BEHIND THE SCENES #18 - MAY 2022 WEEK 1

ayo!!!!! whatsup yall!!! its time for our first weekly behind the scenes post!! B)

first things first, i gotta say i REALLY enjoyed doing the daily updates this week, and found it overall much easier!! so, i think i'm gonna stick to doing those from now on :D!! there's not really enough content in a single daily update to do a whole behind the scenes post though, so i decided i'm just gonna do a weekly bts post that talks about everything that happened in the past five updates!! these posts will be longer and more detailed, with way more things to talk about--so, i hope you'll enjoy em!! >:3cc

so... this week's updates!! there's honestly a TON to talk about, cause this week was super experimental for me--i tried out a BUNCH of stuff, some of it sticking, some of it not; but i'm pretty happy with the results overall!! i think there's still a lot more experimenting to do--i especially wanna figure out if i can manage to work a chat-log style of conversation into regular updates without it feeling out of place--but for now, things are looking pretty good!!

okay, let's get into it!! the first thing i wanted to talk about was penny's angst about being embarrassing, and how i'm trying to reshape her personality a little bit through it...

so-- at the start of the story, i'm sure you remember that penny was very distinctly self-conscious about pretty much everything she said and did around eve--while still frequently making a fool of herself, or course... but, i feel like, as the story went on, i sort of leaned a little too much into her more flustered and puppy-like characteristics, and ended up losing some of the sincerity that being self-conscious lent her often weird or over the top actions... i still think the puppy stuff is VERY cute, and there WILL be a lot more of it, but it didn't feel quite as authentic or realistic to me to have her ALWAYS act like that...

so, what i want to do with this (and the next few updates) is sort of return her to the status quo she was at at the start--though slightly more confident, given that she's spent a lot more time with eve now, and they've established a bond!!

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[pennys life is truly just endless gay suffering.... she cannot catch even ONE singular break]

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exploring the more serious/realistic side of the characters is actually gonna be somewhat of a theme in the end of this chapter--without spoiling too much, eve will also get some screentime to think about what's happened so far, and how she's felt about it!! and chase/chellsea has already gotten some additional screentime to show off one of their main struggles as well--all of this to hopefully ground the story a bit, before the next chapter, where a lot more fantastical elements come into play!! (though still all based in the main four character's relationships and adventures, ofc B))

honestly, we've only just gotten started on the things going on in each of these character's heads--it's been probably the hardest thing to write so far for me, just cause i'm not really used to writing serious stuff!!! but i think i'm getting better, bit by bit >:3c...

i've actually developed a sort of... creed, almost?? in recent days, about how to approach more serious topics from here on out... which is mainly just that i'll do it in small pieces, with a lot of happier stuff inbetween!! and, making sure to always keep it fairly lighthearted as well... this is still a happy gay romance story, afterall!! i don't ever want it to get TOO serious... at least, not for a long time!! and when it finally does get a bit more serious, i want it to feel well earned!!

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[very happy to bring back marzipan (da seal plush) this week hehehe... she has been my constant companion as i write this story!!! if u didnt know, this is a real plush toy you can buy--i highly recommend it B) she is a little grey oval of joy....]

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another thing i wanted to talk about was the experimenting i did this week with various colors/shapes of the speech bubbles, and the work i did to try and figure out a way to put chat-log style conversations into regular updates!!

so... something i've come to realize this week, as i was writing penny and chase's lengthy text conversation, is that i am MUCH more comfortable writing conversations in that format than in any other way--and, as far as i can tell, much better at it that way!! my reasoning for this is that i've been watching the comments a lot recently, and saw a very noticeable increase in the number of people mentioning that they found the conversations/jokes i wrote funny in the updates with chase and penny texting... i'm sure some of that is just because there was so MUCH text in those ones, but still, it really stood out to me!!

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[the chatty bitches themselves... these half n half panels with both penny and chase are pretty obviously inspired by the ones above pesterlogs in homestuck, ahaha--all roads lead to homestuck in the end...]

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i think the reason it's so much easier for me is probably cause i spent sO MUCH TIME texting people when i was growing up... so writing those kinda conversations just sort of flows outta my brain naturally!! whereas i have to think a lot more about what a conversation with a bunch of actions inbetween sentences would look like...

a goal i had for these daily updates was to figure out a way to combine these two things, basically putting a lot more dialogue in a text-chat style between each panel, so you'd be getting more and better content per update--i wasn't able to find out a way to do it this week, but hey, i'ma keep trying!! that's ultimately what i really wanna do, so i'm gonna keep trying stuff until i find a way that's easy to read, looks good, AND delivers a lot of additional dialogue!! idc how long it takes!!! dats da plan babey!!! B)

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[this is a mockup of something i tried to achieve this effect--unfortunately, it looked like shit]

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it's honestly like. WEIRDLY hard to do it in a way that feels natural--i think most of the problem is that, if i wanna do the dialogue between characters like a chat log without it looking out of place, i ALSO have to find a way to do that for monologues, which is a MUCH greater task.... having only a single character talking in a chat log style ends up looking... REALLY weird, as i'm sure you can see above....

something i also considered was just switching to a chat-log style for conversations, whereas any monologues would use speech bubbles as usual--but, i'm not really sure ifi like that either... like, switching willy-nilly like that might make the whole thing read kind of weirdly, i feel like? i'm not sure though... i'll probably try something like it next week, just to see what people think!! i'm trying... very hard,,, to find something good, ahaha--thanks for bearing with me on it!! <3

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[penny putting the fear of god into chellsea LMAO... idk whats in the needle tho... maybe hotdog water...?]

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and the last thing i really wanted to talk about, was writing the transition arc for chase/chellsea!!

i think, out of all the things i've written for this story, chellsea's transition is probably my favorite... my absolute favorite part of writing is seeing the way my stories resonate with people, even MORE so when they say it's something they've never seen represented before, and it makes them happy to see it on a screen...that sentiment honestly makes my whole day every time i see it ;w;!! it just makes me so happy to know my story can do that for people... idk!!! just epic i think!! :3

as far as representation goes, a proper transition in real time is something i really haven't seen represented much either!! it feels like, at least to me, trans characters in media are often more of an afterthought, or something that gets shown offhand in one frame, or a vague comment--and, I can't blame people for doing that... i mean, most people aren't trans!! writing a detailed story about a real life experience doesn't really work if you haven't... y'know, experienced it!

sidenote, that's also why i try to keep a lot of my character's struggles in the vein of things i've personally witnessed or experienced, OR just make them more fantastical in nature--for example, adrian and ava growing up in a private orphanage was a more fantastical take on that idea than, say, having them grow up in the foster care system (cause at least where i live, orphanages haven't existed for a really long time!!) i'd much rather write something that doesn't risk feeling insincere because i got a lot of details wrong, even if it comes at the cost of some believably!!

being trans, though, is something i do have a lot of experience with!! 22 years in fact!! B) and given that that's been probably the hardest thing i've had to deal with first-hand in my life, i always wanted to put that experience at the center of this story--people always say if you want representation you should make it yourself, right? >:]c

more than anything with this narrative, i really want the trans people reading it to feel like they can see themselves in the story. to that end, i'm putting a ton of effort into to including a lot of often ignored aspects of trans-ness in media; for example, all the subtle little ways gender gets brought up in conversation before you come out, with it passing off as a joke, or an offhand comment.

that was my goal with chellsea making up some elaborate reason to be called miss instead of mister, lmao--i can remember SO many times where i would like, purposely let people online believe i was a girl, or even just tell people jokingly to refer to me as a girl for whatever reason--it's something that just sort of... happens!! even before you know you're trans, the idea still finds its way into your conversations and daily life in subtle ways... its like your heart knows before your brain does!!

i also wanted to make it clear that not everyone has a clean and easy journey to accepting their trans-ness--for example, i had an extremely close family member that i spent nearly all my time around at the time come out as trans, and despite that fact, and me being exposed to the exact same things i was feeling super directly through that person, i stayed in denial until years in the future!! to anyone who hadn't gone through it, you'd think chase not knowing they're trans would be insane, given that they spend so much time around penny--and despite that, somehow, it ends up being more realistic that way!!

those are the sorts of things that writing from experience can bring, which is why i'm so thankful there's so many more people making shows and comics based on their own unique experiences these days!! it's so wonderful to see so many sides of life, straight from the source!! :D

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[the fated skirt... this'll come up in the story later, but this skirt is actually an old dressup one from when penny and chellsea were kids--i specifially included the line about her having the same clothes from when she was twelve to justify this thing still fitting LMAO]

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anyways, yeah!!! i think i've waffled on for long enough about being trans, ahaha-- i think i've talked about pretty much everything i wanted to here, though, so i'll probably call it a day here on this post!!! B) i've been super enjoying the daily updates, so i gotta get back to working on more of em, hehe!!

as always, thank you guys so much for your support--i really can't tell you enough how much it means to me!! i'll be back next week with another post, but until then, take care, and stay epic!! <3<3 :D!!