they were small, so Tess could chop through them with a single blow, or even smash them flat with the side of her axe.

Alpha had no swords left, so she was reduced to poking at the things with a knife strapped onto the end of a stick to create a makeshift spear. Vexxx, of course, couldn’t shock the cuboid avians until someone else made a hole in them, which rendered him all but useless, and he was clearly peevish about the whole thing.

“I just want to finish this stupid dungeon already. I mean, the next floor has to be the last one, right?” The boy looked around, expression hopeful. “We’re supposed to be able to complete a dungeon in sixteen hours or less, if we know what we’re doing, and each of these levels would probably take, what, like, four hours for a group of five at the right level? Which means the next one has to be the end.”

Tess looked dubious. “Maybe? It depends on how many ‘doors’ there are on the first level. Are they really common, and we walked by twenty of them because we didn’t know what we were looking for, or was the one we found the only one, and we just got lucky? Is the floor layout static, or will it change every time a new party enters? That one could take fifteen minutes, or several hours to finish. I mean, the second floor should be pretty easy with the right party setup, and this one is really just a big fight, but it could take a pretty long time if you don’t know the trick with the base, and you just hack and zap the things until they die.”

Alpha nodded as they walked up to the porch of the sprawling single-story farmhouse. “There could be three more levels, or this could be the last one, and we just haven’t found the exit yet because it’s inside the farmhouse.”

Tess set foot on the ramp that took the place of steps leading up to the porch, but hesitated before taking the first step. “Um, I hate to be the one to bring this up, but… What do we do if it turns out there’s a Cube cat or dog, or a Cube Wife in here?”

Alpha sighed. She’d thought of that, too, and she really didn’t want to have to kill someone’s pet, even if it was trying to eat them. Still, the only other option was to leave, so no matter what was beyond the door, they’d have to face it. That was why she’d insisted they all get back into some kind of armor before making this little trek.

“This level reminds me of the Huntsman. You know, the final boss in the Elven Heights?” She looked around, meeting blank gazes. Which made sense, since Elven Heights was near the elven capital, and few players who hadn’t had a character that spawned in Elfhame would have heard of it. She hated thinking about when she had played an elf, back before her mother died, and she found herself reaching up to rub Orah’s head. The feeling of cool scales against her fingers helped focus her mind so she could explain.

“The Huntsman can either be very easy, or he can party wipe you in a second, and it all depends on what you did before you met him. The forest is filled with passive mobs, and you can totally ignore them and go straight through to fight the Huntsman. If you do, he’ll summon every creature in the area, and you’ll be overwhelmed by a thousand bunny rabbits with fangs. On the other hand, if you take out all the innocent forest animals on the way in, Huntsman won’t have anything to call for help, and even a single player can kill him, as long as they’re the same level or higher.”

Tess grimaced. “Okay, I officially hate that. I don’t want to kill the cute animals when they’re just minding their own business.”

Alpha smirked. “The majority of the people who decide to go elf feel the same way. They’re generally the artsy types who like the racial buffs to crafting and,” her mouth pinched like she just bit into a lemon as she said, “music. They don’t like fighting, and they like killing random cute animals even less. Huntsman doesn’t come out to play very often.”

Vexxx rolled his eyes and stomped up onto the porch, making everyone near him take a step back and cover their noses. ‘Near’ was relative, of course, since no one was willing to be closer than ten feet, and only if that was upwind, but whenever he moved quickly the smell of rot and raw sewage billowed out from him as if he’d just stepped in front of a fan.

Raising the key over his head, he slid it into the keyhole in the sixteen-foot high door. “So, what I hear you saying,” he said, grunting as he stood on his tip-toes to turn the key in the lock. “Is that if we just ignored the fenced critters out there, the Cube Farmer would have called them all and overwhelmed us, but since we killed them first and pulled him outside-” The door clicked, and slowly began to swing inward. Vexxx instantly fell forward as the surface he’d been leaning against fell away.

“Yes,” Alpha murmured quietly, dropping into a crouch with her makeshift spear out in front of her, “I think the battle is over.”

Myles, who had been unusually somber since Wep left, snorted a small laugh. “But you’re not certain,” he said, eyeing her battle-ready stance. Then he caught Amy’s hand, where it rested on his arm, and took a step toward the darkened interior of the structure. “Let’s look around then, shall we?”

So they did.

For once, there were no more surprises lying in wait for them. No dog or cat, no farmwife, not even an enormous mouse trap baited with a treasure chest, sure to entice greedy players into making one, final mistake. No, the treasure chest just sat in the middle of the living room floor, a simple thing made of wooden slats and bands of metal, gleaming gently in the light that filtered through the open windows.

“Is that… actually a treasure chest?” Vexxx said, at last, his fingers twitching.

“Unless it’s a mimic,” Tess offered cheerfully. “I mean, it could totally be a mimic.”

The lightning mage looked at her uncomprehendingly. “What’s a mimic?”

Everyone else stopped, staring at him incredulously. “How do you not know what a mimic is?” Tess asked.

He shrugged defensively. “I just don’t. What is it?”

Alpha edged around his cloud of stench and jabbed out with her spear, poking the chest, which didn’t react. “Probably not this,” she said. “Toggle, can you check it for traps?”

Looking pleased to be asked to help, Toggle stepped forward and walked around the chest, though he gave Vexxx a wide berth as he did so. “I don’t see anything, Mistress. It should be safe. Should I open it?”

Alpha hesitated before shaking her head. “You step back, Toggle. Not that I don’t believe you, but this is strange, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

The gnome nodded reluctantly, but before he could take more than a single step away from the chest, Vexxx darted in, throwing open the lid with unnecessary force, so it cracked loudly as it bounced from the back of the box and nearly fell shut again. Before any of them could chastise him for his impatience, however, a wall of text appeared before them.

CONGRATULATIONS! You are the first to defeat the Cube Farmer! All rewards have been upgraded two quality tiers. Each person who participated in clearing the level gains one of the following items!

• A spell book
• A sword
• A suit of armor
• A closed box

You have one minute to make your choice. Choose wisely!

“What?” Vexxx yelped. “That’s it? What kind of spell? What kind of armor? Like, is it mage armor, because that would be awesome!” His hands waved through the air as he tried to interact with the words. There was a flash of light, and a book appeared in his hands as ‘A spell book’ disappeared from the list of possible rewards. “No!” the boy howled. “I just wanted more information! Let me try again!”
Alpha shook her head at the mage’s antics, because she already knew what she was going to pick. Like it or not, she was the primary melee fighter of this party, and she needed a better weapon than a knife on a stick. Reaching out, she touched the ‘sword’ option.

Instantly, she felt the familiar weight of a hilt press into her hand. The weapon was a little heavier than her old one, but she had a lot more Strength than she had when she bought that one, and it felt comfortable and right to her. Lifting it up in front of her eyes, she stared at it, or rather, through it. It seemed to be made of something like a crystallized version of the pinkish clear goo found inside the gelatinous cubes. It emitted a glow that was almost too faint to detect, and tiny sparkles flashed from within the blade. The hilt was silver, wrapped with white leather, and a stylized metallic white snake spiraled around the hilt and small crossguard, forming a sort of serpentine basket-hilt.

Longsword of Quezal - This sword was created by the deity Quezal specifically for His High Priestess. Bonus to attacks against any player wearing black. Bonus to attacks against any player or mob sworn to Tezca. Impervious to damage. May only be wielded by the High Priestess of Quezal. Weight - 10 lbs. Rarity - Unique.

Your relationship with your Deity, Quezal, has reached 100.

Orah lifted from Alpha’s shoulder and flew down to coil around the snake on the hilt of Alpha’s new sword. As she did, the sword flashed, and a shell of glimmering rainbow light formed around Alpha.

You have learned the spell [Quezal’s Aegis]. Once per day, you may use [Quezal’s Aegis] to perfectly protect yourself or someone else for two minutes. You may only use this spell when your relationship with Quezal is at 100.

Alpha lowered the sword as Orah returned to her shoulder. That was… amazing. Both the sword and the spell. There was a high-level tank skill that negated all damage for a period of time, but you had to have a tank class in order to get it. Having a  spell that did the same thing as a damage dealer could make all the difference in a battle, especially since it didn’t seem to limit her movement while it was in use. She looked around, expecting everyone else to be staring at the display, but found that Tess and Vexxx were too involved in examining their own prizes to be interested in hers.

Tess was now wearing a suit of armor made of shimmering, pinkish crystal that matched the blade of Alpha’s new sword, though this was opaque. Instead of snakes and spirals, however, it was accented with stylized shields and golden lions rampant. Tess had taken a small hand mirror from her inventory and was busy using it to try to examine her own back, where a particularly large lion wrapped from one shoulder to the opposite hip, and an articulated golden tail draped from beneath the bottom edge of her breastplate, tapering down to a tassel made of fine gold wire.

Vexxx hadn’t made quite such a transformation, but from the manic grin that stretched across his face, he was also pleased with his new spell, even though he hadn’t been sure about it at first. He raised his hand, and a brilliant flash lit up the room, making Alpha blink as she tried to get rid of the afterimage. As her sight returned, she saw a flickering, electrical bird-shape perched on the mage’s forearm. It raised its wings and squawked, creating a clap of thunder that echoed in the over-sized room. Alpha slapped her hands over her ears, wincing, but it was too late.

You have been Deafened by Thunderbird.

Alpha glared at Vexxx. She could see Tess’ mouth moving, but of course she couldn’t hear what the half-dwarf was saying. From the look on Vexx’s face, however, he could still hear just fine, but probably wished he couldn’t.

The next three minutes were filled with a ringing silence. Tess spent most of the time striking various poses, probably taking image captures of her new gear. Vexxx, once his chagrin wore off, spent the remaining two and a half minutes sending his bird flying around the room, at which point they discovered that it could also produce lightning bolts from its eyes.

Myles, Amy, and, somewhat to Alpha’s surprise, Toggle, played a silent round of Paladir, a poker-like game that had dragons rather than jokers. When Myles laid down a trio of dragons, the tiny reptiles actually raised their heads from the surface of the cards and hissed. At least, Alpha assumed they hissed, because she couldn’t actually hear it.

Alpha, on the other hand, had exactly one thing on her mind. Somewhere, there was a path or a doorway that led to the next level of the dungeon. She wandered around the room, discovering that it was surprisingly eerie to pass through the world without hearing or producing a single sound. At about the same time that Vexxx’s Thunderbird vanished, Alpha found herself back by the now open treasure chest, and glanced inside.

Blinking, she saw that instead of the bottom of an empty wooden box, a stairway led down into shadowed depths that extended far beyond the floor of the farmhouse on which the chest sat.

“Guys?” she said slowly, and everyone else turned to look at her. Silently, she pointed down, into the uncanny distance. Tess crowded up next to her, eyes growing large, but when Vexxx tried to join them, the extraordinarily offensive funk that surrounded him made them glare at him until he backed off.

Myles, who undoubtedly knew exactly what she’d found, stood back, grinning, but Amy rested a hand on Toggle’s shoulder and made her careful way to the side of the treasure chest.

“That,” the woman said, in her slow, careful way, “is so cool.”