Author's Tier Chochacho! May I Request a Testimonial for Potential Patreon Subscribers?
Added 2024-06-10 18:26:23 +0000 UTCMay I ask you a small favor, as a member of Achewood's inner-est of inner sanctums?
I'm hoping to gather testimonials that persuade non-members of the Achewood Patreon that they will be happy spending their hard-won spondulicks on a subscription here.
If you believe in this message, could you please offer a membership-driving screed, either brief or voluminous? I am happy to receive them in the comments of this post, in the DMs, or via email at chris@achewood.com. (Putting them in the comments may help inspire others to set their fingertips a-preachin'.) I will attach your screen name to your quote, unless you request something else.
The Patreon game is not just one of steady, high-quality content, but also recruitment and attrition. I'm deeply grateful to report that membership numbers have been remarkably steady since I relaunched this little inflatable donut of a legacy thirteen months ago, but because Achewood has yet to be featured on Mike Rowe's Dirty Jobs, it remains a fairly quiet neighborhood on an Internet that moved on long ago. Reaching out to the special sort of person who will get lost in this rarefied trove of humor and sentimentality is vital for this project to continue in perpetuity.
Thank you in advance! Words from actual subscribers carry so much more weight than those from slimy hucksters such as myself. I think the work I'm doing here is among the best I have ever done, with the most reliable posting schedule, and it is entirely thanks to your support.
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The fine print:
Testimonials will be used in these locations: here, to reach the "free" members; on social media, such as Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram; in the Achewood shop newsletters; in places I have yet to devise, such as dramatic narrations of favorite blogs, or on a satirical podcast I want to record with my friend Jaybill. I may extricate deliciously choice sentences for standalone presentation.
Comments
There is no God but Achewood, and Onstad is its prophet. I genuinely think Achewood fills (for me) some of Pascal's "God-shaped hole". How better to recognize the presence of this new religion than the same way we recognized the old religions: by giving your money. You may not yet realize you need Achewood, but once it enters your life, things will not be the same--and they are quite likely to be better. (Also, there is no better way to come to terms with sadness than if Philippe is standing on it.)
John Robinson
2024-06-14 20:41:39 +0000 UTCI am a person with an Achewood tattoo. Whether or not this means I am wise is up for discussion, but it is undeniable that I am therefore a person who takes Achewood a bit seriously. I have memorized more Achewood than I have memorized friends' birthdays. If ever you enjoyed an Achewood in the slightest, it is as good as that now, and often times even better. If you have never enjoyed Achewood, by all means, please find out if this is up your alley, because every time somebody new comes to love Ray and Beef and the gang, the world slowly slouches towards slightly less shittiness. Do your part to make the world suck less. Read Achewood today.
Aaron J. Rushton
2024-06-14 01:41:11 +0000 UTCAchewood is proof that things don't have to suck.
Malt Schlitzman
2024-06-14 00:52:25 +0000 UTCI have loved the quirky characters of Achewood and their zany adventures through life, love, frustration and ennui for many, many years. I feel like Mr.Onstad is from the same planet, if not the very same neighborhood as I am. I genuinely hope that you will give his comic stylings a well deserved opportunity to enrich your life. As momentary distractions on the road to the grave go, I have been very hard pressed to find better.
Ollin Williams
2024-06-13 19:54:49 +0000 UTCEvery day that passes without Chris Onstad being awarded a Pulitzer is a crime against civil society.
Conor Nelson
2024-06-13 13:33:28 +0000 UTCThe Achewood revival is at the same high quality as the OG run, but the frequency and variety of updates is better than ever. Money very well spent.
FLON
2024-06-13 06:53:18 +0000 UTCAchewood has always had a deep rooted place in my heart ever since first discovering it in its early larval stages online in the wild west days of online comics. Having been so long in the dark and cold, lacking even the grim warmth of an occasional Fuck You Friday, my life began its slow, angular descent towards a hole six feet deep and rectangular in shape. Now that Chris is back, we must all feast mightily at the table he has set for us, so that we can for brief moments once more lose sight of our swiftly approaching mortality. Please note in the repost of this testimonial that I have a satirical image of Goku prostrating himself in front of Jesus Christ to really drive home the genuine nature of this post.
Nate
2024-06-12 18:15:24 +0000 UTCWhen Achewood ended its original run, I was crestfallen. When the Patreon backed restart was announced: skeptical. Now many episodes deep into the "new" Achewood I am convinced: this is a world of joy, sadness and wonder - sharply observed, beautifully rendered and a more than worthy continuation of the original lineage. Long Live Achewood - may it never end! <3
Bob W.
2024-06-12 15:26:42 +0000 UTCLoved those flowcharts. I printed all of them out and tacked them to my cubicle walls. My coworkers understood Philippe's but none of the others.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
2024-06-11 19:28:03 +0000 UTCAs I approach my fifty-fifth birthday I become ever more acutely aware of Tennessee Williams's admonition that "the monosyllable of the clock is Loss". I discovered Achewood back in The Good Ol' Days through some long-forgotten happenstance, and really did feel a sense of loss when it went away. In the Patreon version, we have an all-too-rare instance of something that has been lost being restored, and not only restored but better than it was before. Tennessee Williams went on to say that the monosyllable of the clock is Loss UNLESS "you devote your heart to its opposition". . . so I think you know what to do.
Greg Earnest
2024-06-11 16:19:45 +0000 UTCI love Achewood with all my heart and I wished for new content for many lonely years. But now I have Chris Onstad in my pocket and he’s working real hard to make new Achewood stuff. Dream come true.
A Cloth Map
2024-06-11 13:28:09 +0000 UTC"Easily the best D.I.Y. home improvement blog on Patreon"
Robert B
2024-06-11 12:42:33 +0000 UTCMy journey with Achewood started at the tender age of 15. My peers mostly at a loss why I found deep sarcasm, subliminal and sometimes ironic jabs at modern culture more than mildly entertaining soon evolved into Fuck You Friday being a group joke. I am 37 now and to this day a few of us hang our bootleg printed Ray Smuckles Logic Chart's in our respective sanctums be it garage, or home office, and have said at a funeral "it is not our business to turn a funeral out." I find every few months I will reread a story arc and still laugh loudly to the point my wife will say "you read achewood again." This is not a webcomic, this is an art style and a performance in it's own right, and therefore deserves the backing of appreciators and newcomers alike. From high Art with a capital A to low hanging fruit and in between there's a character, a story, or even an emotion you can relate to in the past and future happenings with Achewood.
Michael Robrahn
2024-06-10 22:16:19 +0000 UTCRead this to have your internal vocabulary permanently altered.
Omnithea
2024-06-10 21:47:23 +0000 UTCI'd say subbing to the Achewood Patreon is rather like installing a bidet. You will genuinely wonder how you ever got along without it.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
2024-06-10 19:58:13 +0000 UTCI'm not very good with the whole "words" thing, so I will just say that Achewood is excellent and well worth the small membership charge. I look forward to each notification of new content (of which there are a quite pleasing amount!).
Ryan Tierney
2024-06-10 19:51:30 +0000 UTC"Achewood turns phrases like Chuck Tingle produces erotica - consistently, while blowing your mind with the premise half the time."
Rich
2024-06-10 19:30:40 +0000 UTC"Onstad is still tossing out bon mots the way the rest of us shed skin cells. 'Achewood' remains smart, bizarre, weirdly touching and impossible to mistake for anything else on the internet." (I dunno if testimony from an "Oppido" will sway anyone, but feel free to attach that moniker if you think an attribution will help.)
Oppido
2024-06-10 19:10:35 +0000 UTCThe Achewood Patreon, even at a scanty five American ducats per synodic month, still pummels the prick off anything else inside Musk 'n Zucc's WebNet.
Mackenzie Guillory
2024-06-10 18:36:41 +0000 UTCOh you can bet Ray’s thong I’ll write you up a pull quote
Aaron J. Rushton
2024-06-10 18:28:42 +0000 UTC
