Chapter 7: The Ever-Positive Angel Is in Charge of the Magical Girl's Mental Care

Magical Girl Black (Yoo Seo-ah)

Several days passed since that day.

Monsters kept appearing almost daily.

Each time, I went out and killed them.

Each time, I felt my sanity wear away piece by piece.

Today, as usual, I responded to a monster alert and went out to kill it.

It was one of those types built from animal with skin so tough blades couldn’t cut it, so I beat it until it was a pulp, bludgeoned it to death.

As a result, I was completely drenched in blood.

“Ugh…!”

Even while flying through the sky, I kept gagging.

I staggered into a deserted alley as quickly as I could.

“Urrgh… huuueegh…!”

As soon as I confirmed there was no one around, I released the transformation.

The stench of blood was so thick, it twisted my stomach.

I stumbled, collapsed to my knees, and began vomiting.

The world lost all its color as I reverted.

Except for the bright red blood soaking my body, everything else turned to ash.

Ash gray.

As if the whole world had burned down and only cinders remained.

It’s been several days since the angel disappeared.

And just like Myoa warned, I’ve been breaking down.

The warmth I so desperately craved, the hope I finally tasted—has now become poison.

That long-forgotten feeling, buried deep in my chest, started to rise again.

The scab over a wound that had only just started to heal peeled off, and the injury split open once more.

‘Don’t remember…! Don’t you dare remember…!’

I worked so hard to forget.

Only just got used to feeling nothing again.

Resentment, sadness, loneliness, pain—all sorts of emotions I had finally let fade began to storm through me again.

All because of one single day of warmth.

All because of that—I’m remembering what it means to feel like a human.

“Haaah… Haaah…”

I was gasping, hands on the ground, when the blood soaking my body dripped down my face and into my mouth.

The sickening metallic taste and foul smell were so unbearable I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Hugh…! Huueeaaargh!!”

I tried to hold it in.

I tried to endure it.

I told myself that someday, the light would return again.

That this pain was just a thorny path leading to happiness.

Like a seed sprouting through snow in the freezing winter.

Once the loneliness and suffering were over, I’d be able to smile again like everyone else.

I’m a magical girl, after all.

I have to be able to overcome this.

That’s what I told myself.

That’s what I used to believe.

But days passed. Weeks. Months. Years.

And nothing changed.

The more I killed, the more people cheered for me.

— Thank you, Black!

— Damn… She brought it down in one blow! As expected, Magical Girl Black is the best!!

— Woooo! You’re amazing, Black!!

I killed.

Washed, killed, washed, and killed again.

So many times the stench of blood is practically part of me now. That ingrained smell wouldn’t go away even after washing.

Yet they still cheer, clap, praise me.

As if the weight I carry—this suffocating guilt—meant nothing to them. They just cheered and rejoiced at what they saw on the surface.

What glitters. What shines. None of them understands my pain, and no one could.

And the more days pass, the heavier this burden of guilt I carry alone becomes.

But still, people celebrate the mountain of corpses I’ve left behind. They placed their hopes and expectations on it.

I wanted to scream at them: Don’t look at me like that. It’s too much. I can’t carry this anymore.

But I couldn’t.

I couldn’t let it out.

All I could do was swallow it—these rotting, festering emotions eating away at me from the inside.

I wanted to give up, but I couldn’t.

— I wanna be a super strong magical girl like you, Seo-ah unnie!

Because if I stopped walking this path, then someone younger than me…

Someone weaker than me… would be forced to carry it instead.

That’s why I endured it. Why I kept pushing through.

Until it became habit. Until I numbed myself to it.

But no one can truly become numb to killing. No one can ever get used to it.

I was just being worn down and chipped away by the repeated pain.

— Seo-ah-ssi!

I hadn’t become used to it; I was just turning a blind eye to my emotions.

I wasn’t hardened; I was just convincing myself I had no other choice.

Just because something repeats doesn’t mean it gets easier; doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

It's just that after repeating the act of enduring and persevering, it becomes a routine, one you mistake for strength.

And the proof is right here.

Look at the state I’m in now just from a single day.

A single night of warmth.

And I’m already this broken.

This ruined.

“Huueeaarghh!! Cough… kaah… guuh… bleeeh!!”

It hurts.

It hurts so much I feel like my heart is being torn apart.

I thought I’d finally gotten numb.

I thought I was finally okay again…

‘I don’t want to…’

I want to quit this kind of painful thing and live a normal life.

I want to laugh and joke with friends like everyone else.

I want to see my mom.

I want to talk with my dad.

Even if I can’t have that, can’t I at least let go of this guilt?

This horrible, soul-crushing weight of taking lives?

“I don’t want this anymore…”

And now I know.

I finally understand.

As a magical girl, I opened a box I never should have touched.

A Pandora’s box that must never be opened.

Because magical girls, the ones meant to give hope, can’t have hope for themselves.

If I hold hope in my own heart, then I’m stealing it away from someone else who needs it more.

Because hope isn’t infinite.

Because love isn’t infinite.

That’s why someone has to step up and sacrifice themselves.

That’s what we exist for.

“I don’t want to lose anyone ever again…”

I’m a magical girl.

Drip… drip…

It falls.

Not from my eyes, but from the sky.

Rain pours from above, soaking my hair, trailing down my face.

Rain, mixed with monster blood, turns to red tears as it hits the ground.

As expected, no tears came out.

Maybe that’s what being a magical girl means—you’re not allowed to cry.

You’re supposed to keep smiling. Act like everything’s fine. Show them how strong and happy you are.

“It’s not fair…”

What kind of cruel life is this?

A world where I’m not even allowed to cry?

If that’s the kind of world I have to live in, then maybe I’d rather just die—…

“Yoo Seo-ah!”

I flinched and looked up at the voice coming from above my head.

There, an angel holding an umbrella was descending toward me.

It was the angel who hadn't shown her face all this time.

It was the angel I had wanted to see so badly, but ironically, now when she appeared before my eyes, resentment came before joy.

This is all your fault.

The warmth you shared broke me.

Bitter words blaming you swirled inside my mouth.

I bit my lip until it bled just to keep them in.

And finally, the only thing I could say was:

“...Why are you here?”

“Because I heard your suffering, Yoo Seo-ah-ssi.”

How cruel.

Why are you saying that now?

If you were going to come, why not sooner?

Why now… after everything?

“You know that’s not what I meant. Why are you here, right now?”

“The rain started coming down all of a sudden. I was worried you might be out here getting soaked.”

She answered so casually.

And before I realized it, my fist was clenched tight.

I knew I shouldn’t feel this way, but I couldn’t help it.

I hated her in that moment.

‘No.’

No. Get a grip.

If I lash out now, I’m just throwing a tantrum at someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Hold it in. Hold it together.

“Are you okay?”

She handed me the umbrella.

And just like that, the rain stopped falling on my head.

It’s nothing.

It’s just an umbrella.

But the moment it touched me, that same warmth I had vomited up days ago came flooding back through my body.

I bit my lip again.

Drip… drip…

“If you stay out here like this, you’ll catch a cold. Let’s go back home—”

She reached out her hand.

Warmth is approaching me.

The same warmth that ruined me.

The warmth that made me confront my wounds.

Smack!

“Ouch…!”

“Get that away from me!”

“S-Seo-ah-ssi…?”

I gritted my teeth at her expression as if asking why I was doing this.

Because of who do you think I’m like this?

“Seo-a—”

“Don’t say my name!! You don’t get to say my name so carelessly like that—like we’re anything! Who the hell do you think you are!?”

All the rotting feelings exploded.

From the wound that had festered so long it began to rot, the blood came pouring out.

“Who… who asked you to do any of this!? You don’t know what I’m going through, what I’ve been struggling with, what I carry, and yet you just show up out of nowhere, throwing around your kindness like it’s candy…! I was fine! I didn’t need anyone’s help!!”

If only I’d kept forgetting, I wouldn’t be in so much pain right now.

Like the wolf I killed earlier, I could’ve lived my whole life in that same ash-gray, just giving up.

I could’ve kept going; kept tearing away the hope I held for myself and given it to others.

I’d have been able to live my life as a magical girl... nothing more.

“This is all your fault…! You ruined everything…! You’re the one who ruined it all! Why now… why now…!”

The tears poured out.

Resentment and bitterness poured out.

“If it weren’t for you…!! If only it weren’t for you… I wouldn’t be in this much pain…! I could’ve kept being a magical girl!!”

I grabbed the filth off the ground and hurled it.

Anything I could get my hands on, I threw it all—screaming, cursing, spitting rage.

“Get out! I said get out!! If you’re just going to disappear again, then disappear for good! Get out of my sight!!”

Like a porcupine, I fired every spine of rage I had, lashing the angel with my words.

And yet, even as filth flew at her, she walked toward me without hesitation.

“Why… why are you coming closer…!? I told you not to come near me!!”

She stopped right in front of me.

And then, she stepped into the mess I had thrown up, completely unfazed, and gently stroked my face.

From the place where her hand met my cheek, warmth began to spread.

“I’m sorry. For disappearing without a word.”

The angel said that as she wiped the blood off my face.

She could… wipe it away?

“You said you didn’t need my help. You told me I was overstepping… So I thought maybe it was better if I stepped back for a while. I believed Seo-ah-ssi would be okay on her own. But I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

“Don’t pretend to understand…”

“It’s been hard, hasn’t it? Fighting every day soaked in blood… Living a life no one understands—where you have to kill.”

“How would you know anything about that…?”

“Because I can see it. I see you buried beneath a mountain of corpses. I hear your voice, crying for help under the weight of guilt. I see the tears that no one else sees, because they refuse to look.”

She sees me.

She’s the only one who truly sees me.

Just knowing that made my chest ache.

It made me happy… and made me resent her all over again.

“If you saw it… if you understand me... if you knew... then you should’ve just said something…! Why disappear without a word and show up only now!?”

Were you trying to deceive me? Did you do it on purpose to see me suffer?

I shouted that and slammed my fists into her chest.

It was my fist, the one from the strongest magical girl.

There's no way it wouldn't hurt.

I punched her hard enough to make a thud! thud! sound.

But the angel didn't show any signs of pain.

She just wrapped her arms around me and held me tight.

“I thought… if I showed you that I knew everything from the start, you’d push me away. That’s why I asked to talk to you slowly, gently, that first day.”

Even that had been for my sake.

And with those words… the last thorn inside me snapped.

The resolve I had as a magical girl shattered.

And finally, tears began to flow from my own eyes, which I thought were now dried up.

Not from the sky. Not raindrops. But tears, real tears, from me.

“Hiiiccc… waaaahhh!!”

“It’s okay to cry. Cry as much as you need. I’ll accept it all.”

Her soft, angelic wings wrapped around me like a blanket.

And in that moment, I wasn’t Magical Girl Black.

I was Yoo Seo-ah.

Just one broken, exhausted human.

I cried in the angel’s arms for a long time.

I poured out my anger, my grief, my loneliness, my regret.

Until I had nothing left.

Until I couldn’t cry anymore.

The sky cleared to a bright, blue morning—

But the rain didn’t stop.

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