OC Spotlight September: Logan // nsfw

for the first 25 years of logan's life, he managed to fool himself, and everyone else, into thinking that he was a good man: a loyal husband, a responsible father, a pious christian, and last but not least... completely straight. spoiler alert: he's neither of those things.

logan's story starts in scotland, at the end of the 11th century. he's a human, a warrior, married to the woman his parents arranged for him to wed, with two little children to carry on the family name. at the surface of things, logan seems even-tempered, solid, with his feet planted firmly on the ground. he takes good care of his family, their land and resources, and keeps the order in his little corner of the world. he's well-liked, reliable, and just. sure, he can be a bit morose and gloomy at times, and is known to be ruthless in battle situations, but never acts out or raises his voice or loses his temper--he barely even drinks.

but he's absolutely miserable. there's not a straight bone in logan's body. he was raised with the idea that homosexuality is a terrible sin, and is racked with guilt for the things he daydreams about, ashamed of the brief, secret encounters he's had with other men. they have all been few and far apart, and never went further than touching, but for all he knows he's already condemned himself to hell. time and time again he promises himself that he's never going to stray from the path again, that he's going to resist the temptation. 

of course, nobody knows anything about this internal struggle. the only person who threatened to tell everyone about logan's secret was a would-be lover--whom logan quieted by strangling him. slowly.

and i suppose this is a good time to drive home the point that logan is really not a good guy. he never was. his second best-kept secret is that he's a closet sadist with a love of violence. he's good at maintaining a facade of righteousness, honour, piety, and temperance, but he would probably eventually have snapped even if he had never met ariel. they're both horrible people who do horrible things. this is a villain origin story.

but i'm getting ahead of myself.

in 1095, logan is one of the scottish people who answers urban II's call for war in the holy lands--what would become known to history as the first crusade. he claims to do it out of piety, tells himself that it's a way to redeem himself for the gay "mistakes" of his past, but in reality, it's an opportunity to escape the life he loathes... and to indulge in bloodshed and death. he tries to fool himself that he's feeling fulfilled because he's "fighting in the name of the lord," but really--it's the warfare itself that gives him thrills of power in an absolutely addictive way. he doesn't care who he's fighting or why, as long as there's blood on his sword at the end of the day. 

soon after his arrival, he meets a trader with emerald green eyes, tan skin, silken hair, a velveteen voice, and a body that logan would kill to get his hands on. logan falls in lust with him instantly, but as always, he tries to resist the urge to give in to his desires. it doesn't help that the trader--ariel--makes eyes at him any chance he gets.

logan's attempts at resisting the temptation are ultimately very futile. the first few times they end up in a dark corner or empty corridor it doesn't go further than ravenous kissing (and logan's hands on ariel's ass) before logan tears himself away. ariel asks him if a kiss or two is really that bad, and logan says that he can't. but the next time he lets ariel stroke his cock through his pants before he manages to leave, and the time after that ariel ends up seated at the edge of a table, legs wrapped around logan's waist and rubbing himself against the knight in the most inviting way.

every time, it goes a little further before logan's sense of guilt forces him to break it off. every time he promises himself that it has to end--that he can't allow himself to sin like this, that he has to pray, atone, and never meet ariel again. these first few weeks are a rollercoaster for logan, where he swings between giving in to temptation (and loving every second of it) on the one hand, and being adamant about never letting it happen again, on the other. at times, he avoids ariel like the plague--other days he scours all of jerusalem looking for him. sometimes he loathes him (for being too irresistible, too witty, too brilliant, too beautiful), sometimes he adores him more than he could ever express. 

either way, he dreams about him every night, and sometimes even seems to glimpse his face on the street, in the corner of his eye in an empty room, on the battlefield--wearing an expression of pleased approval where others would shy away in fear. in his dreams, inbetween the rounds of lovemaking, ariel whispers to him about knowing who and what logan truly is. he says that he knows of the strangled lover, that logan doesn't love his wife or children, that he never wants to go "home" from this war. he says he knows how much logan loves to kill and main and hurt, that hell will welcome him with open arms, that he'd be a fool to hope that there'd be a place for such a beast as him in heaven. 

logan starts losing sleep, and has trouble telling dream and reality apart.

one evening, in a torch-lit corner of an old stone church, ariel sucks his cock for the first time, and logan fingers him and eats him out. he's never experienced such pleasure before--or such shame. he prays for hours after, and threatens to kill ariel if he ever tries to get close to him again. the feelings of guilt bleed into anger, and he blames everything on ariel--all his mistakes, blasphemous feelings, and sinful desires. the next time there's a big battle logan doesn't even try to hold himself back; he gets virtually blood drunk, to the point where even his fellow crusaders think that his "righteous ruthlessness against his enemies" has turned into outright cruelty.

after the battle, he finds ariel in his bedroom, naked and wet and all ready for him. logan's blood is still hot from the violence and his first instinct is to make good on his threat and murder ariel for trying to seduce him again. instead, the metaphorical chains that have been holding him back all his life finally snap. he fucks ariel like he's always wanted to fuck another man, holding nothing back. 

this act firmly brings logan past the point of no return; if he's already done it once, why not twice? thrice? ten, twenty, fifty times...? they spend most nights together, and logan goes from resenting ariel to allowing himself to love him. with time, his fondness of ariel starts turning into an obsession, bordering on worship.

and then he finds out that ariel is a demon.

once again, logan tries to kill him. he's got his sword against ariel's neck, but ariel just smiles at him, inviting him to murder him, if he so pleases. logan is a knight, a christian; he should slay this hellspawn, put an end to its existence, free himself from its grip...

when logan's sword clatter against the ground, ariel steps close, winding his arms around his neck, purring in his ear, rubbing himself against him in that way that drives logan mad with hunger for him. he practically tears ariel's clothes to pieces and fucks him against the wall--and that's when ariel knows he owns logan. 

a few days later, logan wakes up with faint black scales having appeared on his chest and back. when he confronts ariel about it ("what have you done to me") ariel basically just tells him "you'll see." every night, a few new scales appear. sometimes, it feels like his teeth are growing longer and sharper in his mouth, and his tailbone itches, and his lungs burn. he has dreams about fire and destruction, but they're not nightmares--he wakes up feeling triumphant, elated, eager.

allowing himself to love ariel makes the rest of his facade crumble. the other crusaders start noticing the change in him, how he's become more grim, less patient, more prone to violence and confrontation even outside the battlefield. a few of them suspect he's more than just friends with that green-eyed trader, but they don't want to believe it. logan is their brother-in-arms, a fellow knight of god, one of the best men among them. he wouldn't, would he...?

as the scales creep further across his torso and limbs, the inhibitions that have plagued him all his life starts to fade. he's always worked hard to be someone he's not, to fight for things he doesn't believe in or care about. he's always tried to be what everyone wanted him to be, what he thought he was supposed to be. a good son, husband, and father; a virtuous follower of god; a righteous warrior and a just lord. 

now he can barely remember why he bothered to try to begin with. the other crusaders watch him gradually go from approachable and easy-going to intimidating and forbidding; he talks less, but the things he says concerns them; they've seen the dark look in his eye before, on the battlefield, but now he wears it all the time; even the way he moves has changed, to something that reminds them of a predator on the prowl.

one day, after another battle, blood boiling form the joy of fighting and the smell of death, the itching of his scales grows unbearable. logan runs from the battlefield into the cliffs, tearing off his armour and scratching at his skin with fingernails that have turned into claws. his bones twist and snap as they grow larger, forcing his flesh to follow suit; black scales cover his hardened hide, his spine sprouts a tail, his jaws lengthen into a snout and his eyes melt into his skull, yet somehow he can still see. he stumbles to the ground, tearing up the rocks with his talons, overwhelmed with a combination of pain and feeling stronger than ever; he shouts in frustration, but it comes out as a roar.

ariel sits on a nearby cliff, calmly watching his lover turn into a black dragon for the first time. logan's appearance is finally matching his soul. he was always a monster.

by now, other people have started blaming logan's strange behaviour on ariel. they start talking about dark magic, about how ariel must have seduced and bewitched the once so honourable and reliable man. but few dare confront logan about it, and those who do finds themselves talking to someone who's obsessed and devoted beyond salvation--and fully ready to beat them to a pulp for saying so much as a bad word about ariel. 

it's only when logan's childhood friend talks to him that logan has a final moment of hesitation. they've grown up together, and the friend in question admits that he's always known that logan is gay and never thought the worse of him for it. logan makes one last attempt at resisting ariel, telling him to go away, leave him alone, never come back. "you've turned me into a demon." "i haven't turned you into anything." an icy cold feeling grips logan when ariel says "have it your way, then. i'll leave." 

the next morning, logan wakes up alone. it's not long before the panic settles in and he realises he has to find ariel again. he searches everywhere, for days on end, but he's nowhere to be found. in his search he grows angry and frantic, and is eventually convinced that the other knights have done something to ariel. he confronts them about it, and while they claim not to know what he's talking about, they all think it's for the better that ariel is gone. logan refuses to believe they have nothing to do with it, and it escalates into a fight where the others accuse logan of copulating with a witch (or worse), of allowing himself to get corrupted, that he has to get cleansed. logan eventually loses it. in front of their eyes he shifts into a black dragon, killing them all and burning the building to the ground.

hours later he's stumbling through the desert, howling out his sorrow, like a wounded animal mourning the loss of its master. as far as he knows ariel is gone, and the worst part is he thinks it's his own fault--he had told ariel to go away, but now he doesn't know what to do without him. it's the greatest pain he's ever felt, and the only thing he can think to do is beat his knuckles bloody against the rocks.

suddenly he feels ariel's hands cup his face, his lips against his forehead, soft hushing in his ear. they sit on the ground for what feels like hours, logan with his arms locked around his lover, vowing to never let ariel go again. logan promises his soul, his body, his everything to him, and the golden collar wraps itself around his neck, marking that he belongs to ariel. 

it was a test. ariel wanted to see what logan would do if he thought ariel had been taken away from him. thing is, ariel hadn't planned on getting attached to this mortal--he hadn't planned on ever returning. ariel is the prime of lust, one of the foremost demons of hell. but seeing logan slay his brethren without hesitation, and hearing his wordless howls of anguish in the desert...? ariel ... felt something he hadn't expected. 

from that moment on, logan only ever leaves ariel's side when he commands him to. from that moment on, he ceases to be a human knight; his armour turns all black, and he gains full control of his shapeshifting. from that moment on, his whole life revolves around ariel. he's his lover, champion, servant, bodyguard, and pet dragon all in one. he's unquestionably loyal and obedient, following his every order without even blinking.

but at the same time he's more untamed than ever, because ariel is the only person he'll obey, his only master. he's finally free, to do whatever he wants to do, be the monster he always was beneath those layers of faked humanity. he's selfish, violent, sadistic, and destructive. he has no personal ambitions besides serving ariel and living a life unshackled from the inhibitions that plagued him while he was still only a human. now he's a demon, a dragon, drunk on his own power and strength and freedom.

a few months later he goes back to his ancestral scottish home--and ariel comes with him. ariel sits himself down on the lord's seat as if it was his throne, to the great chagrin of logan's wife. when she confronts logan about it he murders her, his parents, and his childhood friend--the last fragmentary memory of his humanity. 

the two of them go on to wreak havoc in the holy land (their arc is in fact called "the dragon of jerusalem"), and then in the rest of the world. there's much more to their story, but i can't tell all of it here. for example, at one point, logan loses a fight against an angel, almost dying from the wounds inflicted by the holy weapons; ariel has to ask the devil himself for help, and logan has to go through a painful ritual that won't guarantee his survival. it's ariel's turn to worry about losing his lover, but thankfully, logan ultimately survives--and years later he gets his revenge, once he's grown more powerful than the angel that almost killed him. 

another time one of ariel's rivals, the prime of pride, takes control of logan as a way to get back at ariel. ariel ends up offering the prime of pride a bunch of his legions of demons to get logan back, and that's when logan understands that ariel has come to love him as much as logan loves ariel. 

speaking of angels, it turns out that the archangel michael had once had his eye on logan, who had seemed like such a good specimen of virtuous, god-fearing humanity. michael had planned to turn logan into a heavenly champion, kind of marking his soul for that purpose, and as a result, logan even looks a bit like michael's human form. but alas, ariel beat him to it. as you can imagine, this leads to some interesting scenes with the two of them and michael. 

last but not least, the most important detail of all: yes. logan has a scottish accent.

---

logan is one of my favourite characters, and this was simultaneously incredibly fun and very challenging to write. there's so much i could tell you so i had to narrow it down, and even then this turned into quite a long read. hope you enjoyed, and as always, feel free to leave any questions below! <3 

// art + character © me.