Chapter 16: I Will Never Date You!

Change (6)

I think it's inevitable that the way people around me treat me is changing.

Siwoo is the same. It can't be helped, since my body has become a woman's.

Let's say I almost fell and Siwoo's hand or arm touched my chest.

When I was a man, I wouldn't have cared much. What big deal would it be if we touched anyway? It's not like he's grabbing it.

But if Siwoo's hand touched my body now, we'd both be incredibly embarrassed, like in the subway yesterday.

That's why I was worried. I was worried about Siwoo's attitude towards me changing after yesterday.

Siwoo's attitude towards me was like proof that I was still the same person I used to be.

"I'm thinking of starting a part-time job soon."

After entering a decent cafe and relaxing for a while, I said that first.

"I think there'll be somewhere that'll hire me. I have a lot of time anyway."

Come to think of it, setting a longer schedule might not be a bad idea. As long as it ends before midnight, I could just keep working.

Even if my university classes end, it won't be that late. If necessary, I could adjust my classes to fit my part-time job schedule.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"My body's fine. It hasn't been that many days since I went to the hospital. They said most things wouldn't be a big problem."

I hear a lot of stories like that in the patient community.

People who have become men, or who have remained men. They ask if they can suddenly do physical labor. Usually, the answer is, 'You're just as fine as ordinary people.' If you get hurt, it's not because of the disease, but because you're in a situation where you could get hurt.

"Still, I don't really want to do anything that requires a lot of strength, so I'd prefer something that's easy on the body."

"......"

Siwoo seemed to be thinking deeply about what I said, but he couldn't bring himself to tell me not to.

My family isn't so poor that we can't afford it. It's not like they can't give me an allowance.

But somehow, I feel less self-conscious when I earn the money I spend myself.

Siwoo knows that, so he can't bring himself to tell me not to.

"So, what are we going to do now?"

I asked Siwoo.

"I didn't really come here with anything in mind."

Siwoo replied.

It was just about lunchtime.

"Let's have a decent lunch and walk around a bit?"

"Walk around?"

"Isn't that why you came? You said you wanted to see the neighborhood after a long time. Didn't you want to relive our memories?"

Siwoo blinked at my question.

"Oh, well, yeah?"

"Then let's grab a burger or something and think about it."

I said that while sipping my coffee. The cold drink went down into my stomach, making me feel refreshed. With a slight bitterness.

Siwoo scratched his head as he looked at me.

It took Siwoo much longer to finish his drink than it took me.

*

*

*

Siwoo didn't want to give up on Ihyun.

It's not like he was giving up in a grand way, but at least he wanted to stay friends.

He didn't know what other people were thinking, but Siwoo thought Ihyun seemed a little anxious.

She acts like everything's fine, but judging from her attitude yesterday, she clearly has other thoughts. Probably worries about the disease.

"Wang."

Ihyun's expression as she opened her mouth wide and bit into the burger looked happy. She just looked like someone who was happy to be eating delicious food that she liked... like that.

To be exact, she looked like a girl. Even though they were the same age, Ihyun looked a few years younger than Siwoo.

It wasn't just because she had become a woman. Ihyun had always had a slightly youthful impression. It wasn't just because of the height difference, but her overall impression was like that.

But, the way she looks is different from the Ihyun from back then.

Siwoo put the burger in his mouth and chewed, following Ihyun's lead, but to be honest, Siwoo's head was so confused that he could barely taste it.

What was he thinking when he woke up late this morning and called Ihyun right away?

It's not like Ihyun would be desperate just because he didn't see her for a few days. Even yesterday evening, they were talking normally and playing games.

"......Euum?"

Ihyun, who had been chewing on her burger with a happy expression, blinked and looked around.

And her face turned a little red.

She moved her mouth busily, chewing, and then swallowed the food in her mouth with a gulp that sounded like it could be heard.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

She asked Siwoo.

A little late, Siwoo realized he had been staring at Ihyun, and this time Siwoo looked around.

"I, just. I thought you were eating a little too fast."

"T, this is my first meal. It's because it's my first meal. You said you were coming so suddenly, so I couldn't eat anything before I came out."

"I told you an hour in advance?"

"I have a lot to prepare, you know? I have to take a shower, wash my hair. You've never grown your hair this long, have you? It takes a crazy amount of time to dry."

"Then......"

You could just cut it.

Those words almost came out, but got stuck in his throat.

Suddenly, he heard that the hair suited her quite well. No, in fact, he had been thinking that ever since he first saw the changed Ihyun. Just looking at her appearance, she looked like a girl he was seeing for the first time.

"I see."

"What, are you just going to let it go like that?"

"What if I don't just let it go?"

"I'm saying that I went through all this trouble to get here on time. You should thank me."

The way she was so confidently talking nonsense was just like Ihyun.

It's not because she really thinks that way, but because she just enjoys having funny conversations like this.

Ihyun seemed to be feeling very comfortable in this situation.

"......"

Siwoo's heart felt a little uncomfortable as he watched Ihyun like that.

Was the reason he contacted Ihyun really because he was worried about her? Was that the only reason he contacted her?

If, just if.

If Ihyun went through something like Siwoo had when he lost his grandmother, would Siwoo treat Ihyun the same way he was treating her now?

He would have gone to the funeral. If he could, he would have stayed by her side.

But after that, would he continue to go see Ihyun for days? He wasn't sure about that.

He would contact her often and meet her from time to time to check if she was okay, but he wouldn't really think that he wanted to see her every day.

"So why do you keep staring at me like that?"

"......You have ketchup on the corner of your mouth."

Only after Siwoo said that did Ihyun lower her gaze and grab a tissue, looking a little embarrassed.

She didn't actually have anything on her mouth.

But at least he was able to avert her gaze.

The way Ihyun was wiping her mouth while watching Siwoo's reaction, no matter how he looked at it, she didn't look like a 'man'. No matter how cool and collected her attitude was.

He knew it was Ihyun, and he could recognize her—but at the same time, that Ihyun was a beauty that anyone could fall for.

"What, where? I don't think there's anything on it?"

Ihyun wiped around her mouth with the tissue and glared at Siwoo.

Siwoo ignored her and bit into the burger he was holding.

"Hey, aren't you going to answer? Hey!"

Ihyun tapped Siwoo's toes with her toes, but Siwoo ignored her.

His head was too complicated.

Could it be that he just likes spending time with a pretty girl like this?

—That thought kept coming to his mind. He was worried that he might be taking advantage of Ihyun.

Ihyun eventually pouted and picked up her burger again.

Even that expression was clearly Ihyun's expression.

His feelings became complicated again.

*

*

*

We didn't go to another cafe after the meal. We had already gone in the morning.

Siwoo might not be, but I was quite sensitive to caffeine. That was the case when I was a man, so maybe it's even worse now. I was so drunk yesterday.

Instead, we decided to take a walk around the neighborhood where we used to live.

It's obvious, but our school was still there. Elementary school, middle school, high school, all of them.

"I wonder if it would be okay for me to go inside?"

"No, isn't it a little weird for just any adult to go in? Classes are still in session."

"I'm like this now."

"What does being like that have to do with it?"

The thought that it might be okay to go in because I look a little younger ended when someone who looked like a school employee stared at us intently as we approached.

After school, local citizens used to use the playground, but I guess it's difficult during class.

"Still, it hasn't changed at all. Even though so much time has passed."

"It didn't change at all while we were going to school. Isn't it a little strange to think that something would change after that?"

I guess that's true.

"......"

We've changed, though.

To be exact, I've changed. It's hard to say what this is all about.

"Siwoo."

"What?"

"......"

Asking you not to change, I guess that's a little much, isn't it?

"No, it's nothing."

"No, why did you call me over?"

"Just. I forgot what I was going to say."

"......Does Shiba syndrome affect the brain too?"

"No, it doesn't. And don't call it Shiba. It sounds like a curse word."

"No, that's the right name, though."

I nudged Siwoo.

Siwoo nudged me back.

We walked for a while, nudging each other for no reason.

But there are things that don't change.

Well, even if I don't ask, Siwoo is Siwoo.

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