[Short Story] Allison's Bike Sharts

After a large meal it’s usually advised that you don’t do anything physically intense. No swimming, no running, no weight lifting. All because it would inevitably upset your stomach. But Allison didn’t have the luxury of taking that advice. She had spent the whole day with friends, eating and generally having a good time. Allison had expected her mom to pick her up, ar which point she could let out all of her accumulated gas at home after the 10 minute drive. But unfortunately for Allison’s pants, her mom was caught in traffic after leaving work late.

By this point Allison’s stomach had already begun to give its warning signs. Her friends laughed it off as well as they could. While they were used to Allison having somr pretty bad gas from time to time, that didn’t mean they were immune to it’s potency. But just from the weight in her stomach, Allison could tell that what was brewing in her stomach was something far worse than normal. This left Allison with very few options on what to do. By the time her mom got to her friends house there was no way she’d still be able to hold that gas all the way home. And if she ripped a single fart in the car, her mom would be sure to remind her of how “unladylike” it was and tell her that’s “why she hasn’t had a boyfriend yet,” followed by a lecture on her (completely normal) eating habits. But at the same time, Allison would feel terrible destroying her friends bathroom with the toxic gas she had building up. Seeing no other way out, she went out on a limb and decided to bike home.

Allison was familiar with the dirt roads through the forest. She had walked them all her life and knew them like th back of her hand. Even so she knew how bumpy the quickest path home was on bike and prepared her stomach for the ride of a lifetime. “...at least nobody should be walking down this path right before a storm,” Allison thought to herself.

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She took a short sniff of her own fart as she ripped it. And it was unbearable for the half second she smelt it before she had left it behind as she bike away from it with high speed for someone else walking down the path to suffer through“...hopefully” Allison finished her thought, realizing her already bad gas was being made even worse by her constant bumping around. All the while the sky was quickly growing darker and darker as the clouds rolled in. Thunder rumbled in the distance, rivaling the rumbling in Allison’s stomach. As Allison biked harder and harder, a pool of sweat started to form in between her ass and the leather seat of her bike; creating a large dark blue sweat stain all across her jeans. Not only did this make Allison’s ride more uncomfortable as she squirmed around the seat trying to not let her soaking wet underwear wedgie her, but it added an extra layer of stench as worse and worse farts bubbled and boiled underneath her

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Even in a case where Allison was trying to outrun a storm, she was still trying her best to stop herself from ripping any farts too loudly on the off chance someone just so happened to be also going along this trail. And despite not seeing anyone during her entire 5 minute episode of destroying nearly two miles of pathways with her toxic gasses that was strong enough to scare any wildlife nearby for walking into “marked territory,” Allison still tried to hold her ass to one side to let her farts out quietly.

But with her path getting bumpier and bumpier it was getting harder for Allison’s ass to not be slammed back into the seat and her own moist puddle of sweat. To make things worse, as if they couldn’t be already, water droplets started to hit Allison’s face. The rain had already started. Feeling the pressure of the situation (as well as the gasses in her stomach Allison picked up the pace on her bike, nearly doubling her speed. She knew it was only going to make her sweatier and gassier but to her it was better than getting soaked out in the rain all for nothing. But her extra focus on biking fast took away from the focus she was using to multitask with her gas.

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The rain finally started to pick up from a drizzle as Allison started having some trouble keeping herself on path as the dirt got slipperier. Her hair flattened under the weight of the water as droplets flew out from the tips as she stumbled through the wind. And now it wasn’t just thunder. Allison could clearly see the lightning flash across the sky often. It was one particular bolt though, seemingly close enough to feel, that shocked her into sharply turning her wheel going downhill.

The front wheel began to skid as Allison put all of her force into trying to get the bike back on course. It was a vicious fight that took all of her concentration and energy as she stumbled over rocks and mud. Of course, putting all her energy into this one task left a certain other one completely unchecked: her gas.

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Despite ripping farts that rivalled the thunder in volume, Allison couldn’t put any focus into stopping herself. She veered harder and harder into the road hoping it would steer her back on path. Al the while her farts got horrendously bubbly as if her ass was making a jacuzzi outside of water.

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With one final push, Allison forced the bike back on path. She took a huge sigh of relief as she caught her breath. As she did, she looked up and noticed a familiar cabin. It was the cabin that she and her friends camped out at every other weekend, which again was a huge relief to Allison as she knew that meant her house was only a few short minutes away. Allison may have been soaked in sweat, soaked in the rain, and may have left an entire trail reeking of her own ass, but the thought of being able to shower it off and get into her nice warm and dry nightgown gave her a short burst of ecstasy.

“Finally..." she sighed as she started to sit back down. “After all that I’m finally home scott fr-” The moment her ass touched back down on the bike seat her feeling of relief quickly fazed out as it was instead replaced with embarrassment and dread. Instead of the cold and wet feeling of jeans and her leather seat on her ass as she sat down, she was met with a warm squishy feeling that was way to close to her for it to be on the seat.

She didn’t know which fart it was, but at some point she let off at least one horrendously powerful shart in her pants while she had to focus on getting back on path. She cursed her circumstances under her breath as she forced herself to sit as deep as she could into it so nobody would be able to see the stain. With only minutes ahead of her before she reached her house, she could only hope that her mother wasn’t home to see her daughter’s accident.

A few minutes and bubbly aftershock farts later, she finally saw her house. She gulped as she parked her bike behind the house and slowly peeked her head around the house to look in the driveway. Allison stretched as far as she could without being seen and…

…the driveway was empty. Perfect! Now all she had to do was sneak inside, get changed, and dispose of her foul smelling evidence and everyone would be none the wiser. She cracked open the back door and once again peeked in. Nobody in sight or earshot. “I might actually be able to get away with this,” she thought as she scurried inside, barely closing the door behind her. She booked it for the staircase and almost made it to the top before a certain sound made her freeze like a deer in headlights. “Allison, that you?” a younger male asked. Instead of the dead silence of an empty house she was hoping for she was met at the top of the stairs by her younger brother Adam. “Damn that storm is pretty bad huh?” he said as he observed Allison in her soaked state. “You’re completely drenched from head to- hey what’s that all over your jeans?” Adam asked as he was caught off guard when he noticed the large brown stain covering her ass. “N-nothing Adam!” Allison chirped as she quickly turned around to hide her stain of shame. “I-i just fell in some mud on the way here! Now i-if you’ll excuse me-”

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Before Allison could sneak away to the bathroom her ass snitched on her blatant lie as she ripped another powerful shart that only made the stain on her pants even more pronounced. They awkwardly stared at each other for a few seconds before Adam finally broke the silence.

“That’s some loud mud, huh?” he said while making direct eye contact with her. Allison’s face turned beet red from embarrassment as she stammered desperately trying to say anything to make the situation better before finally giving up. She dropped her backpack onto the floor and began rummaging through it for something.

“How much to not tell mom about this?” she sighed with defeat as she emerged with her wallet in hand. The look of concern in Adam’s face quickly turned into a snide smile as he thought about it for a second. “Given the current state of damage, I would say that will be $50 for my services” he said smugly.

“FIFTY BUCKS!?” Allison replied with shock. “THAT’S DOUBLE FROM LAST TIME! NO WAY!”

“Well well… that’s a shame,” Adam said with a faux tone of disappointment. “I guess you and mom are gonna have to have that talk about not shitting yourself again.” Allison’s face turned an even deeper red as she imagined having to get that thirty minute lecture from her mom yet again on controlling herself. “Or worse, she’ll take you back to the gastroenterologist and he’ll make you start wearing those diapers again. You know the ones that always show when you-”

With her face now as red as her jacket, she yelled “ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!” as she slammed three large bills into Adam’s open palm. “JUST- *sigh* don’t tell mom.” Allison finally admitted with defeat.

“Thank you sis,” Adam said as he pocketed the money and scurried into his room to grab Allison a plastic bag. “You just put your dirty pants in this and I’ll go get the shovel to bury these out back for you. After all I would hate to see anything happen to you because you’re such a good older sister and I love you,” he said with a warm yet punchably smug smirk.

Allison didn’t return his smile, even though she was grateful she was caught by her one brother that would keep this a secret even if at a steep cost to her wallet. She snatched the bag from his hand with a glare in her face. “Shut up,” she muttered as she slammed the bathroom door behind her.