STL

Chapter 12: I Will Never Date You!

Added 2025-06-28 03:06:16 +0000 UTC

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Ah.

I want to die.

Out of all the choices in the world, why did I have to choose to come to Siwoo's place?

Sitting on the toilet in the 'The Thinker' pose, I pondered.

When I said I needed to use the restroom, Siwoo suggested a few solutions.

First, the subway women's restroom.

I shook my head.

I still felt a strong sense of rejection. My body was adapting in its own way, but I still felt strangely resistant to the idea of being a 'woman.'

I wanted to live as I always had. But I couldn't. The thought of another woman in the next stall made my face pale. This was beyond mere discomfort. It was a taboo I had learned since I was very young.

Then Siwoo offered a second option.

He suggested going to a nearby cafe or burger joint.

They would have a restroom. And the restroom inside would likely be a single stall. If both the men's and women's restrooms were single stalls, there wouldn't be a big problem even if I went into the women's restroom. He said I could go in, order something, and Siwoo would hold a seat while I quickly took care of business and came out.

"Ugh, you crazy bastard."

I hit my head repeatedly.

Only after a dull pain washed over me did my head clear a little.

That's right.

And yet, I rejected that.

I must have been drunk and lost my reason. I just remember looking tearful and shaking my head. Seriously. If I dredged up the faint memories, the possibility remained that there could be a woman outside the restroom. A woman waiting her turn outside the door. Someone who might look at me strangely if she knew who I was.

Having ruled out all those options, there was only one answer left.

To hold it in as much as possible and go home, or come to Siwoo's place. Of course, there was no other option but to come to Siwoo's place, which was much closer.

Are you scared of running into the other kids? he asked. Are you worried about being misunderstood? Are you not coming because you're worried the kids will think it's weird if rumors spread that Siwoo and I are dating?

There was no point in berating myself.

It took about 30 minutes to get from there to here. It would have normally been a 20-minute walk, but it took longer because Siwoo had to hold me up as I staggered.

And of course, some of the kids who were out and about might have seen Siwoo.

Only after entering the restroom and sitting on the toilet did I slowly come to my senses, and I had been in this state ever since, just sitting there.

...How could I face Siwoo?

I wouldn't be able to say anything even if he told me to get out as soon as he saw me. And after that, he probably wouldn't ask me to hang out again.

That... I didn't want that.

What could I say to Siwoo to make things okay? How could I get him to accept my apology?

But I couldn't find an answer.

In the end, I got up without finding any particular answer.

I cleaned up, flushed the toilet, and carefully left the restroom.

"Siwoo?"

I called his name softly, but there was no response.

The studio apartment had a separate kitchen and room, and the door to the shower/restroom was in the kitchen area.

I heard a slight rustling sound from the room, so I carefully approached it.

"Siwoo?"

When I looked inside the room, I saw Siwoo's back.

Siwoo was sitting in a chair in front of his desk, using the computer. He wasn't playing a game or anything, just watching a YouTube video blankly.

Ah.

Thank goodness.

He wasn't ignoring me on purpose. He had noise-canceling earphones in, so he couldn't hear me.

I went behind Siwoo and gently tapped his shoulder.

"Ah."

Siwoo turned to face me.

He took the earphones out of his ears and looked up at me.

"Looks like you've sobered up a bit."

"Yeah..."

I got drunk quickly, but I seemed to be sobering up just as quickly.

I felt a little dizzy, and I felt like I might throw up. Even so, my head was more or less clear—no, it wasn't clear at all.

If it had been clear, I wouldn't have come here.

"Um, sorry."

"How many times are you going to apologize?"

Siwoo said, sounding dumbfounded.

"I've already said it's okay several times. Don't worry about it. I did the same thing, remember?"

"...Did you?"

"Yeah, I did. That's why I slept at your place a few times."

Ah, I think that's right.

But that was when I didn't know my alcohol tolerance. A time when I didn't know much about alcohol and just drank as much as I could.

"..."

We both lost our words for a moment.

"It's okay in front of me."

Siwoo said, looking up at me. There was even a slight smile on his face.

"But you have to be careful in front of other people. It could be rude... well, it could cause problems in many ways, right?"

I knew that.

So... he meant I could be harassed if I got drunk. I couldn't guarantee that wouldn't happen to a woman in this day and age, but that's a common perception, right?

"Rest a little."

"No, I..."

"Go home when you're completely sober. I'd be worried if something happened to you on the way. You haven't been discharged from the hospital for very long."

"...Okay."

I ended up answering that way.

I was a little dizzy. Even if my head was a little clearer, my sense of direction and things like that didn't seem to be completely back to normal.

I carefully sat down on the floor and hugged my knees.

Siwoo got up from his chair, strode over to the kitchen.

I heard the sound of the refrigerator door opening in the kitchen, so I unconsciously raised my body slightly, but Siwoo was already coming back into the room.

"Here."

What Siwoo handed me was a banana milk.

"I bought it on sale when I went to the supermarket last time. I don't have any hangover cures, so drink this before you go."

"...Thank you."

I took the straw and milk together, and peeled off the straw wrapper, feeling a little self-conscious.

When I put the straw to my lips and sucked gently, the very sweet taste of milk spread smoothly in my slightly dry mouth. The milk enveloped the slightly bitter taste of alcohol that remained in my mouth and pushed it away in an instant.

"It's delicious."

"Really? I'm glad."

Siwoo, who was sitting across from me and drinking milk, answered with a smile.

"So... your sister picked out your clothes?"

Siwoo opened his mouth to continue the conversation, and I quickly took up the words.

"Yeah. We went together and picked them out. Well, I didn't pick anything, but my sister picked them out."

"Your sister has good taste. Keep taking your sister with you to pick out clothes in the future."

"What?"

I snapped back without thinking and realized my mistake, but Siwoo just smiled at my reaction.

"Hey, but what is this? Your sister picked out your clothes, and you spilled all over them. Why didn't you ask for an apron?"

Siwoo unconsciously reached out and touched my clothes slightly.

"Oh, you're right."

There was a little bit of kimchi stew splattered on it. It was only a little bit, but it stood out because it was a light-colored outfit.

"..."

And we both froze.

It was a little ambiguous to say that Siwoo touched my chest.

But it was also a place that could be seen that way, depending on the person. At least for me, the flesh of my chest was raised below that. Because I was wearing a bra.

Thud.

Siwoo let go of his hand with a stiff face.

"Hey, hey."

I quickly said to defuse the atmosphere.

"It didn't touch. The clothes were loose."

It wasn't exactly a lie.

"Right, right?"

"Yeah. And well, considering what happened today, it's nothing, right? We were so crowded on the subway—"

"..."

"...Ah."

Would it get weirder if I said this?

"Well, even then, I blocked it with my arm. So it didn't touch directly. And anyway, if you're going to keep taking the subway, that much is unavoidable, right? If you're commuting to work and stuff."

"...Right?"

"Yeah, well. Right."

And the conversation ended.

I'm screwed.

I wanted to hit my head hard again.

Is it really because of the alcohol? It seems like there are complex reasons in many ways, but I decided to just blame it all on the alcohol.

I sucked up the banana milk and emptied it, got up from my seat, and said.

"Ah, then I'll go now. Yeah. That would be good. It's completely dark. Today was fun—"

"Huh? I called Yiseul."

"...What?"

"I called Yiseul. I thought it would be a little much to go alone."

"...When?"