Ray's Place — Cure For Insomnia, Business Fashion, The Truth About Lying

Dear Ray, Lately I seem to be the victim of a sort of self-induced insomnia. There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day! So by the time I reach the end of it I don't want to just lie down and get to the next one. I want to relax and spend my free time. However this invariably ends up with me staying [up] late, sleeping in later, and losing more time in the day. What can I do to solve this? —NotAnon

Dear NotAnon,

This is gonna be a little vinegar in the eyes, but it sounds like you ain’t got discipline.

Here’s what I want you to do. Every night for a week, right before you turn out the lights and go to sleep, write down all the things you did with your nightly “free time.” The next morning, read the list. Ain’t it shameful? I bet it goes like this:

1. Watched videos of people falling off ski lifts (6 hours)

2. Considered getting Duolingo (3 seconds)

Next, imagine the eulogy they’d write about you if you kicked it tomorrow. Pretty sad, right? I mean, they’d be like, “I hope he’s up in heaven now, watching the ski lift accident video he loved so much, maybe with the actual skier. He would have liked that.”  

Then, realize that your biography would fit on half a business card, and start ironin’ them jeans, son. (That’s a just figure of speech, because nothing looks more alarming than a dude with creases down the front of his jeans.)

-=Ray=-

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Dear Ray, I suddenly have work-related travel that requires a certain level of professionalism in dress. As a dude of both a certain age and counter-professional tendencies, what should I wear to fulfill my professional obligations while letting those I meet know I still got it? Cheers, Charles

Dear Charles,

This is a great question, as what constitutes men’s business wear has evolved a lot over time. It ain’t just the same old blue suit and tie, brown shoes and belt snooze that, frankly, is one of the main reasons I stayed outta the world of high finance. If I can’t rock a pastel three-piece with Givenchy shower slides, my talents will better serve elsewhere.

I ain’t suggesting you get as juicy as me, because it takes time to hone that instinct — plus a duffel of cash and a big horn ’o dope (for the tailors and salespeople; I ain’t like that stuff).

What I want you to do, though, is get to the very edge of the fashion conversation with a single element, and learn how to manage it. You know what I’m seeing in Tokyo, LA, and especially Milan this season? This year’s high-end marker for the man in the know is sashes. That’s right, instead of a belt, wrap that swivelin’ waist in some long, beautiful burgundy silk that hangs rakishly to mid-shin on one side. Even if all you got on is a collared shirt, 3/4-zip pullover, and some slacks, that sash is gonna boom the room.  

-=WhoooRay For A Guy=-

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On average, how many lies is it acceptable to tell in one calendar year? — Cy

My Guy Cy,

There is this saying, “Who you are is how you act when nobody’s looking.” I know that sounds all square and phony-aspirational, because even those “man-o-sphere” guys on social media who say that line definitely keep rewinding the clip of the guy fallin’ off the ski lift when their wife isn’t home. But it’s actually a pretty good idea. Try not to lie for half an hour sometime, starting with yourself, and see how much better you feel. You might even get so inspired and worked up that you go buy some inexpensive cedar at Home Depot and create a small length of fence in your yard. You know, not as a fence, but as a brain-body accomplishment.

Life can truly be amazing if we try something new. What if you became the world’s best fence man? Riches await a focused dude.  

-=Raimundo c. Respeto=-

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Confidential to Medusa_In_Red: Most FedEx drivers are about 5'6". Short guys look faster when zippin' up and down your steps, and this is good for the brand.