Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 107

“Isn’t that the same way I last saw you awake,” Amanda quipped when she stepped onto the porch of their cabin and found her mom nursing Jamie. Jamie, naturally, didn’t interrupt his breakfast to answer.

“Morning,” Becky said while looking down at Jamie. She, too, was engrossed in what she was doing and had a queer smile on her face, of providing for her little boy and the oxytocin contenting her on an autumn morning. It made Manda a little jealous.

“Mel’s getting dressed. We’re gonna go up to the lodge for breakfast. You wanna come?”

“I already went up there. Woke up early.”

“O. How was it?”

“Good. But skip the sausage; it was bland.”

“Good tip. Any plans today?”

“I thought I’d go into town and look at the antiques. Of course you’re welcome to come if you want, or you can stay here and find some stuff to do around the lodge.”

“Does Jamie wanna go?” Jamie may as well have been on another planet.

“He hasn’t said,” Becky laughed. He hadn’t said much of anything. Becky returned from breakfast and lifted him out from under his covers still asleep. He woke and mumbled something, and he latched on when his cheek brushed Becky’s nipple

“I’ll ask Mel. What time?”

“I was thinking we’d have a lazy morning and then go around lunchtime.”

“’Kay.” Jamie unlatched. “Good morning, Jamie,” Amanda said, curious to see his response. Littles and their physiology increasingly interested her.

He slowly turned his head to look at his big sister. “Morning,” he said with a fuzzy look in his eyes.

“Are you food drunk?”

“Muh-huh.” He put his head on Becky’s chest like it was too heavy to hold up. Amanda shook her head chuckling and walked back inside to get Mel.

“Bath time, Baby Bear,” Becky said as she stood up. Jamie’s arms hung limp at his sides. “Maybe some cold water will wake you up. Or sober you up.” She wasn’t sure which. Jane told her Rosie was much the same way when she first started nursing. The effect never wore off completely, but she assured Becky he wouldn’t be quite so out of it after nursing if she kept it up, except when he was already tired or had an empty stomach.

She ran a bath for him, this time staying out of it, and stripped Jamie to his diaper. She checked inside first to make sure he was clean. The only regular thing about him now was his body was unpredictable. It fed Becky’s illusion that Jamie couldn’t control his bowels, not that she minded the extra work. She liked the special time it gave her to take care of her boy. She put him in the tub and did most of the work washing him while he came around. She couldn’t tell for sure, but she though his pupils were just slightly dilated.

“Mission control to Jamie ... Is Jamie in there?”

He turned to look at her, coming back around to be himself again. “Good morning.”

“Yes, it is,” she laughed and leaned in to plant a kiss on his hair. “How do you feel?”

“Rested,” he sighed.

“Do you wanna go into town later?”

“Are Manda and Mel going?”

“I bet they will if you do.”

“Okay.”

“You gonna be super amenable all day?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe use some words word with three or more syllables later?”

“Maybe.”

“So you like nursing then?” Becky smiled at him, her big, happy smile that she found herself wearing so often when she talked about nursing.

“I do,” he smiled. “A lot.”

“Have you thought more about asking Amanda if she wants to try it?” Becky had brought it up before, and Jamie had changed the subject.

That sobered him up a little more. “Did she say anything?”

“No. But I think she’s been thinking about it.”

“What makes you say that?”

“The way she looks at me when I’m feeding you.”

“Maybe she’s looking at me,” Jamie said.

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Maybe she wishes she had more quality time with her mommy.”

“She’s twenty.”

“I’m thirty. Or thirty-one. I’m not sure.” He never much liked celebrating his birthday, so he never bothered to work out the difference in time between his new home and old to figure out when his fell. He knew it would grow more each year, eventually being years apart, and he didn’t mind in the slightest.

“But you’re a little.”

“Everybody always says that like we’re just very mature toddlers. Maybe instead of thinking that littles need all this attention to be happy, you all should think that bigs would all be happier, too, if they got loved like littles get loved.”

“So you think she just wants to spend more time with me?”

“Yeah. Maybe just the two of you more often.”

“Hmm.” Becky stopped with the washcloth and thought about that for a moment. For a little while after Jamie first arrived, she and Amanda had spent more time together after he was in bed, even snuggling with one another in a way they hadn’t since she was a young teenager. It seemed like a return to a time when they shared more physical affection, but it then seemed to just peter out. “Maybe you’re right. You ready to get out?”

“Yeah.” She pulled the plug, and Jamie waited it for the water level to get low before he stood up with arms out; he knew the drill. Becky wrapped a towel around him, dried him off some, and picked him up to take him back to the nursery, setting him on the bed and combing his hair.

“How is your crib? Comfortable?”

“A little hard, actually.”

“It’s not just a littles crib. It’s for babies, too, so it’s firmer.”

“O.”

“You can share with me. Or Manda and Mel.”

“Thank you.” He’d rather do that anyway. He loved his bear, but it never hugged back. He preferred sleeping with Manda or Mommy.

Becky smiled again and kissed him. “You look very handsome today. Maybe we’ll find you some cute clothes in town.” She gestured for him to lay back and wrapped him in a fluffy diaper, making sure he smelled like baby powder, and added a diaper cover just because. “I think you should wear these today,” she said, taking his purple overalls out of the closet. She added a baby blue shirt and had him dressed quickly. She finished it off by clipping his paci to his overalls.

“Now it’s my turn to get cleaned up,” she said. “Can you play nicely in the living room by yourself?”

“Well, I was gonna jump on the furniture and trash the place, but if it will make you happy I’ll draw instead.” She set him on the floor, patted his butt, and sent him off with a swat. She just changed me, Jamie thought, why do they always want to pat diapered butts? As a way of checking? Is my butt that irresistible in a diaper?

Becky went to shower and dress, and Jamie found the activity bag his mom had packed for him by the front door. Stooping down to look through it, Jamie something outside caught his eye. Through the glass of the door, Jamie saw legs. He squatted down to get a better look and saw next to their car was a deer, exactly the kind from back in his old home and the same size. It froze when it saw him, then went back to slowly walking along the road. It wasn’t afraid of Jamie.

“Neither of us fit here,” Jamie said and went back to the activity bag to fish out his drawing pad and pencils. He went to the table and hoisted himself into a chair to draw a picture of the deer. It came out pretty good. Ella’s lessons were helping.

“Hey, Jamester,” Mel said as she came in; Amanda was right behind her.

“Hey.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Mostly.”

“I hear we might be going into town if you wanna come.”

“I’ll go if you two do.”

“Then it’s a plan,” Amanda chimed in. “But we have a couple hours to kill. Anyone wanna go for a walk?”

“Should we wait for Mom?”

“Wait for me to do what,” she asked as she came into the living room dressed for the day.

“Go for a walk before we leave for town.”

“Everyone wants to go to town? Great. Let me go get my shoes.”

The foursome left through the back porch and followed the sidewalk away from the lodge toward the boathouse. At the end of the sidewalk, a sign pointed into the woods. They followed it.

The woods are a different world in each season. In late autumn, it’s a world without so many leaves to filter the light. The sun passes through brown leaves and around bare limbs. The ground is dry, and the leaves crunch. The breeze through the trees takes away what little warmth remains. Jamie was glad of it, that his new home had seasons. His feet rolled over acorns and gumballs, and he watched squirrels and chipmunks, interrupted in their effort to stockpile for the winter, scurry up tree trunks to escape their approach. They came to a clearing where some other guests were resting from their own walk.

“What’s the trail like ahead,” Amanda asked one of them.

“It’s gets really rocky, and in some spots where the ground is low there’s mud.” Two other littles and a child were playing in the middle of the field under the supervision of four bigs.

“We can keep going, or if you want, Jamie, you can go play with them,” Becky said.

“What about the kid?” The last time he ‘played’ with a kid it ended up causing an international incident.

“She looks safe. She seems to be playing nicely.”

“Go on,” Mel encouraged him. “Give it a try.”

“We’re right here,” Amanda reassured him.

Jamie didn’t hesitate on the outside, bravely walking toward them, but he was nervous on the inside. He recalled the way making a new friend worked when he was very young, before life made what should be such a simple act so difficult and fraught. “Hi,” Jamie said to the child, “I’m Jamie.” If only it remained so simple forever, he might have had friends and family back home and never adopted himself out.

“I’m Megan. Do you want to play with us?” The girl said it as though speaking to a very young child; she herself looked very young, though she was a foot taller than Jamie.

“How old are you?”

“I’m seven.”

“What are you playing?” They didn’t seem to be playing much, more just sitting in a triangle.

“Nothing, really. This is Jeffrey,” Megan said as she gestured to a little boy. “And this is Linnie. Can you guys say hi to Jamie?” They both said hello. Jamie sat down next to them.

Watching from near the trail, Mel remarked, “I don’t think I’ve seen him play with other littles.”

“He does at the park all the time. Tag mostly. If he’s playing actively, he’s pretty good at leading the pack. He’s also good at having story time. The littles like being read to by another little.”

“Wonder what they’re talking about.”

Jamie was sitting cross-legged watching Jeffrey pick blades of grass from the field. “Yes, Jeffrey,” he said, “You’re right. ‘Barf’ is a very funny word.” He was regretting the attempt to engage with regressed littles.

“I think he’s just sitting there,” Amanda said.

“Should we try to help him,” Mel asked.

“His therapist says it’s time to stop that, that he has to figure this out on his own,” Becky answered. Amanda sat down in the grass, and Becky and Mel followed suit. It was hard for all of them to just watch; they wanted to help.

“I wonder why he has such a hard time with it,” Amanda said.

“He’s not regressed,” Becky replied.

“I mean, it’s just like he can’t relate to them at all unless they’re playing a game he’s good at. He can’t just play what they’re playing, or just talk to them.” Jamie’s unregressed coordination made him better at physical games than other littles, and not having to talk with the other players meant he didn’t really have to try to relate to them.

“He draws,” Becky said.

“Alone or with Ella. I just mean it would be nice to see him just play with other littles. Use a swing set for something other than exercise. Chase each other. Make up stories; play pretend. It has to get lonely for him,” Amanda said, sounding dismayed.

“He seems to have his people, though,” Mel said.

“I want him to have more people.” If Amanda had her way, everyone would be his friend and he’d be friends with everyone, just like every big wants for their little. They could see Jamie making some conversation, but he wasn’t laughing or smiling. He may as well have been talking to his dentist. “Jamie,” Amanda sang out. He heard her, excused himself, and trotted over.

“What’s up?”

“Why don’t you ask them to play tag,” Amanda suggested.

“There’s only four of us.”

“That’s enough. But Mel and I will play if you want us to.”

“I don’t know ...”

“I bet they’ll think you’re pretty cool when they see how fast you can run.”

“Go on,” Mel urged him, “show me. I haven’t seen you play yet.” Far be it from Jamie to disappoint her; he nodded and walked back over.

“Do you guys wanna play tag,” Jamie asked them.

“Okay,” said Megan, hopping up. She jumped right in setting the rules. “I’ll be It first. You guys go stand over there, and I’ll count to ten.” She seemed used to bossing around littles, albeit nicely.

“Megan,” Jamie said in the same tone he used with kids back home when he was trying to issue a warning without making it a literal warning, “play gently.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you.” Jamie was less worried about himself than Linnie and Jeffrey, but he was also worried about himself. The littles walked to the other side of the field.

“She won’t hurt you,” Linnie said. “She’s my sister. She’s nice ... most of the time.”

Becky and the girls looked on. The littles spread out, and Megan counted to ten. She took slow steps at first, seeing who moved in which direction. Trying to be nice to her sister, she headed for the boys. They went in opposite directions, and Megan didn’t have to go far to catch Jeffrey.

“Not much of game with her in it,” Mel said.

“I bet Jamie can catch her.”

“The other boy can’t.” Jeffrey was quick but not coordinated enough. Every time he got close, Megan would change direction, and he couldn’t turn as sharply as she could without tripping over his own feet. He knew it and set his sights on Linnie. He had to work to catch her, but he did.

Jamie was bored. No one had chased him yet. He trotted over in Linnie’s direction, circling her until he could figure out how fast she was. He got close enough to taunt her and backed away again. She took the bait. Jamie could stay away from her, but he wanted to make it sporting, and he knew if he moved too far away she’d give up, so he stayed close enough keep her attention. He pivoted to his right, his foot slipped, and he came down hard on his butt. She tagged the top of his head softly. Jamie was slow to get up.

“Is he hurt,” Mel asked with worry.

“I don’t think so. But that looked painful.” Jamie rubbed his tailbone for a second after he stood up.

“Are you okay,” Megan shouted.

“Yeah.”

“Then you’re still It,” she said, sticking her tongue out. He went after her.

“Anyone wanna place a bet,” Amanda asked, excited to see Jamie get a chance to really play. He hadn’t in a while.

“No gambling on littles,” Becky jokingly admonished her.

“You read about that little care in the news that was ...” Mel asked before Amanda cut her off.

“Yes,” Amanda said. “Fuckers ...”

“Amanda!”

“Well, they are,” she said back to her mother. She’d grown so used to swearing around her mom that she was a little surprised Becky chastised her. It wasn’t as though there were little ears nearby that could hear.

Megan was fast enough that for the first time since Jamie had played tag in Itali, he really had to actually work to tag someone. He had no idea how strong he was relative to a six-and-a-half-foot tall seven-year-old girl, but at the least her long legs gave her an advantage. Her form wasn’t perfect, but she made up for it in exuberance. They used the whole field, catching the attention of the bigs standing nearby, who watched as Jamie and Megan use their legs as anchor points to dash around trying to slow or confuse each other. Jeffrey and Linnie, after trying to taunt Jamie into giving chase, gave up and went back to their spot on the grass.

“How are they not tired yet,” Mel asked.

“Jamie works out, like, two hours a day.”

“Really?”

“He’s got a lot of time on his hands,” Becky shrugged. At first, she found it off-putting that her little wanted to exercise. Not play, but actually exercise. It wasn’t what she had expected; she’d never heard of a little doing that. She thought when she adopted him that she’d need to make sure he stayed at least a little active and didn’t just play with his toys all day. But clearly it made Jamie happy and healthy; so long as he didn’t overdo it and hurt himself, she was fine with him doing wind-sprints in the backyard and using the swing set to do pull ups.

“And she’s, what, six or seven? Bottomless energy at that age,” Becky remarked. After five minutes of chase, Jamie got just close enough to tap her side. She hit her brakes and spun around. Jamie jumped back and spun in the air, anticipating the counter-tag and ready to sprint in the other direction. Instead, Megan sat down.

“You win,” she declared defeat, huffing and puffing. She laid back on the grass. Jamie walked back over and sat down next to her. “You’re fast,” she said between gasps. She wasn’t talking to him like a little anymore.

“So are you.” He wasn’t as winded as she was. “We should do that again later.”

“Maybe when I’m 8. I bet I can beat you then.” Jamie knew she was probably right. He looked over his shoulder at the other littles.

“What do you do when you play with your sister,” he asked.

“Play dolls. Draw. Build things. Play make-believe or dress up.”

“She’s much younger than you.” Mentally anyway. Jamie still didn’t have the words to explain the difference, and it didn’t seem like anyone in Itali did either. Everyone just understood what it meant to say a little was ‘young.’

“Yeah.”

“You still have fun with her?”

“Of course.” Easy for a seven-year-old to say. The bigs were all talking now in a group. Jamie watched them and assumed they were complimenting one another on their littles. One of them approached the two of them.

“Hi, Jamie. I’m Lucy. I’m Megan’s sister,” she said cheerfully but respectfully, no hint of the overly solicitous tone new bigs often approached him with.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You’re the first little I think I’ve ever seen win at tag with a big kid.”

Jamie shrugged. “Guess I’m fast.”

“And not regressed, so I’m told.”

“How old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

“Megan is really fast, too,” he said.

“She takes after me.”

“Are you staying here all weekend,” Jamie asked.

“Yeah, we’ll be here all weekend. You can come play with Megan later if your mom says it’s alright.” Becky waved him over.

“I will,” he said, getting up. “I think I need to leave.”

“We’ll see you later.”

“Thanks for playing with me,” he said to Megan.

“You, too.”

“Tell Linnie and Jeffrey I said bye.” He walked over to his mom and the girls.

“Did you have fun,” Becky asked.

“Yeah ... My butt hurts,” he said and rubbed his tailbone again.

“You ready for some lunch?”

“Mhmm.”

“Then let’s go get you cleaned up and go into town.” She picked him up and took over rubbing his tailbone when she patted his diapered butt again.

“You’re really good, Jamie. Thanks for showing me,” Mel said.

“Play hard or go home,” he said, trying to affect a deeper voice. Mel laughed.

“You make me feel fat,” Amanda said.

“Honey,” her Mom started to say.

“You know what I mean.” Moms can be so protective.