The Kink Scene is Like Cops and Robbers

When I was in nursery school my best friend, Nicola, and I used to play cops and robbers. We'd stand on opposite sides of the field, run towards each other, then scream bloody murder. Then we’d run some more. Did I say it was good game? Nope, but to Nicola and I, it was the best thing since the jelly-filled orange peels we sometimes got for tea. I have no clue what cops and robbers had to do with our game, but I'm sure we both had a common understanding of when screaming was appropriate and what it had to do with Knightrider. We didn't have to explain this. Not to friends. Not to teachers. Not to anyone. That game was a no joining one, as in no extra cops because we made the rules. As long as we weren't bothering anyone, it was okay to not make sense to the rest of the playground.

This is a lesson you learn at five and forget the moment you turn 18. When it comes to sex and gender, everyone forgets they don’t get a say in other people’s games. Gay? We think you’re too immoral to marry. Bisexual? We think you need to make up your mind about who you’re into. Asexual? We think your interest in kink is weird, and why are you on Fetlife anyway?

The kink community is no better at Cops and robbers than anyone else. Your kink is not my kink and that’s okay unless you’re a sadomasochist because then you’re trotting out a childhood of abuse, and we would prefer it if you had sex the way we do. Your kink is not my kink and blood is not a kink we understand, so keep it to your friends-only album. Your kink is not my kink, and what the fuck is a glue fetish, and how on earth could anyone be into that?

In the absence of abuse, all consensual sex is Nicola and I screaming bloody murder and not feeling the need to explain it to anyone. If you’re not a part of the game, it doesn’t affect you and your opinion doesn’t matter.