LP MoM Earworm 8

Jackpot!

—

Their time in Angel Grove was (thankfully) brief, and they were given a short respite to drop Joan off with her grandfather. (She was then ultimately taken by her great-grandmother before Artemis could get a word in of protest). Of course then the metaphysical dill pickle that was messing with their lives whisked them off again.

“When I meet the bastard doing this to us. I’m punching a hole in his gut.” Thalia growled as she rubbed her neck. “I think I landed on a mattress.”

Yes. She did. A lumpy, unmade, uncovered and bloodstained mattress. Huuughgh.

“Oh, my sympathy.“ Whiskers muttered as he pulled himself out of a dumpster, a bright white wig on his head. He pulled it off and stared at it. “Why is this in someone’s bed-?”

“Alright, motherfuckers!” A white haired guy in a wife beater and black jeans kicked the door open and pointed a pair of pistols at them. “I’ll give you hellspawned Yahoos to the count …of… You know, common courtesy would be to ask the owner of the place before you defile their bedroom.”

“Piss off, Cottonhead.” Thalia snapped, her spear summoned on reflex started to spark. “I’m in no fucking mood right now.”

“That time of the month, huh?”

“…Wow, he legitimately said that to your face.” Whiskers muttered. He sounded impressed. Admittedly, Thalia would be impressed as well, were she not blinded by her infamous rage.

“You die, now!”

“Girl, you have no idea how often I hear that from women.” The guy grinned as he focused both of his guns on her. “You want a job?”

“I want your head on my mantlepiece!” Thalia snarled.

“Time out, time out!” Whiskers intervened, stepping between the two with his hands outstretched. He gave Thalia a pointed look and then looked back at Whitehead Gunsmith. “We’re not demonic, but we did traverse dimensions. Is your world familiar with that?”

“Well, you’re either from here, or Hell. You tell me, Croissant man.”

“…I…What?” Whiskers was gobsmacked.

“Can I kill him now?” Thalia asked.

“Again, you wouldn’t be the first woman that would try.” The to-be-killed Sass-Machine sniped.

“Look, wait, can we start over?” Whiskers sighed. He put a hand on his chest. “My name is Naruto. This is my wife, Thalia.”

Again, weird tingle up Thalia’s spine. She liked having that word come out of Whiskers’ mouth in reference to her. Implication being they were recognized as belonging to each other, i.e., Whiskers was HERS.

“Mozel tov! Let’s break out the pizza and beer!” The jerk ass snarked. “Name’s Dante. This is my office-slash-house. Do not defile it with your honeymoon.”

“Wasn’t planning on —Dante? Devil Hunter, Dante?” Whiskers asked. Oh, no, did he know and like this asshole? Gods dammit, Whiskers always killed her murder-boner!

“I see you’ve heard of me. Weird, usually it’s only the demons that know me by that name.”

“Ah.” Whiskers seemed to realize he effed up. “I got a job for you?”

“We’re a bit past that part, Nafrudo.”

“That wasn’t even close.”

“I wasn’t even trying.” Dante smirked.

“Yeah, should’ve figured.” Whiskers sighed. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Opening it and reveal—holy shit!

“Where did you get that money?!” Thalia hissed. Whiskers blinked at her.

“One of my clones came up with the idea of being mercenaries while we were fighting Repulsa for the third time. Hashed out a deal with the mayor. Brought most of the first month pay back. Had uncle Fred make it legit, since, entertainment money.”

Her lover was a genius.

“What, you think you’re gonna buy your way out of this fight?”

“You haven’t once tried to turn the lights on and I can smell your bathroom from here.”

“…Alright, how much you think you got?”

“Five grand up front to hear us out, another ten if you don’t take the job to help us get home but give us a lead.” Thalia gaped. Whiskers offered fifteen thousand dollars like it was nothing. “Fifty if you take the job and help us get home. Half upon acceptance, the rest half a second before we leave.”

“You just carry fifty grand on you?” Dante asked incredulously. Whiskers stared him down. They stared for a good second and then the Almighty Libido offered a fun thought.

(What if they kissed right now?)

Strangely, Thalia wasn’t totally opposed to seeing that happen. She wouldn’t be thrilled, don’t misunderstand, but she wouldn’t feel threatened either.

Still, not the time.