LIVING IN SIN - Chapter 31 (Final Chapter), On a Dime
Added 2025-11-06 06:57:23 +0000 UTCAnd this wraps up book 1 of LIS. Let me know how you liked it, both the chapter and book. I will likely continue the storyline soon. It's up in the air at the moment what I'm actually going to work on for my second story and how I'll publish it. There is also a nice picture of Stacy and Hannah. Not a spoiler, by the way. And SFW unless you work in a place where everyone has a stick up their ass.
Comments
Hi Al Similar to David above I've been a fan for as long as I can remember after discovering your work on Storiesonline. I have to disagree with David, I've found LIS well developed, with great characters, situations and most of all humour, it has had me LOLing as well as rooting for Maggie and Scott Can't wait for book two and in the meantime am devouring Intemp chapters as they come out Kind regards Alan
Alan Miller
2025-11-20 12:18:57 +0000 UTCThanks for taking the time to write all that out. Seriously—you’ve been reading my work for over twenty years, and anyone who’s stuck with me that long gets listened to. I respect the hell out of that. Now let me be straight with you. 1. Short stories and “classic arcs” Those early ASSTR days were a different animal. Short form. Tight focus. One setup, one payoff, done. Easy to aim. Easy to fire. That’s the nature of short fiction. But Living in Sin isn’t built on that chassis, and neither are the later Intemperance books. They were never meant to be neatly packaged novels with a tidy three-act structure. They’re world-driven, character-driven, long-form chronicles. They follow these people the way real life follows people—messy, nonlinear, emotional, unpredictable. Some readers prefer the neat arc. Some prefer the lived-in world. I write both, and LIS belongs firmly in the second category. 2. The EMT/LEO calls You said the calls don’t “advance the core narrative.” Here’s the blunt truth: Those calls ARE the narrative. Cops don’t exist in a vacuum. Their relationships, sex lives, traumas, neuroses, and screw-ups don’t sprout out of clean plot mechanics—they grow out of what they live through every day. The maggots, the hoarders, the domestic violence calls, the tweakers—they’re not side quests. They’re the ecosystem the characters come from. Take that away and Scott and Maggie aren’t real anymore. They’re cardboard cutouts pretending to be cops. You can’t write about a chef and skip the kitchen. You can’t write about a soldier and skip the war. You can’t write about cops and skip the job. Not if you want honesty. 3. “Plan the whole arc first” Good advice for a standard novel. Terrible advice for a serial character saga. Aftermath had an ending from day one. DIAO had an ending from day one. Living in Sin doesn’t, because it’s not that type of story. It’s not designed to be a single arc—it’s designed to show the evolution of these characters over time. It’s a long-form immersion in a world. More The Wire than The Great Gatsby. If I forced a traditional structure onto it, it wouldn’t be the same story. It wouldn’t be this honest. It would be something safer and more formulaic. That’s not what I’m doing here. 4. Editors Editors can be great. They can also sanitize a story into something bland and middle-of-the-road. I know exactly the kind of story I’m writing here, and I trust my own sense of authenticity more than someone who’s going to ask me to shave off all the corners to make the ride smoother. The corners are the point. 5. Bottom line Your critique is fair—for the kind of fiction you most enjoy. I get it. Truly. But Living in Sin is intentionally built differently. It’s about realism. It’s about the culture I grew up in and have worked around all my life. It’s about cops as they actually live, not as screenwriters think they live. And real life doesn’t stick to a neat outline or remove everything that doesn’t directly advance a romance beat. I’m telling the story the way it needs to be told. Not the way it fits into a writing workshop’s definition of “structure.” And the fact that you’ve been reading my work for this long? That means a hell of a lot to me. I appreciate the feedback, even when I don’t agree with every part of it. Thanks for sticking with me.
Al Steiner
2025-11-17 12:06:28 +0000 UTCI've read a lot of your work, Al, starting 20+ years ago on ASSTR. I read the short stories (e.g. At the Faraway Club, the Babysitter) and really enjoyed that form. The short-form stories have a scenario with the classic story arch -- exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution. They are focused, they have only the characters needed, and there are no digressions or side-quests. They are engaging, single serving reads that have more than a little sex. I've read the longer-form works as they were published: Aftermath, Greenies, Doing it All Over, Correct Destiny, Intemperance, and now Living in Sin. I like your writing, and I keep coming back to it. I want you to keep writing so that I can keep reading. And, because you asked how I like Living In Sin, I want to share a couple of comments. In my opinion LIS and post-success-of-the-band Intemperance suffer from being serials. I have the impression that you have not yet nailed down the full story arch for either storyline. DIAO and Aftermath are long, but they tell a story that has those classic story arch elements, and they have a resolution; they end in a way that feels complete and satisfying. The first two books of Intemperance are that way as well. I think that sense of "I told the tale" is part of the reason that several years passed before you picked up the Intemp storyline again. It's fun to be reacquainted with the characters, but the driving force of the narrative, of the story, isn't what it was in Climbing the Rock or Standing on Top. I'm not current on Intemperance -- I wait for you to publish the eBook and buy it on Amazon -- so my apologies if my comments are out of date. I feel like we're just following along as Jake and crew age (and die?), and that rather than getting to know them better through their challenges, we're instead taken on journeys with new characters who are not central to the story. Similarly, LIS has at its core a good set of characters and narrative but is weighed down by sub-plots. I get that you have a lot of experience as an EMT and you've seen a lot of weird shit happen on your calls. I don't think they generally move the story along and instead interrupt the progression of the main story -- the relationship of Scott and Maggie. Scenes of hoarders growing maggots in their flesh don’t help Scott understand how he feels about Maggie. The plot element of Judith Linden / Jessica Blakely on the other hand does serve a purpose, namely a reason for Scott & Maggie to spend time with Lena, and for Lena to get them together. Take the EMT stories and put them together as vignettes, as standalone scenes that can exist in the LIS universe, but don't slow the core narrative of Scott and Maggie by punctuating LIS with them. I would offer these elements of encouragement: map out your story arch before writing, include new characters or sub-plots only when they materially advance the core narrative, and consider engaging one or more of your supporters as an editor -- not to change your tone or voice, but to ask you pointed questions about "is this part advancing your story". I'll say it again. I like your writing, and I keep coming back to it. I want you to keep writing so that I can keep reading.
David Smith
2025-11-16 21:13:33 +0000 UTCYou have definitely done yourself proud with this story and in particular this chapter. The cliffhanger leading to the second book is there and Dover is toes over the edge with his last action. Someone else mentioned all the other turmoil about to enter his life but there will also be tons of turmoil in the form of personal emotional stress and strain! Great chapter and I can’t wait for the next book to start!
John pritchett
2025-11-09 13:57:39 +0000 UTCExcellent ending for the first book AL. We all look forward to whatever you come up with next. This was really, really good. I loved it!
Mkrayn
2025-11-09 03:09:10 +0000 UTC
