chambersjr

(ARTICLE) Game Time: 12 Lessons I've Learned About LIFE From Getting Rejected By Women

Added 2022-06-21 13:11:30 +0000 UTC

Never take rejection personal. Feeling rejected is the opposite of feeling accepted. But being rejected (and we all will be at times) doesn't mean someone isn't liked, valued, or important. It just means that one time, in one situation, with one person, things didn't work out.

Whichever kind of rejection you're facing, the fact of the matter is that rejection does take a hit to your ego and when you put it out all on the line only to get a soul crushing "no," it's enough to make anyone want to stop trying to put themselves out there — for anything.

Sometimes rejection is God's protection

- Chambers Jr

The fact is, that if you are never rejected, you are probably still in your comfort zone, and not sufficiently challenging yourself. Rejection should be considered a signal of how much you are living your life, how hard you are pushing yourself, and how high your ambitions are.

People tend to incorrectly interpret the hurt they feel, viewing rejection as an indication of their self worth, leading us to feel even worse.

But even though it’s painful, rejection can actually benefit you. Getting rejected can build resilience, thick skin and grit which can help you grow and apply the lessons you learn to future setbacks

Here's what I have learned about life from getting rejecting by women...

1. Not Everyone Is Going To Like You

Nowadays, it seems obvious to me. Why would every single person you meet like you?

YOU don't even like everyone you meet.

Growing up, I always knew this to be true in the back of my mind, but it took me time to fully internalise this.

Consider this theory:

25% of people will like you, no matter what
25% of people will like you, but may be persuaded not to
25% of people will not like you, but may be persuaded to
25% of people will not like you, no matter what you do

A major takeaway is to spend your time and energy with those who respect and appreciate you, and don’t waste your time repeatedly trying to win over those who don’t. If you are aware of your value, you won't even consider doing this anyway.

You are not designed for everyone to like you.

2. You Can't EXPECT Things From People

This is a big one.

People tend to expect relationships, time, sex... all of that. You can't expect stuff from others.

People have different subjective experiences, emotions, and so on, affecting their decision-making, wants, needs. etc. And we're not even considering that different people are at different stages of their lives.

Sometimes, having expectations of others means holding them responsible for our happiness. We condition our happiness to their behaviour, so we become dependent on their reactions.

Expectations always hurt. Train your mind in such a manner that it stops expecting. When you expect, you give your power in another person’s hands.

If a person ignores you and makes you feel like you are unworthy, the person does not deserve you.

"Expectations always lead to disappointment- one of the prime lessons that life taught me. It's better to be surprised than to be disappointed."

- Chambers Jr

3. You Can Market Yourself, But You Can't Sell

You can't "close" the sale with women.

You can only offer, inspire their interest, aka marketing. The reason is simple - you have zero control over other people.

So if there’s a person you love and that person doesn’t love you back, know that you can’t just say a few magic words and miraculously change the way this person feels about you. If you could, there would be no broken families, friendships ending, heart-shattering breakups, and nasty divorces.

That’s why I’d like you to know that you can’t force someone to love you no matter how much you love him or her. You can’t do it even if you apologies, promise to change, or pretend that you’re the wisest and most relationship material person in the world.

Insecure, forceful, or pretentious behaviour will inarguably just smother, anger, and annoy this person even more.

So don’t resort to trying to negotiate for someones love, and explaining to the man or woman that he or she is the most perfect person for you.

It’s a waste of time and emotions because no matter what you say or do, you’ll never impress that person. You’ll just get rejected and become more desperate for love and recognition.

4. Getting Laid Will Make You Happy For A Few Hours...Maximum 1 Day

It's just the way it is. You'll reach a point when you have nothing to prove to yourself anymore.

Getting laid with a new girl will feel great, but then you realise it's just sex.

I still believe every guy (who is not waiting until marriage to have sex) should get laid as often as he can so he truly knows how true point is.

A lot of guys in the red pill space say this, but it's very easy to tell someone that "sex isn't all that" when you've had sex with more women than you can even remember.

I'm not saying to make it a priority in your life, but don't purposely decline sex because of what some guy on youtube/twitter said.

Men have sexual urges, when you see an attractive woman theres a 9/10 chance you want to have sex with her.

However the source of your happiness should not come FROM the pursuit of getting sex.

5. Getting Women Won't Make Your Life Complete

It certainly makes your life better. You meet new people, get to know yourself more, and obviously have fun with them.

But at the end of the day, no one can compensate for any sort of a lack of fullness you feel.

Women can't "complete" your life- they simply add to it with their incredible feminine energy. If you expect someone else to complete you, you already expect too much of them.

6. There's No One Size Fits All Cookie Cutter System For Approaching And Speaking To Women

A lot of men fall in the trap of looking for "The Line"

SPOILER ALERT: THERE IS NO LINE THAT CAN MAKE A WOMAN LIKE YOU

She either finds you attractive or she doesn’t.

So stop being fearful or rejection, walk up to her and talk. You will not die.

Give This podcast a listen: https://www.patreon.com/posts/podcast-with-is-57437603?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copy_to_clipboard&utm_campaign=postshare

7. Avoid Displaying Desperation (Even If You Are)

You probably just want to bang that new girl you've met, and that's it. Fair enough.

However, making that your prime goal will kill your vibe and make you very outcome dependent.

During interactions with women you shouldn’t be too focused on getting a specific result. That result could be:

getting a good reaction from her
getting a phone number
getting a date
having sex
getting into a relationship

The idea is that women can sense when you have an agenda. Instead, you should try to enjoy the moment for what it is and not care so much about what she thinks or does.

Being less dependent on outcomes is one of the most important principles of getting better with women...if not the most important.

Becoming outcome independent is one of the most important things you can do for yourself when it comes to women. All seduction relies on demonstrating an ability to walk away from situations at your choosing.

Learning to not care when it’s appropriate to not care will save you a world of heartbreak, from the first meeting all the way up into your deepest relationships. And the only way to not care, is to train yourself to be that way.

8. Seek To Understand First

From the minute I talk to a new girl, I try to put my own "interests" aside and focus on understanding her first.

That sort of mindset makes the other side feel better about the entire interaction.

You'll stand out as a guy who doesn't really expect too much from a girl he meets, to begin with.

Women tend to naturally use emotions, relational stories, examples, feelings and sharing as their baseline form of communication.

Men often make the mistake of trying to use logic and reason to try and solve what they perceive as a woman’s problems, when all women really want is for men to listen, hear and understand them.

Women tend to solve their problems by the process of talking about them.

9. Comfort Is EVERYTHING

A girl can be attracted to you but if she isn’t comfortable around you. NOTHING is happening.

A woman wants to feel safe with her partner.

This not only refers to her physical self, but also her emotional wellbeing.

The truth is that men - especially those with limited experience with women - may not understand what kind of behaviours makes a woman scared / uncomfortable.

Simple Ways to Make a Woman Feel Comfortable

Meet her somewhere public - whether It's the first date or whether you are heading to approach her. Even if you are a good person, not many women will comfortable being approached in a quiet dark alleyway at night time.

Compliment the right way - Complimenting the wrong way means being too sexually explicit if she hasn’t given you the signs that she feels comfortable.

"Damn that ass FAT! 🥵" ❌

"Them jeans look good on you, where did you get them from?" ✅

Complimenting her on things she's had to make a choice about shows you’re thoughtful and notice how she presents herself to the world. Accessories and clothes are good starters, especially if she matches or has a unique sense of fashion.

Don't ask private questions - Private questions that probe a woman’s private life before she’s ready are a bad idea.

Don't ask about exes, bodycount, how much money she makes etc...

Most women understand that their reputation is one of the most important things they have to operate in the world, so she wouldn’t just tell a person she doesn’t fully trust

If she brings it up then it's fair game for her to also reciprocate

Don’t get angry or mad - Generally speaking men are much stronger than women.

And when men get in an angry or agitated state, it may trigger some women to recognise you as dangerous and run away.

Even if you are angry at someone else during the course of a date, she may feel that you’re emotionally unstable and have poor control of your emotions - which, in her mind, may be redirected towards her (even if you have absolutely no intention to do so).

Don't get mad or upset if she doesn’t want to have sex either. (stop being so outcome dependant 😉 )

10. GO TO THE GYM!!!!!

90% of the dates I go on, I've realised the girl will say something positive about my body.

❌🧢

YOU DO NOT need to look like a professional bodybuilder to get women, that's obviously false.

But in my experience, having an evenly proportional physique definitely makes a difference.

You simply look much better and give the impression of a guy who knows how to take care of himself.

The best thing about it is lifting weights also changes the way you feel- for the better.

Go to the gym.

11. The Less You Care, The More You Win

I'm not saying don't care about the women you meet. Not at all.

What I mean is that "getting women" isn't such a big deal for you. Women will notice this in your behaviour and the way you speak and view you in a different light.

Whether it's in a conversation at the gym or through a dating app, women will notice your un-needy vibe and respond to it.

"You get fucked when you give too many fucks. Too many people nowadays give too many fucks, that's their problem."

- Chambers JR

Not giving a fuck is NOT about being cool, uncaring, or detached. Also, one does not TRY not to give a fuck. You either give one or you don't.

The ultimate state of not giving a FUCK! is exactly like meditation. Meditation is not about clearing your mind or ridding yourself of emotion.

Quite the opposite in fact. It is about allowing yourself to have those thoughts, feel those emotions, and having them pass through you with no attempt to resist or keep them.

Developing the ability to control our fucks is the essence of strength. And not giving a fuck is actually a learned art. We must craft and hone it. We must stop getting sucked into life’s trivialities and unimportant dramas. We must ignore side notes and distractions to focus on what actually matters.

"In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And those fucks I have not given have made all the difference."

- Mark Manson, Author of The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck

The truth is that everyone gives a fuck about something. Money. Power. Sex. Status.

It’s impossible not to give a fuck about anything, nor is that desirable.

In fact, it’s important to give a fuck sometimes:

If you don’t give a fuck at work, you’ll get fired
if you don't give a fuck at school, you'll fail
If you don’t give a fuck in business, you’ll soon be out of business
If you don’t give a fuck about your friends, you soon won’t have any friends

The problem is that too many of we give too many fucks about the things that aren’t important and that don’t matter. The things we can’t control and can’t change such as the opinions of others, what other people think of us, whether or not someone else likes us.

What we should be doing is prioritising our fucks for the things that REALLY matter.