Every Kind of Fetlife Kinkster

I’m a demi-sapio-poly-non-binary-neurospicy <deep breath> gluten-intolerant switch, which basically means I’m a feminist for some reason. My strap-on has been baptised in Gloria Steinem’s Great River of Holy Pee (long may she live). And yes, I really did break into her bathroom at the 31st Annual Conference for Feminist Economics. I even know what feminist economics are. Sort of.

I have this dick. It’s a most excellent dick. Here are 50 pictures of it next to various household objects.

We aren’t unicorn hunters. We’re just looking for a bisexual slave with strawberry blonde hair, greenish-blue eyes, DD breasts, olive skin, and a dramatic waist/hip ratio to live in a cage under our bed and do our dishes.

I think shibari is a kind of sammich, but you’re doing BDSM wrong. I own the eminent website The Annals of Kink <linky link> which nobody’s ever heard of but which is nonetheless very, very famous. My Super Hectic Dominationalism Course is currently discounted. I still don’t know what a shibari is, but I excel at educating FEEEEmale students by looking at their naked selfies in a hyper-educational way. I cannot currently accept male students as they keep showing me pictures of their dicks next to various household objects.

Ohmigosohmigosh. My vagina is dying. I’ve been here for, like, five days, and I still haven’t had sex yet. This is ridiculous I have needs fuck fuck fuck where are the menzzzzz???? Why aren’t they offering me their dicks? What time do the doms arrive? Here’s a picture of my vagina!!!

I’m new. What are crumbs?

Excuse me. You seem to have forgotten about my most excellent dick next to household objects.

I studied philosophy and now I have thinky thoughts about how BDSM is just an obsession neurosis that can be traced back to childhood neuropsychosis. Will you look at my dick pics next to household objects now?

I’m the ropiest rope bunny who ever was. I’ve been tied over Niagara Falls and suspended from The Eiffel Tower. I sleep in a futo and if you touch my jute I will scream in yoga.

Mainly just here to cuddle and post pictures of dogs.

I’m the only rope top at the party, and I'm very, very tired. I wear spanx! Sure, I can tie 380 rope bunnies in one night. Just form a queue on the left.

OH! So that’s how you get women to look at your dick pics!