0001 - Return of Achewood
Added 2023-05-05 17:00:08 +0000 UTCIn part one of a multi-strip arc which narrowly escaped the title Return to Fogleg-Codhorn, we see Ray Smuckles arise from the Pharaoh's pit only to be greeted by Roast Beef, his friend of many years. A surprise guest appears: who can it be? Is it Noel Gallagher, from Oasis? Is it a floating hallucination test that sees if you can tell the difference between Travis Tritt and Billy Ray Cyrus? Or, in a considerable bucking of tradition, is it someone with contemporary relevance? Tune in next week for the thrilling reveal!
Comments
I've said it a few times over the years, but no one ever paid me any attention at all: Achewood as a whole is the most important instance of art I've ever come across. And it was today I realized it has been back for a while. Part of the charm. Welcome back!
Henri
2024-08-11 09:32:57 +0000 UTCThe faith of loyal Argos, rewarded! Welcome back, chochacho.
Chris Onstad
2024-02-13 13:16:29 +0000 UTCI remember the day the last strip was posted on the main site, back in 2016. I kept loyally coming back to the page, like I did every day for years, waiting for a new strip, but it never came. I kept that up for a while, out of nostalgia and hope, but eventually I just stopped. I don't know what possessed me to go on the subreddit tonight and read the Top posts for the year, but holy shit my surprise when the top post, from NINE MONTHS AGO, was that Achewood was back, on Patreon. I was just a kid when I started reading the strip, I never had money to support via merch or anything else. But now, more than 7 years after the last public post, I'm more than happy to subscribe if it means I finally get more Achewood again. I missed you, Onstad... Your every move is the new tradition!
Andrew K
2024-02-13 07:53:42 +0000 UTCI want Ray's birthday plate on a shirt. Normally I'm like 'Man, why you even got to do a thing?' but you got to do that thing.
W. C.
2023-08-16 15:23:11 +0000 UTCI cannot believe I am two months late to this party! Also, Onstad, you bastard! Why did you ever leave us?! (Just kidding. It's good to have you back, buddy)
Rabbit Ambulance
2023-07-04 23:54:23 +0000 UTCI scream laughed at Ray's birthday plate. Thank you so much.
Julie (HiDeeHoGal)
2023-07-02 19:48:17 +0000 UTCThis makes me so happy. Welcome back.
Greg Earnest
2023-06-20 16:47:23 +0000 UTCthis rules
Nik
2023-06-13 21:14:09 +0000 UTCMy life hasn't been the same since you left me. I got divorced. My oldest child is estranged from me. I have found love again in the least likely of places. I needed you, I think, the most to really help me feel like I can squeeze some joy out of the old Gyp. Thank you so much for coming back, Chris. Let me know what I can do to make you stay.
Ollin Williams
2023-05-27 18:15:00 +0000 UTCThanks for resurrecting Achewood, Chris! Been down since fall of 2002, so excited to see what the boys have been up to!!
Steve Bauer
2023-05-17 15:55:01 +0000 UTCThe return of achewood is something I didn't expect but it has immediately added maybe two years to my life. Only downside is narrowly missing my kid's sixth birthday, for which I absolutely would have replicated those plates. Welcome back, everyone!
Hannah Flynn
2023-05-17 08:48:09 +0000 UTCNot yet. I’m looking into this much-requested feature — thanks!
Chris Onstad
2023-05-12 15:20:25 +0000 UTCOkay, so...just so I 100% make sure I'm not missing anything...here's no alt text, right? The description attached to the strip kind of takes on that role?
Bill Cameron
2023-05-12 13:36:30 +0000 UTCvery happy to see this
cyborgkisser
2023-05-12 00:53:00 +0000 UTCThank you! I agree, RayBot is a noteworthy step in the progression of this tech. I want to call it “The Deep Blue of Comedy” but I’m not quite there yet. We can always make it better.
Chris Onstad
2023-05-10 21:17:20 +0000 UTCTho I have thought about it many times with many creators, the return of Achewood is what has finally compelled me to join Patreon and start putting my money where my laugh bone lies. But I hope you will be gratified that now that I've gone and jined up, it won't be my last. Several other webcomics are next on my list: Kill Six Billion Demons, The Abominable Charles Christopher, drive, 3rd Voice. I bet I'm not the only person who your resurrection will affect in this way. A rising tide lifts all floaties! Also I must say that I have played around with the LLMs and read about them a good bit myself, and while I'm amazed at so much they can do, making me laugh has not been their forte -- which is why I've been *astounded* how funny some of Raybot's advice has been. Sometimes it hits closer or further to Ray's voice, and it's not at the humor level of what you write, but it's hell of funnier than most newspaper strips (or all, now) have ever been! This is a major AI evolutionary step forward to AGI. There's no personhood without a sense of humor. (Many walking hairless apes do not qualify either.)
dmf 23
2023-05-10 21:11:41 +0000 UTCPlease put out a line of paper plates for children's parties. Please. I beg you.
Michael Akey
2023-05-10 17:08:28 +0000 UTCNow I have a serious need for some dank party plates for a special kid in my life.
Aaron Bibb
2023-05-10 15:13:21 +0000 UTCThis is like a warm hug. Welcome back, Sir.
Joe and Matt
2023-05-10 13:43:11 +0000 UTCThank you for coming back. This is appreciated.
Michael Robrahn
2023-05-10 06:55:13 +0000 UTCThis is like meeting up with an old friend you haven't seen in years, and it's so good that you are just baffled as to how you could have allowed yourself to fall out of touch in the first place.
Berthold
2023-05-10 05:34:17 +0000 UTCSo glad this is back. Dem plates hade howling. Missed this ish, for reals.
Neal Gray
2023-05-10 04:25:18 +0000 UTCACHEWOOD IS BACK BABY
bentleyjet
2023-05-10 01:08:27 +0000 UTCalso if you ever do that signature panini press ray teased after the GOF i am *so* there
Patrick Harris
2023-05-10 00:39:38 +0000 UTCholy shit you're back this is the greatest day ever ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Patrick Harris
2023-05-10 00:39:12 +0000 UTCdollar tree plates that catch fire in the microwave because despite saying 'paper' on the label they're infused with some sorta metal
48 Minutes of Dogs Barking
2023-05-09 19:39:49 +0000 UTCI miss the Assetbar anarchy, I learned so much. "One day you shall cease to be a fumbling boy, and become a learned man."
Irving Washington
2023-05-09 17:29:37 +0000 UTCThank you sir! The Great Outdoor Fight sidecar one with "our every move is the new tradition." Bought it before I found out I was going to be a dad, but it applies nicely!
Jared Rutledge
2023-05-09 17:24:54 +0000 UTCTop-tier fontspotting, my good fellow
Chris Onstad
2023-05-09 16:57:50 +0000 UTCCongratulations! Which print? (Congratulations also on the child)
Chris Onstad
2023-05-09 16:56:14 +0000 UTCI’ll see if I can add any; I was all preoccupied and forgot to satisfy this parameter
Chris Onstad
2023-05-09 16:55:27 +0000 UTCI want those plates
A Knight From A Fairytale
2023-05-09 16:54:08 +0000 UTCThe font on the birthday plate is the same one Teodor uses for Ray's logo back when they start an advertising agency together. This implies Teodor is selling public-domained Ray merch on the down-low.
denv_eric
2023-05-09 16:45:08 +0000 UTCAlso thank FUCK you're back on the horse. You survived the aforementioned ravages, as well as those outrageous slings and arrows of fanboys tryin' to get a piece of the action
Yelahneb Unicornucopiax
2023-05-09 14:11:18 +0000 UTCGonna need dem plates, will def pay more than a dollah
Yelahneb Unicornucopiax
2023-05-09 14:08:59 +0000 UTC"proclaim with me on my ravages" has entered my lexicon with unprecedented speed
Claire S
2023-05-09 08:50:33 +0000 UTCwow - Achewood is so much easier to read now with the advent of retina screens!
Simon Helyar
2023-05-08 23:57:52 +0000 UTCHere comes a special Joy. Thank you Chris. Hugs, player.
jason
2023-05-08 23:55:16 +0000 UTCDeancain30…..yes. Yes to this. Xx
Don Campbell
2023-05-08 23:36:21 +0000 UTCPublic. Public. Dang!
Don Campbell
2023-05-08 23:24:18 +0000 UTCPlayer, R U Six?! is straight up the funniest panel in the entire last decade of comics, online and off.
Freddie Wong
2023-05-08 22:31:33 +0000 UTCHot dang
Vijnananath
2023-05-08 21:40:39 +0000 UTCDaaang, it's good to feel a thing once more!
Jed
2023-05-08 21:31:21 +0000 UTCThe Assetbar comment section returns :')
Lauren Johnson
2023-05-08 21:06:05 +0000 UTC“LFG” — Michael Kolberg
David B. Hobbs
2023-05-08 20:58:11 +0000 UTCBrain tape since young days dawg…
Meadow Green
2023-05-08 20:55:23 +0000 UTCHELL YES
TJ
2023-05-08 19:30:02 +0000 UTCI haven’t laughed this hard at a sleeve of paper plates in my entire life. Thank you for this experience 🙏🏻
Nick Cummings
2023-05-08 19:05:16 +0000 UTCGrrr! Roas' Beef! mmmmm
Jay Y
2023-05-08 17:14:56 +0000 UTCPlayer, R U Getting Your Bone On Six Times?!
Oppido
2023-05-08 13:54:12 +0000 UTCHe'd probably just talk the whole time to keep it from getting awkward
Oppido
2023-05-08 13:51:55 +0000 UTCI have successfully avoided Patreon until now, but I am not averse to the $9 monthly fee for fresh Ray & Beef. My son is coming in July and there is already an Achewood print in his nursery. Our every move is the new tradition.
Jared Rutledge
2023-05-08 12:50:08 +0000 UTCYAYYYYYYYY
Heather Sorrentino
2023-05-08 04:38:53 +0000 UTCExtremely happy to see and catch up with these knuckleheads again.
non (tyler)
2023-05-08 03:07:35 +0000 UTCIs it these green pellets?
Pearce Duncan
2023-05-07 23:33:37 +0000 UTCWhat's Achewood?
Pearce Duncan
2023-05-07 23:33:26 +0000 UTChell of such as meow
Stavro
2023-05-07 22:28:47 +0000 UTCI’m your passenger (deftones)
Mars
2023-05-07 20:40:11 +0000 UTCIs there alt-text?
Irving Washington
2023-05-07 18:24:50 +0000 UTCAs a man once said the universe it doth abide, Fellow Dalton® — and no mistake. Bevan is my middle name, just to throw more vittles on the communal griddle…
Rob Dalton
2023-05-07 17:30:03 +0000 UTCI’m imagining a trap remix of “Also sprach Zarathustra” as Ray scrambled onto the scene.
professor husband
2023-05-07 17:04:11 +0000 UTCone of the true wonders of Achewood coming back is finding a dude who has my first name as a last name and my middle name as a first name. you got some good names, chochacho.
Dalton Reyburn
2023-05-07 16:42:22 +0000 UTCLooking forward to the paper plates in the shop. I'll treat them like fine china.
Dalton Reyburn
2023-05-07 16:41:18 +0000 UTCYou should be able to tap and zoom; the uploaded strips are like twice as big as the ones on Achewood; let us know, and thanks for subscribing!
Chris Onstad
2023-05-07 16:11:05 +0000 UTCDitto! Apparently 'Hope springs eternal' is a real thing.
Walter Cooke
2023-05-07 16:02:26 +0000 UTCI have checked the site every Sunday for the last 6 years and change... Glad I never gave up.
Matthew Hutton
2023-05-07 13:54:18 +0000 UTCOn it
Toilet Cobra
2023-05-07 06:37:04 +0000 UTCI was wistfully reading Ray’s advice column this week, and now this. The fastest I’ve signed up for anything. Rad chilies.
Matt Mitchell
2023-05-07 02:49:13 +0000 UTCGuessing Ray.
Rob Dalton
2023-05-07 02:02:22 +0000 UTCwho I gotta blow to get some fuckin' alt text?
Zachary
2023-05-07 01:40:16 +0000 UTCPlayer, r u sixty!
lisa loving
2023-05-07 01:25:12 +0000 UTCIs there a way for the resolution to not require me to get my reading glasses?
Silver Smoulder
2023-05-07 00:49:55 +0000 UTCholy shit all of my qualia were just majorly upgraded. Ray roaring throws off powerful MGM lion vibes. I can now resume living my best life
Nurndelwyn the Profuse
2023-05-07 00:19:16 +0000 UTCis this real life
Nick McDonald
2023-05-06 23:44:30 +0000 UTCHere comes a special boy! [Oh damn Colter McCorkindale done already said that; low-hanging fruit, I s'pose.]
Rob Dalton
2023-05-06 23:21:13 +0000 UTCHoly shit
Cicada
2023-05-06 23:05:35 +0000 UTCWelcome back!
J
2023-05-06 23:02:13 +0000 UTCOh my god. To get that sass back. [gazes wistfully at the horizon]
Nicholas Williams
2023-05-06 22:53:06 +0000 UTCGonna take a lot to keep me away from you
Ben Cooper
2023-05-06 22:04:52 +0000 UTCMy Husband is currently driving all over town to Dollar Tree’s looking for these plates!
Bexx
2023-05-06 21:39:45 +0000 UTCHere comes a special boy.
Colter McCorkindale
2023-05-06 20:06:24 +0000 UTC$14?? That's what I spend on those organic beans from Oklahoma!
GruntyGinMan
2023-05-06 20:03:43 +0000 UTCoh man, it occurs to me that this may be the effective return of the assetbar.
John Krane
2023-05-06 19:47:34 +0000 UTCthere are no words for how fast i pledged $14 when i heard today that this was a thing
K. Unknown
2023-05-06 18:44:44 +0000 UTCAchewood! Large! I love that stuff!
Steamed_Grahams
2023-05-06 17:53:46 +0000 UTCThe higher res art looks hell of crisp chris
Ben Wissett
2023-05-06 17:31:44 +0000 UTCLooks like mirth's back on the menu, boys
Sascha Nicolas Lecours
2023-05-06 17:27:53 +0000 UTCI have been checking the Achewood homepage almost every day for over 6 years now, thanks for coming back Chris. It is the greatest comic ever conceived
Datura
2023-05-06 16:42:13 +0000 UTCI once was lost
Sascha Nicolas Lecours
2023-05-06 16:09:12 +0000 UTCtime to get my bone on
Stuart Davidson Tribbs
2023-05-06 15:59:45 +0000 UTCwe’re so back comment section
Elyse
2023-05-06 15:50:09 +0000 UTCBy only appearing from the waist up.
Matt Thurston
2023-05-06 14:53:26 +0000 UTCDELIGHTED EXPRESSION SEEMS FAIRLY FIXED
Ian Volner
2023-05-06 14:28:32 +0000 UTC"Proclaim with me on my ravages, Beef."
Sandra Tilmonster
2023-05-06 14:11:26 +0000 UTCYESSS
KP
2023-05-06 14:07:23 +0000 UTChell yes
Evan Dahm
2023-05-06 13:58:28 +0000 UTCRay is looking trim as all get out. How does he do it?
Rich Pigott
2023-05-06 13:23:51 +0000 UTCMy thumb went entirely through my phone.
Nicholas Williams
2023-05-06 12:41:51 +0000 UTCReally glad you're doing this Chris. I think by making it so that you're getting paid you'll drive yourself to keep at it even when it's hard, which is the hardest thing for a successful cartoonist to do. Look at Gary Larson or Bill Watterson who had to crank out material every single day forever. It meant the world so many people but that didn't stop them from quitting. I'm glad that you're back with this and the zines. It was a big part of my life 20 years ago so I'm happy to see it again.
J Hardy Carroll
2023-05-06 12:29:07 +0000 UTCI can! I CAN tell the difference between Travis Tritt and Billy Ray Cyrus and IDNATYOAO
Teri Aitch
2023-05-06 12:07:18 +0000 UTCThis tops the day I met the guy who invented salami.
Moira's Machine
2023-05-06 11:53:10 +0000 UTCFuck us up, Onstad
Ray
2023-05-06 11:46:03 +0000 UTCYou did this. You made it happen.
Andy Jennings
2023-05-06 11:31:02 +0000 UTCWoke up with ass in my pants and wasn't sure why. Found the Patreon and it all makes sense now.
Ethan Lavery
2023-05-06 10:52:58 +0000 UTCDang it I just got laid off and you hit me with an offer I can’t refuse.
David Garrett
2023-05-06 10:30:45 +0000 UTCJust go to Achewood.com and get stuck in
Andrew Gillies
2023-05-06 10:13:12 +0000 UTCour every move is the new tradition
Esther Shipsey
2023-05-06 06:51:11 +0000 UTCI’m in tears. TEARS! I’ve waited for so long! I’m here for it!
Bexx
2023-05-06 06:29:34 +0000 UTCA reason for joining Patreon. Looking forward to the new stuff!
Christopher Malone
2023-05-06 06:23:56 +0000 UTCWell worth it
A. C.
2023-05-06 06:12:50 +0000 UTCYour music saved me
Michael Augustine
2023-05-06 06:03:35 +0000 UTCYessssssssssssssssss
Tommy Wingo
2023-05-06 05:31:15 +0000 UTCI’m new-ish to achewood (some people i like on twitter have shared panels before), what’s the best way to get caught up on the lore
Kenny
2023-05-06 05:20:33 +0000 UTCIt was this or my monthly coffee, and I decided I don't need that anymore.
Arrison Warner
2023-05-06 05:12:15 +0000 UTCoh boy it's today!
Sebastian
2023-05-06 05:09:16 +0000 UTCReturn of the King
Kyle Cassidy
2023-05-06 05:03:50 +0000 UTCWELCOME BACK!
Anu Kirk
2023-05-06 04:53:38 +0000 UTCwe're so back
MAGS
2023-05-06 04:45:19 +0000 UTCMashed “sign up” extremely hard on this one
Jonathan
2023-05-06 04:44:44 +0000 UTCwhat a good day today is
Jon S.
2023-05-06 04:40:46 +0000 UTCOh my god
Jason Pargin
2023-05-06 04:32:59 +0000 UTCGonna walk around yelling ‘Player, r u six?!’ at people
Jonathon Valenzuela
2023-05-06 04:32:56 +0000 UTCWhat a way to end a Friday
a_wolfspider
2023-05-06 04:31:28 +0000 UTCI didn’t dare hope.
Geoff Hayton
2023-05-06 04:26:50 +0000 UTCPhillipe is going to be six, now. I can't handle this.
Jon
2023-05-06 04:26:12 +0000 UTC<3
Meemee Keykat
2023-05-06 04:23:49 +0000 UTCHe'll yeah we are back!
Mrbimbin
2023-05-06 04:21:49 +0000 UTCwe are so back
Captain Chaos
2023-05-06 04:17:04 +0000 UTCI am cautiously optimistic
Andrew Karlson
2023-05-06 04:16:43 +0000 UTCIn my opinion this is good, all of it in general.
Adam Beal
2023-05-06 04:13:57 +0000 UTCREJOICE! THE PROPHECY IS FULFILLED!
Within Wheels
2023-05-06 04:12:59 +0000 UTCHoly shit
Profile Name
2023-05-06 04:10:38 +0000 UTCIt is happening again
Cayce
2023-05-06 04:03:43 +0000 UTCI am happy feeling
Matt Sven Calvert
2023-05-06 03:46:35 +0000 UTCDonald Trump is corny!
Zachary Kiesewetter
2023-05-06 03:45:31 +0000 UTCTrying to reconcile the facts that "Achewood is back" and "it has comments now" is one hell of a way to spend the evening.
Jason Love
2023-05-06 03:41:57 +0000 UTCHell and damn yes
Corbie Phillips
2023-05-06 03:35:23 +0000 UTCso glad you got to do a thing
Bungus Bronbo
2023-05-06 03:31:43 +0000 UTCSuper glad to see 'em out and about again.
Dieting Hippo
2023-05-06 03:27:33 +0000 UTCPeople what got $5 can pretend like it's Assetbar days down here and enjoy internet creative anachronism, what a treat
Jordan Peretti
2023-05-06 03:24:01 +0000 UTCThrowing elbows at the Dollar Tree for those plates
Dusty Wilson
2023-05-06 03:22:05 +0000 UTCMan Glad You Went And Did A Thing. good shit dude
caylen
2023-05-06 03:21:30 +0000 UTCAchewood: you saved me from myself.
Cosmo Bear
2023-05-06 03:21:27 +0000 UTCSo happy to be here reading it. Off to a classy start.
Alex Ruppel
2023-05-06 03:18:57 +0000 UTCThe perfect thing to say, ever
Chris Onstad
2023-05-06 03:15:03 +0000 UTCI’m so pumped I could play a trumpet with my cock
Salad Larry
2023-05-06 03:14:00 +0000 UTCHuzzah! You're quite welcome; thank you for your kind words.
Chris Onstad
2023-05-06 03:13:26 +0000 UTCa perfect return. I'm so glad we get to see these guys again. thank you, Chris.
JB Robinson
2023-05-06 03:12:28 +0000 UTC
